My husband sees the negative all the time, whereas I see positives everywhere.
We are in financial trouble, and he gets so down about it. Whereas I am happy we have a roof over our heads, and we can eat everynight.
He grew up with elderly parents and was handed everything, and I lived on the streets after giving up my two children at 18. I now have 2 other children, whom I am greatful for. One is sick and has had 22 surgeries and the other has ADHD and Autism.
I've been pretty sick this last year, and I try to to let him know when I'm having a bad day.
I guess my question is how to I change his thinking, to make things better around the house, because when he gets in his bad moods, he yells at everyone and is so frustrated, because we both work so hard. How do I get him to see that things could be worse, that we could be living on the streets with nothing.
I just would like the happy husband back
2007-12-28 17:06:46 · 10 answers · asked by todamnlovable 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm sorry to hear you're going through so much right now!
It is very difficult to change someone's perspective. Perspective is integral to a person's personality. Make comments that will give him insight into your thinking, such as "I get so much joy out of our children, because...". This comment focuses on the positive of your children and is subtle.
I would suggest that you lead by example. If he finds it difficult to be strong for you right now and gets flustered/frustrated when you are letting him know that you are having a bad day, you may want to find another outlet for yourself right now. Find little things that make you happy that you can do for yourself, to help relieve some pressure. Make sure you are enjoying your husband and children, even in these hard times.
Try to engage them to enjoy their time with you as well.
If you find he still engages in the same behavior, it may just be he is not going to change anytime soon. It is okay... he is still the man you loved when you married him. He is going through a lot with you right now and the most important thing is not necessarily how you're getting through it, but that you're doing it together.
Good luck to you!
2007-12-28 17:29:52 · answer #1 · answered by candiceinks 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe all the difficulties you are experiencing have affected his mood, he may be suffering from depresssion, this often makes people very negative. Perhaps he should consult a medical doctor for a diagnosis. If that isn't the case, just be as positive as you can (although your attitude may irritate him even more), try to be understanding and help him develop ways of coping with his negativity. He may need to devote time each day to taking a walk, relaxing with music, meditating, reading or some other activity that can focus his mind on more pleasant thoughts.
2007-12-28 17:17:12 · answer #2 · answered by ScSpec 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi... i'm pleased for you and your positive attitude, even for all you have been through. sometimes hard luck is what it takes to really look and see the good things in life... i'm so happy you have made a nice life. very sorry to hear you are ill though..
We cant change anyone but ourselves, hon. It's really up to your husband to work toward change.
I suppose that, you can tell him how you feel.... maybe you feel he is stressed and perhaps he can consider talking to someone. doctors really can help people when they are going through personal, emotional issues.. they are used to it... and a family doctor can sometimes help.... if not, they are always pleased to give a referral.
a gentle, loving approach with your husband would be the best thing.. let him know you love him and are concerned for his emotional welfare. tell him he doesn't seem happy, and you want what's best for him. ask him what you can do to make things a little better, if anything?
meanwhile, take care of you... your husband is ultimately responsible for his own well-being... and i hope he will listen to you and perhaps even get some professional advice.
take care of you and those darling kids
2007-12-28 17:14:05 · answer #3 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Ah yes so familiar...only we are turned around...I am half empty and he is half full. My tendency to worry and my negative moods are due to my chemical imbalance. Medication helps. But I think that I worry more in some ways because he doesn't worry. I truly think if he would discuss and plan to counteract trouble with me more, I could relax a little more. What I am saying is if he could be a little more like me and I could be a little more like him, we could both enjoy a little more.
2007-12-28 17:15:13 · answer #4 · answered by Over The Rainbow 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, it is not so much about changing who he is (i.e. rather pessimistic). It is about changing his behavior when he feels that way.
Explain to him how his behavior affects the family and how it brings you all down. Do this without blaming him or making him feel bad for feeling the way he does.
We all react differently to life. But we can all control how we behave towards others.
I have been through this, but from the opposite side.
I changed my behavior because my family is the most important thing to me and I want to preserve their happiness.
I bet it will all work out.
2007-12-28 17:11:22 · answer #5 · answered by vhesponage 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You say you'd like "the happy husband" back, indicating that your husband WAS happy at one time. Have you ever given thought to when he began feeling and acting negatively, and what might have triggered that? Have you talked to him about what made him unhappy?
Until you have discovered what brought on the initial unhappiness, it will be impossible to resolve his depression.
2007-12-28 17:15:45 · answer #6 · answered by Lillian 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
dont try to change him . You two even each outher out . Im sorry about your life but good thing your are happy
2007-12-28 17:11:58 · answer #7 · answered by Stubby hashbrown 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's not going to fake it. You will have a happy husband when he has a reason to be happy.
2007-12-28 17:11:44 · answer #8 · answered by hmmmm 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If he doesn't get it by now through your talking, he probably won't .. this will take a 3rd party to talk with you two.
Seek it .. you won't regret it.
Good Luck!
2007-12-28 17:31:50 · answer #9 · answered by Queenie` 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
um...i would talk things out with him..
or talk to an elderly person who is experienced..
OR
see a marrige counselour!
GOOD LUCK!!!
:-D
2007-12-28 17:09:46 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋