Hubby and I are married for 3.5 yrs. Its his 2nd marriage +he got a child with his ex. Bout 2 yrs ago his mum, him and I had a big fall out, ending with her telling me she doesnt like me, as long as she is alive she doesnt want to see me, she wants my hubby back together with his ex. Since that day I havent seen or talked to her. I told my hubby not to push her away, after all she's still his mum but he said he doesnt have anything to say to her. Yesterday I decided to clean the basement and found a stack of letters my hubby has been receiving from his mum. They have been in contact for the last 2 yrs. They sent each other bday,xmas cards/presents, she calls him at work every week. Also I found letters from his ex. They are in contact for a while now and there is no word about me in his letters. I asked him last night if he had talked to his mum or anyone else lately, he said he hasnt heard a word from his mum in 2 yrs. I dont know what to do. It seems like he is living in two worlds.
2007-12-28 19:04:45 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He will deploy to Iraq in January and I dont know whether I should say something now or just ignore it. We had big trust issues in the beginning of our relationship, he didnt tell me about his child. He kept saying the girl was from his ex's new boyfriend. I believed him until I found the birth certificate of the girl. I am so confused now. Why is he hiding that he is talking to his mum and ex? I am his wife I think I should know about it, or?
2007-12-28 19:07:28 · update #1
Drop the "evidence" in his lap(the letters). Read his reaction. He sounds like a guy who is afraid of his own "truth",& ashamed of himself. Frankly, he should be! He's not a "man", he's a wimp! Give him 1(& ONLY one) chance to get himself together, IF you think he's worth it. It's your decision really, he's been lying to you for quite awhile, & seems comfortable about doing so. THAT is why I say "give him the evidence, and see what he has to say." But don't be a fool for him. You are smarter than that,I think.
Guard your heart.
2007-12-28 20:05:08 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow. You're definitely not overreacting. That's just weird that he would keep something like that from you. These are serious issues about truthfulness and it's very strange that he would be able to lie to his wife about something this important every day for two years!
If it wasn't for him going to Iraq, I would say get yourself to a marraige counselor asap because this guy needs help. Regardless, I would confront him about what you found before he goes. He may be concerned that his lies could unravel while he's gone and anyone going into Iraq shouldn't have to worry about what may or may not be going on a home. Also, if there is any way to repair your relationship with your mother-in-law, perhaps this would be a start to that end. With him being in Iraq, you two could possibly lean on each other and comfort each other. You will both be worried and he may feel better knowing you are looking after each other. Same thing to some degree with his ex. She is responsible for this man's only child and she will also have some concern and fears while he is in Iraq since your husband is also the father of her child. She will have some interest in his safe return.
Your husband needs to know that his dishonesty is only preventing all of you from developing any kind of healthy relationship. You certainly have your hands full with him leaving and these two other women in his life to contend with. However, you are his wife and he can't be leaving you out of the loop in any aspect of his life - period. This is just unacceptable. If it continues, let him know that you won't stick around - and mean it. This is ridiculous and no one should put up with this.
Good Luck! You're all gonna need it!
2007-12-29 03:23:58 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like a soap opera in the making. I mean no disrespect by that.
For reasons that we will never know he has chosen to lie to you about his Mother, his daughter, and the ex. This is not a solid foundation for a married couple.
If he is going off to Iraq, he already has enough stress in his life at this point, and talking about a divorce might not be in the best of his interests pertaining to his safety. At the same time, he isn't going to be truthful with you about all of the other things, and you have no reason to trust him while he is over there.
You are in a terrible place in life, and all I can say is pray.
2007-12-29 03:14:58 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Gee, i'm sorry.. this is really difficult
Maybe you have found yourself with some sort of big liar? Some people thrive on lying and it is all they seem to do...
He didn't tell you the truth about the child long ago, as well.
Hon, i was with a guy who lied to me about everything. A year into our relationship i figured it out... I felt that, i never really knew him.
I sure hope you get a good answer here.. i'm afraid mine's not that great, but wanted you to know i'm really sorry for your situation.
2007-12-29 03:18:18 · answer #4 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you are not overreacting. But it's no surprise he is lying. Once a liar always a liar. You should let him know you found the letters. Confront the lie head on and see what he says. This is just the beginning of problems. He shouldnt have kept any of this from you. It seems as though you dont know eachother very well with all his lies going on.
2007-12-29 03:17:18 · answer #5 · answered by DidIt 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Confront him on his lies! He can't be trusted, he's proven that. Him keeping in touch with his Mom is no big deal other than him lying to you about it, but the ex that's a different ball park. Talk to him. Get your frustrations out and let him know what the consequences are if you find out he lies to you again.
2007-12-29 03:22:58 · answer #6 · answered by T 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he is just trying to keep the PEACE and NO don't tell him you know about his lying it will only drive him into the ex's arms. You are going to have to make up with his mother, or your marriage will continue down this path of lies... When he is back then you can talk about the secrets, and how secrets will destroy your marriage...
I wish you a LONG and healthy marriage...
2007-12-29 03:21:47 · answer #7 · answered by HoTTTcarmel 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You still have trust issues. He lied to you in the beginning over something that big and you married him? Disaster waiting to happen. I would say something. He is a liar and maybe a cheat.
2007-12-29 03:49:03 · answer #8 · answered by kim h 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ur right, he's keeping big secrets from you. its impossible for you to trust him. he needs to come clean, he needs to demand that his mother show you respect as his wife, even if she doesnt like you. liking someone and respecting someone isnt the same thing. he has to be in contact with his ex because of his daughter but he doesnt need to keep it a secret.
2007-12-29 03:15:34 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You need to confront him now, so you two can clear the air before he goes, otherwise this will fester into a sore too large to be healed. He will have nothing to come home to. Do it now, you need to know, and he needs to know that you are aware of his lies.
2007-12-29 03:27:45 · answer #10 · answered by Barb Outhere 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋