she left him. she bailed on him. left their son with him, rarely comes to visit her son, she lived 5 minutes away for the first 2 years, and only came to see her son like once every 3 months. now she lives by the san jose area and promised she would come see him every other weekend. she left the last week in august and the first time she saw him was christmas. its pretty obvious she doesnt want her kid. (she's a bit of a partier) but why does she have the nerve to be rude and disrespectful to me, and cry all the time about what she lost and "pity me" to everyone because he married me and we were only together for a few years and they were together for like 10 and never got married. Now her kid is all messed up in the head, he is being bad in school, nearly expelled many times, prolly getting held back this year and im the one who has to deal with it. cause she dont care. but she still cries all the time about what she lost.
2007-12-29 02:58:27 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
and my husband is scared that if we file for full custody, then she is going to raise hell. the son loves his mother because they have the same mentality he is 12. and he is getting to the age where he can tell a judge that he wants to live with her. but if we dont let him see her, thats when she raises hell. it just less of a headache for us with the whole fighting with her. she cant provide for him what we do, and she lets him do whatever he wants. and thats the only reason he likes to be with her. because there are no rules.
2007-12-29 03:18:39 · update #1
i was a step child too. and i talk with my step son about how hard it was. and how i didnt like my step dad at first, now i worship him and am very greatful.
2007-12-29 03:21:03 · update #2
And you listen, right? Why? You should have no conversation with this woman. It is your husband's ex, not yours. The more involved you get, the less he has to. A normal male's way of remaining out of the picture. Get him involved, and you keep your distance from the ex. She is pulling you in, and you are probably saying a lot more than you need to with her. Boundaries, my dear. An ex is an ex! And not yours, but his.
The child is angry at all of this in-fighting. Get him a counselor at school and let him grow up with love, not chaos.
2007-12-29 03:07:04 · answer #1 · answered by dutchlady 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is hard and rough on a young child I think your husband needs to discuss with his ex about her giving up her rights to the child. It is totally apparent that she does not want to be a part of his life and would prefer not seeing him at all so get your husband to answer her request.
This is traumatizing to a kid and should not be allowed to continue tell your husband to get the papers together and have her sign them giving up all rights to the kid meaning he has full custody. That she stays away that her visits once in awhile are harder on the kid then if she just doesn't come at all.
Really it will be easier if you just take on the mom role and she disappears since that is what she did to begin with.
God Bless and have a Happy New Year.
2007-12-29 03:12:08 · answer #2 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is only acting like this because she doesn't want anyone to see her for how she really is. It is not the fact that she doesn't see her child that is making her act this way, she is probably quite bitter that her ex never married her even though they had been together for years and he married you after a short time of being together. She is being selfish and is only concerned with her and what she wants. If the child is having emotional/behavioral issues, I would recommend a counselor. Maybe he needs to talk to an outside party to help sort out how he is feeling. It is quite possible that she is filling his head with nonsense and blaming you for why they are not togehter anymore.
2007-12-29 03:06:12 · answer #3 · answered by bluemysti 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First I would get him into some counseling. Him being able to talk to someone who he can feel safe will. Help him a lot. Second I would take her to court and have her get supervised visits only. You need to figure out what she is saying to him that is causing all these feelings. Also never talk bad about his mom in front of him or let him hear you talking bad about her. Even if she is it is still his mother. As he gets older he will start to see who is good and who is bad and who is a mom and who is not.
2007-12-29 03:05:27 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
who is she i live n that area and i don't want to hook up with that kinda mess as for your your kid yes i said yours cause ur the 1 raising him it's a diffacult time 4 him be understanding and put ur self in his shoes sit down and really think about how he must feel imagine ur self being him that's a lot of baggage 4 a kid to carry around see if you can help him carry some of it let him know that ur there 4 him and that people make bad choices in life
2007-12-29 03:17:01 · answer #5 · answered by DAVE H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let her cry! She did mess up! That is of course if it is only her that messed up.
Hasn't the son been living with you and his father? You guys are even more responsible for his behavior than she is. Everyone knows what she is and what she has done for and to her son.
You and his father are his only parents now. She has kind of thrown him to the curb and it is up to you now ~to love him and help him with his abandonment issues, etc.
Let her cry. She needs to back off and get herself some help. You guys need to give her that ultimatum. No more bull until she gets some help with her emotional problems. She is only making it harder on you, your husband, and your son.
She needs to get over it. You all need to think about what this stuff has done to someone who did nothing to deserve it.
It would probably do all of you some good to get a little counseling.
Goodluck
2007-12-29 03:16:32 · answer #6 · answered by Blaize 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My ex husband likes to pary too, he chose this lifestyle over his wife and kids. Now that we are gone he cries a pity party for him, but he still continues to do it. They always have an excuse and will never change. They can not accept the fact that they are problem and they created the monster. They just want everyone to feel sorry for them!!!!
2007-12-29 03:04:27 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
For the boy, you are going to have to have to be there for him in order to try and fill some of the void left by his mother's absence. Secondly, for the boy's sake it's up to you and your husband to calmly convince her to come by and visit her son on a regular basis. You may have to call her twice a week and push her, but it's necessary for the boy's emotional needs, as well as the mother's long term emotional needs. Your husband and you need to serve as that catalyst. You don't have to worry about all her whining, but you do need to develop a decent relationship with her for the sake of your stepson.
2007-12-29 03:20:24 · answer #8 · answered by oogabooga37 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Then you take the ofensive and give her both barrells when she decides to show up.
This will do one of two things.
Focus her (not likely)
Allow you to vent as to how this person is messing up a child's life and that it would be for the best if she NEVER showed up again
2007-12-29 03:11:18 · answer #9 · answered by Experto Credo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
cut the ties with her, or just provide a steady loving role model. he will find out soon enough how his mother is. i did. i idolized her my whole life. when i was 18 it hit me how horrible of a mother she really was, and that my evil stepmother really did love me
2007-12-29 03:05:03 · answer #10 · answered by ★SuGar and SpiCe★ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋