Would you be mad if your sister-in-law takes the name you have chosen for your child?

Question

My sister-in-law is 5 months pregnant, this is possibly going to be their last child so they wanted it to be a surprise and not find out the sex. She has decided to name the child both my choice for girls and boys names when it is born. When I told her it upset me, she replied with well you aren't pregnant yet. Now I get that, but the names my fiance and i have chosen are his family names, names that are not negotiable because of generations of his family naming children in this manner (after the great-grandparents) and I don't want to break his family tradition. I told her we are still naming our kids the same names which I think is unfair to the kids but my fiance and I cannot, for respect of his family, change the names of our first born son and daughter. So now, no matter what the baby's sex is, she will be taking one of our names. My parents will have grandchildren with the same names. I think she is being totally sellfish, I am trying to be accepting of this but I'm hurt.

The family tradition is to name the child after the great grandparent, then the middle name be of the parent. All the first borns in my fiance's family are named this way. Yes in discussion we have told what we were planning on naming our children, because of the tradition. I feel what she is doing would be like if I took the name that would have been a junior from her.

My sister in law is my brothers wife, and the names have nothing to do with her family traditions, she likes them because they begin with the same letter as her first child.

Answer 1

did you tell her the name for your child? if so, confront her. if its too late, maybe take the middle name you were going to give your child, and make it the first name. and yes if you didnt tell her the name, i would be pissed. depends on who told who first.

Answer 2

Once upon a time, family name traditions were so powerful that many families had two, three or more cousins with the same given name. My mother grew up as one of three Claras - all named after one grandma in their close knit Italian tribe.

While my mother broke the trend and chose most of our names from the blue, it feels like more and more families are rediscovering the charm of naming a child after a loved one.

At the same time, throwback names are all the rage. It isn't unusual to meet a little girl named Esther or Hazel now, and Hannah and Emma are Top 10.

So I'd say stick to your guns and name your children what you want to name them. Unless you all live on the same street and have the same last name, it won't be quite the headache you imagine.

And if you're going with traditional names, I'm assuming that there are nickname options. Among the family, the three Claras became Clare, Clarie and Clara - though I'm not sure what they used to the wider world. The same thing happened with the multiple Anthonys, Maries and other names that repeated.

While I wouldn't be overjoyed that my SIL snaked my names, I do think that you can't really call a name. And since you aren't yet pregnant, it's not reasonable to assume that she did it just to spite you.

It's inconvenient, but I wouldn't let it change my plans.

Answer 3

i would be upset, too...did she know that you were planning on using these names? she may be thinking along the same family-tradition lines that you are, so unless someone can change her mind, there's not much you can do about it. does it really matter if YOU or SHE has the children with these names? it still gets the names in the family.

btw, you say your fiance, so you're not even married yet to use the names. and then you say YOUR parents will have similarly named grandchildren, but yet their your fiance's family's names....it's very confusing. but i'm still with you about being upset, if she knew in advance about your choices and the reasons for it, before she chose the names.

Answer 4

EASY problem to fix - use the names she is being a wicked spoiled brat about using, and use them as MIDDLE names for your kids.

DO NOT say one word to ANYONE about this - just do it when the time comes - or IF the time comes. One never knows about these things.

You BOTH are being totally stupid about this. NAMES are just names, big deal. Family line and all that is ridiculous considering there are how many zillions of humans on Earth now - and really, will all this really MATTER 45 years from now??? You and your SIL had better focus on GETTING ALONG with each other - to heck with "family" if you all are fighting about THIS now. By the time YOU have kids, there might not even BE a family.

Kill the SIL with super kindness and blow her mind. Showing her that you are angry and "hurt" will only fuel her fire. Be ABOVE her - don't lower yourself to her level - it is rather "hot" down there if you get my drift....

Answer 5

I can tell you're hurt and you have every right to be upset and mad. Just because she is pregnant doesn't give her the right to royalty treatment. She is rude and inconsiderate. Now is this your fiances sister or your brothers wife? It concerns me because if it is your fiances sister, then from what you wrote, it sounds like since the family names are up for grabs-since it's family tradition?? Shouldn't that give her the right to have the names also??

Answer 6

If she new before hand then maybe. You don't know the sex of your first child yet so there may be no conflict. If there is choose different middle names. If the male name is your husbands name then it is mute as I would name the boy what I wanted to anyway.
There are so many reasons for family conflicts that cause disruption to our children that I would focus on finding a resolution that you and your husband can live with for the sake of the children.
Good luck to you. Very difficult position and I wish you the best.

Answer 7

Don't be mad at your sister. She appears to be a spiteful, attention seeking nimrod.
Take the high road and ignore this plea for attention and see if she follows through with it when the kid is born.
If she does, you can either point out to anyone who asks what the baby's name is - that it's the family name of your fiance and your dear sister is bereft of imagination (bless her little heart).
Or, if you want to raise the stakes, tell the third party that she named the baby after your fiance because there's a good chance the baby is his. Extra credit if you do it in front of your brother-in-law.
I can't vouch for the future of your relationship with your sister -- or between your fiance and brother-in-law if you go that route, but it could send your sister straight to the county clerk's office for a name change.

Answer 8

Well, I guess it's time for some new traditions! Your brother has a right to the tradition to don't you think? She was definitly being selfish but no matter how many times people on here tell you that it won't make it better. When you get pregnant consider some different names.

Answer 9

It really is petty but who cares. I would be mad, alot goes into picking names for some people. I think in naming a child you speak some sort of destiny on them. If you name your daughter champagne you really can't be shocked when she tells you her aspirations are to become a porn star! I'm not saying a child can't make his own way, I am however saying that a name can help and hinder. It really irks me when people bite off other people so easy (both names? DAMN!). She tells you that you don't have kids yet like you don't know that almost as if to say her name theft is a divine right of the pregnant. Legally I guess it is, but you did right letting her know. Your husband should cosign your disgust. Go ahead and use the names when you have children and be sure to let them know they are special despite the fact that "AUNT BERTHA" can't be her own person.

Answer 10

It's sad and silly that families place more importance on tradition than harmony. Respecting family tradition would not be just between you and she but would also involve other family members. If her husband and yours have a say in it and the grandparents also, perhaps the two of you could find an agreement. If not...welcome to family feud!

Answer 11

You are upset over nothing. My brother's name is Mike as are two of my cousins. Every Greek family I know has 3 or 4 Nicks. It's just normal.

She is not being selfish; you are just being territorial and petty about nothing. Clearly she likes those names and since you aren't pregnant, she is certainly at liberty to use any name that she likes. You choose to be stuck to an unwavering tradition. Your problem, not hers.