My husband comes and goes for days especially when its payday. But always return he has a bad drug habit, when he is not doing that he is the best husband in the world. Never yells, cuss or hit me ever in the 15yrs together. Right now we are serperated and I tired not to talk to him on the phone but he keeps txting me on my cell how is hurt and sad, that he is nothing without me. He's been talking about killing himself and I'm scared since he has tired it once awhile back. He promise to change but I heard those words before. What do I do? I still love him so but can't handle being a doormate no more.
2007-12-28 19:14:30 · 18 answers · asked by mzlatina 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Don't let him back in untill he goes threw some type of rehab.
How dare he use the threat of Suicide to get back in the house. Thats NOT love at all, what it is..is manipulation. Can you speak with his parents and alert them to his threat as maybe he could hear it better from them as to getting some help.
You need a support group and or counseling so you'll know how to better deal with your husband.. please do it soon you will learn how to take charge and NOT be a door mat any longer.
Maybe you can get your number changed on your cell if he is bugging you all the time.
2007-12-28 19:25:09 · answer #1 · answered by A Messi No More 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to issue an ultimatum ot this cycle of misery will never end. There's no such thing a a "sometimes" best husband in the world...it sounds like he's punching in and out of a job. You need stability which is something you can't get from someone is as manic as your husband. Get out of your denial and admit he needs some serious help especially if he is pondering suicide. Keep in mind that people with addictions must first admit they have a problem and be pro-active in finding a solution...rehab of course. get your husband to commit to some serious help and you will also help get well by encouraging and reminding him of what he's to do.
I don't know whether to buy into the self-pity. Your husband says he's nothing without you, yet his actions are a sure way to alienate you. I believe he's lost control and needs professional help asap...this situation is not going to get better without professional outside intervention. Get on this now if you want to save the marriage
2007-12-28 19:23:47 · answer #2 · answered by alex m 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First thing you do when someone threatens suicide is to call the police and have them send an ambulance to where ever the person is at the time.
If your husband is suicidal, he needs to be hospitalized.
If your husband is a drug addict he needs to be hospitalized.
And, he might need to be in a dual-diagnosis facility (for those with mental illness and addiction).
Please don't take him back... you feel sorry for him and are living a "cycle" .. so you go around and around doing the same thing over again, expecting different results. This is the definition of insanity, and i'm sure that's what it feels like, too.
Doesn't matter to me whether he hasn't hit or cussed at you.... you are living in a bad situation with someone who needs help. Meanwhile, you might consider getting help for yourself too. Try an OPEN Narcotics Anonymous meeting or talk with a doc for a referral to a therapist.
by talking with a therapist you will find direction and ways for improving your life, will learn how to take care of YOU, which is most important of all.
hugs
2007-12-28 19:29:22 · answer #3 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well it sounds like you are in the same boat as me. My husband is in a rehab right now and I have have gone through so much. I have also posted a question about my own issue and I have given my husband a choice rehab or the door. We have yet to see how this will work out I hope this works out because I love my husband and when he is not high he is amazing but when he wants to get high he has drained our bank account he even did this on Thanksgiving and took our only car and disappeared leaving me and our 3 kids with no money and no car on Thanksgiving. I have given him so many chances because he is a great father and husband when he is sober but I cant be with a man that loves his dope more than me and our kids... So I have given him one LAST chance with rehab after this it is up to him to keep our family together
2007-12-28 19:33:04 · answer #4 · answered by beani baby 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would tell him to get some help psychologically and maybe in Rehab for the drugs before you consider taking him back ESPECIALLY if you have kids in the house because they do not need to be around any of this!
If he loves you and really wants it to work with you then he will consider this and then maybe even some marriage counseling after the Rehab.
Explain to him how you feel and this is the route to take or else you need to move on with your life. Tell him you will help him and be there for him if he is willing to help himself first!
2007-12-28 19:20:09 · answer #5 · answered by Rhoni 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do whatever makes you happy. He's probably not serious when he threatens suicide. If you don't think he'll ever change, it's time to move on. Sure he never yells, cusses, or hits you, no husband is supposed to do that. There are plenty of men that don't yell, cuss and hit and don't have a drug problem. You deserve better! Give him a time frame to change, and if he doesn't or slips one time then he's gone for good.
2007-12-28 19:19:19 · answer #6 · answered by Madison 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him you will not let him back until he gets himself some help. As long as he has a drug habit, nothing is ever going to change for the better. Don't let him make you feel guilty when he threatens to kill himself. He won't do it, he just wants attention. If he were going to kill himself, he would have done it the first time he tried.
2007-12-28 19:43:15 · answer #7 · answered by luciousgreeneyedlady 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband really needs help before you even consider taking him back into your life. He has become trapped in this vicious cycle that will most likely end in death.
He has threatened to kill himself. Does he not realize that what he is doing now is essentially suicide? He is telling you that he is hurt, but his pain is being caused by his actions.
He has hurt you and brought this negative thing into your marriage. The man needs to regain his self love so that he knows that he is worthy of living a normal healthy life.
When he texts you, ask him to get help and do not call or text back until he agrees.
2007-12-28 19:27:00 · answer #8 · answered by Talkstress 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's the drugs. Jekyll and Hyde. If he wants to come back bad enough then tell him he has to go to rehab first and complete the treatment before you'll let him back in. He needs to get help and want to be helped or other wise rehab won't work. Without the rehab your marriage won't improve. It will continue to get worse.
2007-12-28 19:29:48 · answer #9 · answered by T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tough situation. Don't handle this alone. Go to counseling and have him check in a rehab and complete it before you allow him back in the home. You have to lay down your guidelines and stick with them. I know you love him ( you would have to, to put up with it for 15 years) but you need to figure this out not let him figure out when he wants to be at home and when he don't. I know it is tough, but hang in there. Pray, it works 8)
2007-12-28 20:25:40 · answer #10 · answered by onenonlymanna 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋