Does this sentence make sense?

Question

I'm doing a little creative writing, and this sentence just came out of my head. I'm not quite sure if it makes sense.

Sentence: I love silent midnights under a dimly lighten light bulb whilst meaninglessly surfing through the unlimited randomness of the internet.
Here is the following sentence, btw: Right now is that time of the day--the pinnacle of my freedom.

I like how the sentence flows... but I'm really not sure if you guys understand it. Please help me if i need to fix it. Thanks!

Answer 1

Since the words flow, allow them to flow. After you have done that, then you can edit your work. Being able to express is very important. You also need to look at the content to see if everything makes sense to the reader because the reader won't be able to read your mind. For example are the 'midnights' literally under 'a dimly lit light bulb'? Editing should not remove the original beauty of the thoughts, so I will give you my version based on what I think your thoughts were and I leave it to you to make any change if necessary.
'I love midnights when I am under a dimly lit light bulb, meaninglessly surfing through the unlimited randomness of the internet.'
Or
'I love midnights when I am able to meaninglessly surf through the unlimited randomness of the internet under a dimly lit light bulb.'
At the same time, you must understand that it is not advisable to always have such long sentences. It may sometimes be wise to shorten sentences. A good creative writing piece should have sentences of various lengths. Also a very short line after a long complicated sentence would drive home the point you want to make very effectively.
Fauziah

Answer 2

The word "whilst" is archaic, "while" is fine. Someone else has pointed out "lighten". Do you really mean that your surfing is meaningless, since you are doing something meaningful by asking this question? Are you casually, thoughtfully, carefully, drowsily, etc surfing? Maybe you do not need a word there.

You might leave out the word "light" in front of bulb, since everyone would know you are talking about a light bulb. See how it sounds to you.

Answer 3

I don't like "dimly lighten light" or "dimly lit light". I would say "under a dim light bulb" or "under a dimly lighted bulb".
I like the mood you set with your other words.

Answer 4

i agree with using lit for lighten.

but i love ''Right now is that time of the day--the pinnacle of my freedom.''

that is flowing.

Answer 5

it should be "dimly lit light" and i ahve so much respect for creative writers because i'm retarded i that subject.

Answer 6

'lit' instead of lighten.
The rest is fine.