Should I get back with my husband?

Question

Me and my Husband split up yesterday, cos I don't love him anymore, and haven't done for a while, and it's not fair on either of us.
I suffer from severe depression, and find it very difficult to look after myself, let alone our 3 kids. All the time I have been depressed I don't like being on my own and am very worried about being lonely, and am scared about spending so much time myself. I know that I will dwell on things, and I will have noone to talk to, or cuddle when things go wrong. I shall have to cook every meal. Go to the shop every time I need something. Do everything in the home myself, and I don;t feel like I am a strong enough person for all of that. On top of it all, I feel so guilty, obviously I still care for the guy, just not in that way. He is the father to my 3 kids, and we have been together for 13 and a half years, so i am bound to miss him and the pain of missing him as a companion hurts, and i feel guilty for my kids sakes too. What should I do? I don't know

I have been in hospital with my depression. Even before I was depressed I felt the same way about my husband. If you read my other question then you shall see it in more detail. All my friend's and the doctors all think that i would be better being seperated from my husband. I didn't plan to seperate until I felt better, but it has happened now.

This is a question I added previously:

For years my husband neglected me, was never home and was always on the computer. I felt so irritated and annoyed, but i still loved him.
These past couple of years however, i have felt that i do not love him anymore. I have found other men attractive, which i didn't before. When he tried any sexual act I feel repulsed, as i don't even fancy him anymore either. I do have a high sex drive, but just not with him. We hav 3 kids together. I have tried so hard to get my feelings back for him, but I can't, and the longer I try, the worse I feel about him.
I told him the way I felt and we both decided that he should leave. Poor thing was crying as he still loves me, but I just don't love him. I feel very guilty, but I can't stay in a loveless marriage just cos I feel sorry for him.
I feel very bad too, as his family can't see what is wrong with me, and they are going to hate me for not loving, & hurting him. I will miss my relationship with them.

Oh yeah, and there was also the fact of the drinking and drugs that he did. I know it takes 2 to fail a relationship, so I am not saying that I am innocent. Should I get him to come back on the circumstances that he helps me look after the kids?

Answer 1

I feel for you and understand what you are going through. I am in the same situation but without the depression. First and most importantly you need to care for yourself! If you are not healthy, mentally and physically, then you cannot care for yourself or your children. Change of any kind is scary and you must be strong to get through it. Do you have family and friends to be a support system for you through all of this? You will need them and times will be tough but if you are that unhappy and the marriage is contributing or causing the depression then you need to let it go. No one can promise a better tomorrow but you shouldn't have to live so unhappy and hurting, nor should your children. Before you can fix a marriage, leave your husband, or be there for your children you need to "fix" you! You need to seek help, and it sounds like professional help at this stage, but get well and then reevaluate what it is that you want. You can make it without him but only if you are strong enough to let him go. Good luck!

Answer 2

You did the right thing by not staying. it wouldnt be fair to him. As far as still being severely depressed, i would say you still need counseling and just because you have been hospitalized for it once doesnt mean you cant be hospitalized for it again. Esp. if you feel you arent strong enough to do things on your own. You still need help.

Answer 3

Go see a doctor,and get some counseling with an anti depression medication. Your depression could possibly the reason you're disliking your hubby, it could be a false feeling.

Answer 4

You need to get some counseling to help with your depression honey. If you don't, you could spiral out of control... you're words are worrisome... you seem to be preplanning your own failure in life... you should never do that. You have 3 children to look after, and they need you desperately... do not fail them. Seek some help and guidance... Best of luck to you!!

Answer 5

REALLY I FEEL VERY PITY ON U . . . . I CAN UNDERSTAND HOW U FEEL . . . TALK TO UR DOCTOR ABOUT UR DEPRESSION . . I NO IT IS REALLY VERY VERY HARD TO FORGET THINGS . . ENGAGE URSELF IN SOME OTHER ACTIVITY LIKE PAINTING , OR IN WAT U R INTERESTED IN . . SPEND TIME WITH UR KIDS PLAY WITH THEM , GET NEW FRIENDS , U CAN DO A LOT FROM UR HOME DONT JUST THINK ABOUT THE THINGS THAT MAKE U FEEL BAD . . IF U KEEP ON THINKIN THE SAME NOTHING WILL CHANGE EVERYTHING IS IN UR HANDS . . GET OUT OF IT THINK THAT U R A STRONG PERSON . . . DONT GIVE UP FRIEND . . EVERYTHING LL B FINE SOON :)

Answer 6

Get to a doctor for your depression.

Get yourself and your husband to a marriage counselor.

Good Luck

Answer 7

no you need to let him go. If he was a good husband he would have been there for you

Answer 8

Do not give up on him, PRAY to GOD and ask him to help you he is knocking on your heart and wants to help so let him. Let him mend your marriage and life.

Answer 9

WAH WAH WAH, men read this carefully and never get married. You don't see this side of her until you say "I do"!!!