what to do in a agressive,abusive and voilent relationship?

Question

i am in relationship since 3 years.we were very good in beginning but things hav gone worse since one year.he has become very agressive n beats me and abuse me with words like ***** and all.he wants me to break relation with all my old friends n which i am unable to do,i have never heard such words ever in my whole life n never got even a slap from my parents.i feel very humiliating and ashamed of myself.i dont want to break off too since we also love each other a lot n proper committed and dedicated.but when he abuse n hit me i feel like killing myself.i feel so much hurt that i cant even face myself in mirror.i dont want to loose him.i hav often tried to talk to him calmly but he become agressive when v discuss and stop discussion.he always give one explanation for his abuse and beat tht u instigated me.i m getting frustated and lonely day by day but i cant even end my life as i hav vry lovely parents and i m only child.please help me what to do.i just want my love back.

Answer 1

Please leave him.
Please.
E-mail me, I have so much more to say on this.

Answer 2

Hello- I too was in an extremely abusive marraige for a very long period of time...it was very difficult...my parents too were
much of why I stayed afloat...I left my husband and did not give him the chance to hurt me any further...I gave him a chance to get help he needed to change his behavioral problems...he didn't, but I am still alive and moving forward.
The book, "Women who love too much when you keep wishing and hopeing he'll change." is by Robin Norwood, and would be good for you to read. It sorts out all this tramatic mess you have found yourself in, and will help you be able to take a step back and recover from the blows, both physical and emmotional. No man deserves a woman when all he can
do is mistreat them. If he can't even reason with you when you are discussing things with him, he needs much help...and so do you. If he truly is a genuine nice man deep down, he'll
get the help he needs...without you there for now...otherwise,
his true colors will come out...Don't hesitate to ask the local authorities to help you out in obtaining assistance leaving, and also getting a restraining order to stop him from further abuse. The strength comes from within you dear. You don't deserve to be mistreated, and that is NOT love from him it is control. It is ultimately your decision, but there is ways out other than you takeing your life...the door is a good place to start. You can do it. Just be cautious and do things carefully.
Your worth survival, and your worthy of a life without abuse.
Take care and wish you the best!!!
Heart2Heart

Answer 3

Your relationship isn't love. You cannot fix an abuser and an abuser doesn't know how to love. He is trying to isolate you from your friends and probably your family so that he can continue to abuse you. The abuse ALWAYS esculates. Just pick up and walk out without telling him. If you have no place to go or fear he will harm someone where you go, call a woman's help line and do it from a phone that can't be traced back to you by him and they will help you get out safely. Once out, do not contact him. He will just promise to change and then you will be beaten even worse. He will eventually really hurt you or kill you. Get out and make a life for yourself where you don't have to fear anyone or feel lonely because you are isolated. It will get better once you get out and remember what life is supposed to be like. And don't wait. Get out asap. Try to remember that any relationship that makes you feel like you need to kill yourself is just wrong. Get out and get a new life where you will be happy and safe. Good luck to you.

Answer 4

First you need to some how find a way to save money without him finding out. Because you will have to eventually leave this abusive person. Its self preservation. I either had to let the dead weight get off my leg or drown.. and I choose to kick off the dead weight and I barely treaded water at the begining but.. I did it.. so, in short.. one step at a time.. make a plan.
Eventually you will learn to love yourself enough to leave the relationship.Its not easy and I'm not saying your heart doesnt break ..it does. But you have to give it time before your heart catches up to your head..

Answer 5

Salutations to you, and I pray that you are safe.
Everyone here can tell you to leave, call 9-1-1, stay with family or friends, go to a shelter. Which is very good advice, it is up to you to take the advice and act upon it. But...when you get sick and tired of being sick and tired, your self preservation will kick in and you will not be asking on "yahoo answers "what should I do?" You'll be saying, leaving, leaving, Gone!
"My grandmother always told me."gal, (thats what she says "gal") if'in he aint got no gun to yo' head, and he leaves you for more than 30 minutes aday, then you gots time to get gone!" PM me if you want to "discuss" options.

Answer 6

okay i know you love him to death and you would do everything to keep the relationship going. But you have to get out. I know if you ask anyone they will tell you the same thing. You need to get out of that relationship. When you are in a relationship you have to love yourself first (not him). No matter how he tries to lavish you with sorrys and forgiveness you have to be tough you have to fight for your self. You are the only person that can save yourself. Get out of that relationship. YOur partner has issues that he has to figure out on his own. Don't even think about killing yourself because he is not worth it.. you have to love yourself and your family. Just think that one day you'll find a man that will cherish you and love you... you might not think there will be a man like that , but there is.. Think about it. Get out.

Answer 7

The person you thought you loved was a sham. It's an act he put on to suck you in .... that's how they get victims. Does he love you? Sure ... in his own way. Would you accept your father, brother, son, minister acting this way? If he's devalued you to the point where you've considered suicide, please go. Take what you can, and sacrifice the rest. You know this is wrong. Please ... go. There IS healing for you. It'll take a while. But GO.

Answer 8

Honey you are in an abusive relationship and you need to get out of it before it gets worse, you deserve better. Do your friends and family know he does this to you? If not you need to tell them, and you need to leave him and live with one of them for a while.

Answer 9

This man is controlling. His behaviour will only get worse. You will get over him in time. He doesn't love you, because if he did he would try to make you happy, expect you to mix with your friends etc. Leave him and don't go back.

Answer 10

There is not much to do cause even with therapy, he might never change. If you desperatly refuse to leave him, make him go to therapy. If he wont, do leave. He doesnt love YOU he loves feeling superior and dominant to you.
You don't diserve this

Answer 11

The first thing you can do is stop living in denial...and realize he doesn't love you. it always starts out good thats the way they are they get you to fall for them and then they think they have control over you. He doesn't love you ,he loves to control you. your nothing but an object to him. Be strong and leave, get out before its too late. Your gonna have to think about a life without him. your gonna feel lonely until you get him out of your life. You don't know me so you probably think why should you listen to me so i will tell you...listen to me because i know what its like, to wanna close yours eyes and never wake up. i lived thru it...not from a partner but my mom was abused and so was i...it was one of the worst points in my life. my mother was like you she thought the man loved her. i tried so hard to get her to understand that it wasn't love but it seemed like the more he beat her the more she loved him. We finally got out of it. but i had to watch my mother die everyday.she would look in the mirror and she didn't like what she saw i saw a beautiful woman but all she saw was what he made her believe that she was worthless, and that no one one every love her the way he did and that she might as well not even try because she wasn't good enough to be loved....she hated herself she hated what she saw she hated living. im gonna tell you exactly what i told her you have to be strong you got to love yourself and say im a beautiful person, i deserve good things, i deserve to be treated good and i deserve to be loved. you need to get out, my mother did, but sadly it was almost to late. but maybe you can get out before it gets to that point....you can do it and in time maybe you will find someone that will treat you the way u deserve to be treated.