should i stay with my husband?

Question

I have been unfaithful to my husband. I don't love him anymore. We have seperated, he doesn't know that i was with any1 else. I feel so so guilty though, as we have 3 kids. I also suffer from severe depression and was in hospital. I really appreciate everything he did when i was there. He was a good Dad, but sadly only started being a good husband lately, but it's too late. However today I feel so guilty for upsetting him, as he still loves me, and I don't want to be alone, and i feel that I can't cope with the kids. All the time I have been depressed I don't like being alone. Do you think I should get back with him and say with no intimacy? or should we stay seperated? or what do you suggest? The idea of me being with him again repulses me. Obviously I do care for him, as we were together for 10 years, but not in the way I should, and it is not fair on either of us to be together, but I need advice PLS

Answer 1

There is still time to fix things if you both are wiling to work at it!

Good Luck.

Answer 2

I think you may be putting the cart before horse. You seem confused and I don't think you even know what you want or how you feel. Don't make this decision without seeking serious help from a professional and take plenty of time working out whatever is going on in your marriage and your life. You said the idea of being with him repulses you but for ten years it did not. Why did you all the sudden go from attraction to repulsion towards this man. Did you suffer some trama or did you do something that caused YOU to feel guilt and shame? Whatever it is, don't do anything without real help. You have kids who need their mom to be okay, with or without their dad.

Answer 3

A relationship is a two way street. You have to both love each other. If you are 100% sure that you are not in love with him and that it repulses you to stay with him then you are not being fair to him by leading him on. I know you feel obligated to him because he is such a good person, but if he repulses you, how can you make things work? Also, have you tried the marriage counselor thing yet? And if you are always depressed, have you tried psychotherapy along with a psychologist? Sounds like you need meds and counseling separate from your marriage. If you are on meds and still feel really depressed, it might be time to change your prescription.

Answer 4

I think you answered your own question. I am inclined to believe that you want to stay separated. If he repulses you then that is not a good thing.Don't stay with him because of the kids. That is the oldest excuse out there.Your kids are feeling the tension in the house. That is not fair to them. You said you were depressed. I hope you are seeing a professional Dr.He can put you on a anti-depressant and possible want you to go to counseling. I think your depression is keeping you from making the right decision as far as your situation is concerned. Nothing is going to change unless you act on it. I'm sorry you feel this way but it's up to you. God Bless!

Answer 5

Don't feel guily he cheated on you too!!! All men cheat. If you still love him and he takes care of you then get back together and keep your mouth shut. You obviously haven't learned the facts of life:

1. There is no Santa
2. There might be a Bigfoot
3. All men cheat, almost all women cheat
4. Marriage ruins relationships (moving in is the same)
5. Everyone lies (you even lie to yourself)
6. Life is not fair

Good luck and Happy Holidays. Email me if you want to
hear the truth. You can ask me anything. I don't lie unlike
the other answers you will get.

Answer 6

Dear, you are conflicted and depression could be
clouding your judgement. You do care for him but
loving attraction isn't there...so what?
You are not a schoolgirl anymore. Puppy love and
hot sexual passion aren't there because depression robs you of your will to live. Your con-
dition can affect his behavior as well, and the fact
that he's now snapped out of it and being a better
person is great.

Stay with your husband and allow him to help you
to help you in this most difficult time in your life.
Let him be there for the kids too. They're are
being challenged by your condition too. They need
one stable parent, and he can provide that right
now. YOU BOTH can create intimacy, but that's
not important now. Your health is...and he knows it.

Tell him that you cheated. Ask for forgiveness. His
love for you will keep him there, and he'll forgive
you because he loves you and the kids.
He knows that you are not well, and won't hold it
against you.
Concern yourself with getting well. You say that
the thought of being with him repulses you.
Guess what? With depression, you are repulsed
by you!
Stay with him...raise your children...and actively
seek the treatment you need to get well.
Prayer helps too. It"s helped my wife during her
depression. Sit down quietly and look into each
other's eyes, without judgement, and you will see
love in him...and in yourself.

Take care. Be well. God bless you.

Answer 7

I think your depression is getting in the way of making the
best choice for yourself I have been in the same situation
back and forth to hospitals, I liked it better there than at home
with my husband of 22 years second marriage, but this is
what happened I was put on the proper meds and Im doing
so....much better but.....theres more we began going to
church and turning our lives over to God and though he has
done some horrid things behind my back and got caught
I trust him now though sometimes it comes up in my mind
what he did to me,and I just shake it off and say a quick prayer for God to take away the yuckky thoughts, now when
I see him praying and worshiping God I know but I know he is
a changed person. a lot of men are mean.....and unfortunately
you don't know this until they have you trapped and they are
tough guys look at the news so,,,many women murdered by
there husband or boyfriend, Please consider from one who
has been through hell and back to find a doctor who can help
you for you are the heart of the family and when the heart of
the family is hurt nothing works, I know it is so,,,,tiring to take
care of your kids during your depression you probable don't
even want to get out of bed maybe you don't even shower
or brush your teeth for days, that used to be me, or I would freak out scream break things etc, then feel guilty for doing
stuff like that ya know. Now you have to tell your husband
in a calm way right now you need a break, boy did I take my
breaks my credit card and stayed in a motel I had to for me
ya know. Don't allow sex with another guy make the decision
to stay or go bottom line no matter who you are with there will
be problems maybe worse than you already have, but please
have a heart to heart with your husband then let your heart
guide you on your path in life, take care of you theres' only
one of you ya know.
Jen

Answer 8

First of all. good luck dealing with the answers you're gonna get here...people here don't like cheaters, it seems, and are not afraid to say so. What others don't seem to understand is that being unfaithful is usually indicative or a deeper-lying problem in the relationship, and you pretty much have stated that you're just not into your hubby anymore..I would suggest doing him, and yourself a favor by at the very least separating so that you can sort this all through. Please stop being afraid of being alone..it is very liberating and you just might like it after a bit. No, its not fair of you to deprive him or yourself of happiness.

Answer 9

difficult, if the idea repulses u maybe u need time away to think, far away, dwell over ur options, prob sounds like u should leave him, some people would say stay for the kids, but if thers no love?? if it cant b rekindled,,, try to come to some amicable arrangement for the kids,,, take time to think this through...

Answer 10

Let him go you can't have your cake and eat it to. He's a good dad, and although he stayed with you through severe depression he wasn't a good husband? Quit making it all about you and grow up. Let the man find someone who will appreciate him.

Answer 11

Go back. It sounds like he is a good guy, and recently they done a study on marriages in trouble. 1/2 the women stayed and 1/2 left. In five years they reinterviewed and the women who stayed and worked on the relationship were much happier than those who tried to start over. You have too much invested in the children.

Get a counselor and try to work this out.