some advice?

Question

I was wondering if anyone here was ever in the same boat as me and how you coped with the situation....

Recently my partner of 8 years left me for somebody else she met whilst at work (within the space of a week). Her reasons for leaving were that she wasn't very happy and that this new guy made her feel as though she could be herself. I was shocked and still am shocked that she has gone as I was very happy in our relationship.

What is really eating away at me is the thought of her starting a new life (right this second) with this new guy. The intimate, effectionate and sexual moments we shared together (not three weeks ago) Its killing me and I was wondering how others haved coped with the love of their life gone and in love with someone else.

We were together 8 years had just bought a home together (4 months ago) and we were engaged - we wanted to buy a house first and then save for the wedding. She met this guy at work - she is a teacher and so is he, they became good friends over the past two months and now this has happpened!

Answer 1

Wow! It is a tough road to travel, isn't it?! You have my sympathy, as I know what it is like to have the person you have made the center of your life turn to somone else. Eight years is a long time, & I really think you are going to hurt over this for some time-sad to say.
After being in a relationship for nearly four years & finding out that he'd been cheating on me for the entire time-I was devastated. I still loved him for two years after we split & even got involved with someone else & inadvertently ruined that relationship, because I did not allow myself sufficient time to heal. One day, I had vision of running into the ex as I drove by a farmiliar place that related to him. I won't get into details about the vision, but I was completely OVER HIM after I had the vision. I felt so relieved to FINALLY be able to let go.
This is not going to be easy, I know, so just try to hang in there & surround yourself with people who are supportive of you.
PLEASE, do not allow yourself to become intimately involved with anyone else as an attempt to get over the former lover/partner-let yourself heal. If you fail to follow my last bit of advice, not only will you hurt someone else, but you will draw out the healing process that needs to take place within yourself.
I am very sorry for your loss & I wish you the very best.
As I said previously, you WILL know when the time is right to move on & pursue someone else. And when you do make an attempt to move forward into a new relationship-look for similar character flaws that you should already be aware of, due to your recent relationship with the one who hurt you.

Answer 2

I would say that it isn't because she doesn't love you. I think she left because after 8 years, she was tired of waiting for a commitment from you. She didn't want to be 45 years old and still in a non-commital relationship. Likely she wants a home and family. I guess the best thing you can do is just move on with your life and know that this will happen again because women don't wait forever. I'm sorry. I hope you can move through it. I would think about the commitment issue. It's important.

Answer 3

First, I think you need to understand that something had to be going on for some time and you need to go back and see that you didn't notice for some reason.

Second, what in your relationship with her would have prevented her from "being herself"? Are you controlling, abusive, needy or is this something within her only?

Third, you need to stop thinking about this new guy and her, that is a rebound relationship and those are doomed from the beginning. They obviously have no class or conscience to just ditch and run.

Fourth, be the best you that you can be, learn from this experience on how to do better next time. Don't go out looking for a replacement or to "get even", that only hurts you.

Fifth, take your time in getting to know someone, don't get into the sack and then get to know them, bad decision. Try to be friends first, that takes many months of constantly being together to see how they react in different situations.

If you feel you need to talk to someone, counselors are a great way to get it all out.

Answer 4

If she's able to feign happiness for so long and then blindside you by leaving when she never even told you she was unhappy so you could try to work together on whatever issues she was having, then she isn't worth much anyway. What goes around comes around, as they say, and her new "love" will probably turn sour as quickly as it got started.

Try to keep busy whether it's by getting a new hobby or being with friends and family, anything so that you don't sit around and brood about it. I've never been in this exact situation but I've had a few failed relationships and it's always easier if you keep busy.

Answer 5

My first thought on her "quick to act" judgement to be with this new guy is perhaps she is overwhelmed with flattery for all this new attention. After 8 years maybe things got a little too routine for the two of you. Then along comes an attractive guy who turns on the charm, and like a magnet, she's sucked in. Don't do anything - nothing! If you love her, if your willing to forgive her, all will fall back into place when she comes back home to you.

Answer 6

Every one between Free Ang and Julie H... Are mean and insane... don't listen to any of those people.

The relationship ended. Try not to think about it as something you need to analyze. People decide things. That's what life is about. I am NOT saying just forget about her. Recognize that this person was in your life and isn't anymore.

Try to figure out, on YOUR end what you may have missed about yourself. I can tell you now, that you are going to want to communicate more with the next partner. (Sounds like ther communication here was slow..) But, take a break before you dive in. Go out on your own, spend some time alone and get retro on this. You are too close to it.

This happens alot, please, understand you aren't alone. People are fickle...

Good Luck

Answer 7

there is no right answer to this question, everyone heals diff and think diff, therefore what is good for one is not so good for the other!! unfortunately!!! but you are not alone. it suxs and thats just that.. but you need to figure out a game plan for when she decides that after having only known this person a "week" that she made a wrong decision and wants back with you; are you going to take her back?, are you goin to be able to forgive her?, are you going to be able to not hold it against her when she does come back?, or are you goin to just move on from her?, try not to let this ruin any hope for future romance (which it alwasy does as far as trust goes). it shows that after all your time she couldn't come to you and say what her probs are. that is sad and says to me, she just wanted out or something new. ( why did you not get married and be so long in JUST a relationship?, maybe there is a reason?)

Answer 8

You know what accept it and move on she'll be back when she sees that the grass was'nt greener on the other side after all.

Answer 9

My ex's woman called me once complaining about him. I told her and real nice like....Biotch, what the hell makes you think I care? He's your problem now not mine and call me with this **** again and I will reach through the phone and strangle your ***. After that I don't know what happened with them, and I don't care.

Answer 10

WHAT >>>>> DO you like punishment? You created your own circumstances . Now fix it!!