do u forgive them..this happened to me..and im scared of her..i loved her b4 this all happened..now im scared..and i want to think of her the same as i did b4 this happened. I took every hit she gave me and she looks and talks like a guy and hits like a guy. i cany stand to forget about that night..should i though? she got a tattoe of my name and i think im in love with her...she never is violent and when she found out she hit me..she cried and she had no memory of what happened/ what should i do?
2007-12-28 21:27:13 · 19 answers · asked by lailaolivia 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Does she understand the severity of what she did? I know she doesn't remember the incident itself, but now as her sober-self, does she really get it? Have you told her all this? She needs to hear it all, the good the bad and the ugly. This happened to me 1 time, 1 time was all it took...and I was the drunken idiot being agressive and abusive towards my guy. I was so ashamed and embarassed, but I had to hear it to grow and improve myself. We are now married and have a great relationship. But we couldn't have if I didn't face how ugly I had been. Not saying she is an alcoholic, but maybe laying off alcohol is needed. I developed an allergy to alcohol, so that's a surething! Good luck to you both. Open communication is the key.
2007-12-28 21:38:13 · answer #1 · answered by Luwanda 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My friend, this is not her relationship, but yours too.
I sense you are more worried about losing your girlfriend than you are protecting yourself physically and emotionally.
Because you are obviously being hurt physically and emotionally, you need to stop this cycle before it turns into your worst nightmare.
If it's alcohol that's making her someone she really isn't, out of your love for her, you need to ask her to stop drinking and let her know you can't be in an abusive relationship.
If she's mentally unstable and can't remember she's hurting you, then you either need to find a way to get her into treatment, talk to someone close to you, or her parents/relatives, or as hard as this is, stay away from people like her.
You say you are scared of her. There are many men in this world who become battered boyfriends and husbands, and it all starts in the same way you're experiencing. Sad but true.
Please do the forgiving by having a serious talk with her and telling her there won't be a next time, and if you sense she's drinking stay clear of her so she'll know you mean it.
If she cares for you like it sounds she does by her apologies, then she'll get help and stop this.
Is there a chance she has had other boyfriends she has done this too as well? What type of upbringing is she or was she in to cause this type of behavior?
You need to be realistic about situations like this, because this is not a dream, it really happened according to what you're saying.
About the tattoo, anyone can get a tattoo, but that doesn't mean it gives another the right to abuse.
If you feel you can continue this relationship with the thought of when the next time she's going to get physical with you, please remember you will be in an unstable relationship, and by allowing this, she will keep doing what she's doing.
I know in your heart you'd like to forgive and forget, but if she continues to behave the way you say she did, and you're already scared of her, and this happens again, you will become more and more scared and be as disfunctional as she is.
Ask yourself if this is worth the worry, the scars and pain you have already endured and may endure over again, before it leads to you either getting angry and hitting her back, or something worse as you hear on the news.
You can love someone and not be with them which will hurt, but without the physical hurt. Can you be strong enough to live your life this way, or change things before they get worse?
You failed to say how long you've been with this girl.
If you just met her you may be infatuated and not in love.
If you've known her for several months or years you should already know what she's like, her background, what she likes to do, hang out with, what her household is like, etcetera.
For your own well-being, please stand firm and let her know you'd like to be with her, but can't be in an abusive relationship.
If you have good loving parents, friends or others that care about you, think of what they'd tell you as well.
Good luck. I hope it all works out for the two of you.
God bless you!
2007-12-29 06:09:18 · answer #2 · answered by dnsrmr 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your girlfriend needs counseling, and so do you. This is unacceptable behavior. Drinking to the point of losing control is a serious thing, and needs to be addressed. Being injured and fearful is also very serious.
If you won't or are unable to get counseling, get out. That sounds harsh, but until the behavior is addressed and dramatically and permanently modified, the potential for much harsher things happening strongly exists. Play it safe for yourself and your girlfriend. Get help immediately.
2007-12-29 05:36:36 · answer #3 · answered by A F 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whether it is your girlfriend or partner, or anyone else amd whether it is after drinking or just because she has a temper which is unjustified and she cannot see reason, then I suggest you put as much distance between yourself and her as posible. It may be tough on you and you may end up losing other things or people you may have cherished - but in the end if you cannot live with a person for whatever reason, then don't try and "keep going". GET OUT !
2007-12-29 05:37:21 · answer #4 · answered by SOLI L 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She has a SERIOUS problem.
Alcohol can be considered worse the many other drugs.
other Hard drugs take you out quicker
Alcohol is slow because it's cheap.
Yet none the less dangerous .
My family owns a bar . None of us drink.
Sorry to say but its liquid crack.
Just because you have her put in jail over one of her outrages dose not mean you don't love her.
And yes it my require a little out of your pocket to help her get through it.
It's a small price to pay considering the other stuff it can lead to
It's called tough love . And one of the hardest loves to "see"
The courts can sentence recovery programs.
It's a very serious "lesson" to be learned in life
Just because you can, dosen't mean you should.
2007-12-29 05:58:35 · answer #5 · answered by "Not today, Zurg!" 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your girlfriend definitely has an alcohol problem. I would say that you should break up with her unless she is willing to get some serious psychological help or help from an organization like Alcoholics Anonymous. If she is unwilling to get help, the situation will only get worse, and you should leave now to avoid getting hurt any more.
You can also report her to the police, to get her into the system where she can get some help.
For yourself, check into Al-anon.
2007-12-29 05:34:12 · answer #6 · answered by drshorty 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She needs some counseling, therapy or something. Or she needs to give up alcohol forever. If you are not too deep in the relationship, I would run for the hills, if you want to work it through, let her know you will not stay if it happens again, and keep your word.
2007-12-29 05:30:37 · answer #7 · answered by simplyfabulous 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Seriously work it out! Make shure she doesn't drink too much beer or wine, and talk to her about-tell her you love her but this can't go on! And say you might have to get a counseler or something if it gets out of hand!! She'll understand if she really loves you.
2007-12-29 05:31:31 · answer #8 · answered by Insert Title Here 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She shouldnt be hitting you at all. And being drunk isnt an excuss. I drink a lot, and sometime gets maore angry than if i was sober. But I dont Hit my fiance.
2007-12-29 10:49:06 · answer #9 · answered by Joyce C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
man yo girl got issues and if you love her stay wit her but its gonna be alot of drama what if your not wit her and she gets drunk you say she dont remember **** so she will cheat on you and not remember da! there are alot of girls out here alot of time people feel like they cant leave that person or guilt man move on you dont need her there is always someone better. peace save the drama fo ya mama lol.
2007-12-29 05:45:07 · answer #10 · answered by babygirl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋