How to let go of grudges?

Question

My heart seems like its an collection point of grudges. I have a lot of grudges and it drains my energy. As soon as I rewind back my past years, I come over a bitter event and the person done me wrong. It seems like Im unable to let go of grudges in a healthy way. Is it because Im too proud, maybe I should simply take this with humor. I always get furious when thinking about those events. This often happens when I try to rest and relax. Then the past years come to mind and my mind is burning. I dont like to feelings of hunger for revenge that I feel to the people because I know they are unhealthy for me. There is no major event in my life where I can say that somebody did something big wrong to me, no, I'm full of small grudges to people that insulted me, made jokes about me, people who embarrassed me, and stuff like that. I think I take my self a bit too serious, I should laugh more about all those events. I feel like those feelings are poisonous too me and want to get rid of them

Answer 1

These feelings keep coming back because you have not tried to deal with them. my advice is to write out the feelings in a journal and slowly you'll learn to let go.

Answer 2

Here is an idea that has helped me. What you should do is write letters to all of the events and people who have wronged you or you have grudges about. If there are many of them this may take time I would suggest starting with one and see how you feel afterwards. You write an unsent letter. What that means is you write all of your feelings towards the event or person or both until you feel your grudge leaving. It may be one page or it may be 100. After you have expressed all of your feelings destroy the letter. Some suggestions for destruction could be to rip the paper into the smallest pieces that you possibly can. Another is to burn it in a bbc or a fire place or even a coffee can. Then you have expressed your feelings and you can be at peace with the event or person. But in order for these letters to work you need to express ALL FEELINGS and then you need to LET GO. I know that it sounds hard and even strange but believe me this will work.

Answer 3

What you are having when you are trying to relax is negative thoughts...negative thoughts bring about bad feelings.

Feelings just are, you can't stop feeling something, but you can learn to control your negative thinking. always ask yourself where is the proof of your thought.

We are all the centre of pranks and jokes at one time or another so unless it was done to you expressly to hurt you you should be able to handle these little stuff as you call it.

You may have to go to group therapy or just therapy to learn how to control and stop your negative thinking.

These are my guidelines which I followed after I took group therapy, (this is where I learned how negative thinking can waste your life and the people who you have these bad feelings and thoughts about are not worth the energy and time you devote to them)

1. Examine your negative thought. its easier said then done, we had to write them down.

2. Look for proof of the negative thinking, you know what proof do I have that so and so thinks that way about me...usually there is none if there is then that is not a negative thought, let that person go if you feel they don't like you and avoid them...but if there is no proof just your feelings, then it could be a negative thought, this is just an example...in therapy you are given scenarios to act out and think through...

3. If you are having worries about people or things or events, they usually are negative, this may cause you to appear anti social because you are letting your negative thinking take over and you lose opportunities to meet new people and advance even in work. Think about what worries you and ask yourself what if that does happen so what, at least I won't have missed the dance or life if you will..

I know this is long but having this train of thoughts all the time is vey disturbing, I know, I didn't realize it that I was having all this negative thinking and the results of it that caused me to depression, it isn't worth the energy to keep on thinking that way and you will never enjoy what there is to enjoy out there, so do seek help if this persists you will see people in a different light, its not true that life is better for everyone else but you that is just another negative thought.

Last but not least never degrade yourself even in your mind, you know you hear people say oh dear how could I have been so stupid, well don't tell yourself things like that, try and catch yourself if you do this and turn it to a positive imediatly and confirm to yourself that you are just human and humans make mistakes. Good luck and God's speed.

Answer 4

First... think of how they (grudges) harm you, which is what you are doing, and decide the cost of holding on to them is not worth it.
Many years ago I went through a terrible divorce and I found a book called "Forgiving the Unforgivable", it gave me to two things that have pricelss value:
1) You don't have to reconcile with the other person or people to forgive them, if you can it is good to, but forgive them yourself, whether you actually talk to them or not. Sometimes we can't reconcile with the person themselves, but we can forgive.
2) When you forgive, you set a prisoner free... yourself. Who is the one wallowing in it? You. When you let the burden go, it goes as much as you let it.

You are wise to recognize grudges, bitterness, are indeed a powerful poison. They lessen your life.

I do not know your beliefs, I am a Christian, and I just tell God "it's yours, I don't want to live in it." And he does great things to move me on.

It is our nature to hold on to hurts and the negative, but when we release it we get life.

Answer 5

You've got enough baggage to move to Mars!
You've got to let it go. What earthly good does it to dwell on the insults of others?
Think about it this way; they came into the world exactly the same way you did; so are no better than you; so why let their mindless and cruel platitudes ruin your life?
Lighten up; consider the source next time and just roll with the punches.

Answer 6

Even though I never tried it myself, I have a gut feeling yoga may help in letting go of grudges

Answer 7

Revenge, when u have grudge u need revenge, ask god, he surely knows about it, he has experience filling the world with water or burning it.