DO u LIKE MY LYRICS?

Question

ITS NOT DONE YET
AND ITS SOMETHING DIFFERENT

--------------------------------------...

I'm running away
My boots are going through the winter snow
I don't have anywhere to go

I wake up the snow has melted
and the sun is rising
I'm under the tall tree
with it leaves planted over me
playing my guiatar
and theres know one from afar

I start singing
My foot starts tapping to the beat
and eventuly my secrets are becoming a melody
Oh what calamity

I wake up and the sun is rising
I'm under the tall tree
with its leaves planted over me
playing my guitar
and theres know from afar

Its just me and my guitar
Its just me and my guitar
Ya its just me and my guitar

Answer 1

I like the topic. Give your verses some continuity, a pattern of rhythm which will make it flow smoothly.

Continuity is where there is a pattern of number of words or syllables in each line and how the lines have a rhyming pattern.

ABAB or AABB or AAB CCB for example
Of course, some songs are written in prose where only the syllable pattern is utilized and there is little or no rhyme but this type of wordsmithing can be very difficult.

Keep editing on this one. I like to try writing something every day. Even if you cannot write an entire song each day, you will build a reserve of good lines to draw from.

edit: amnalol is attempting to co-write with you. That is a very good thing. When people write together, they come up with fresh ideas from each other's input. You two should begin messaging each other to work on some lyrics.

Here is one I recently wrote, It has no melody or accompaniment yet.

"HOW CAN YOU CALL IT LOVE"

verse1
She tidy'd the house, cooked a meal for her man
but dinner got cold after hours in the pan
'til the lights in the drive finally said he was home
it's been like this for years and she should've known

verse2
by the look of his eyes and the scent of his breath,
the drink got the best of him, she got what's left
He promised he'd change and she just asked him why
but the sting on her cheek was the only reply

chorus
How can you call it love
when all there is left are the tears and the pain
and it doesn't seem to matter at all
that the love being given, is taken in vain

verse3
She dreams of the happier times from her past,
now her personal hell, how long will it last
'Til the wont gets it's way and what's left crawls back home,
another long night , she'll be sleeping alone

chorus. repeat

©2007 p.o.

Answer 2

yeah there good but i dont understand the snow part??? its kinda just out there heres a suggestion like put
"my feet or shoes w/e are going to take me to a place idk. But i dont have any where to go!!
I wake up and realize im here
and the sun is rising
I'm under a tall tree
with its planted over me
playing my guitar
and theres no one form afar"
Then keep the rest the same otherwise its a shaweetness song you got goin here!!

Answer 3

i really like it but you should describe whats going around you too and how did you get their because without these it seems a bit incomplete!
i think you can add something like!

my guitar was there to console me,
in a moment so hard,
when there was no one there to hold me,
from places miles afar!

&

i finally enjoyed what i was playing,
the trees were restless and blowing their leaves,
it felt like a whole crowd cheering
as those frozen leaves were swaing(dont know if the spelling is correct!)

Answer 4

Hmmm.. sounds more like a poem to me. I'd have to hear how it would be sung and the melody. The last verse kinda reminds me of Prince's song, "Guitar"... you know, "I love ya baby, but not like I love my guitar." But seriously? It's an amazing song. Rock on!! I'd buy the album.

Answer 5

Im not sure, but it sounds as the lyrics maybe Bob Dylan would write, hmmm... I believe you should be quite careful with the music for it, and congrats, I believe it has a great potential.

Answer 6

really good the only problem I see is the "I wake up" were you asleep? and what secrets maybe change to worries.keeep onw writing becasue thiss is nivce

Answer 7

sounds like a short song w/out a chorus, but still, okay. Is it rock or pop....or what?

Answer 8

cute! I like how it starts out about nature, and then the focus goes to the you and guitar.

Answer 9

hmmm... maybe u should write a song about cows...

you'd be better off writing about cows

Happy Trails ♥!

Answer 10

Well.......i have a little experience and i think its great!Try making more intensive songs.