complicated?

Question

I've been dating my boyfriend for 5 months in total. We had a 6 month break that I initiated and got back together in October.
I recently (at Christmas) told him "I love you" I am a virgin waiting for marriage but I am very attracted to my boyfriend
we've laid in bed together once for a few minutes (on my single bed) that turned into him going through the motions of sex while we were both fully-clothed (he was on top of me) I stopped it before it got hot and heavy. Yesterday we were talking about marriage casually and my roommate asked if we were getting married, he said hopefully one day. I wasn't surprised by this. We've casually talked about kids too, I know he's the one but how do I get him to slow down? He left, then called me later and said he was looking at diamond rings how do I get him to slow down without turning him away because I know I want to be with him but I'm somewhat worried that he's doing all this because he wants sex and knows we won't have it till we're married

How old am I?

I'm 25, he's 31

...but this is my first relationship... yeah, I heard all the late-bloomer stuff... heh.

he has two kids already by two different woman, I don't want to be the third baby's mama and I don't want that for him either.

I did it because I love him and I didn't think he'd go far. I know I was wrong.
I'm not waiting for marriage for religious reasons.

He brought it up first... and brings it up every time.

Answer 1

He is guy, he is 31 and he want to have sex with someone he loves. I just cannot see how you can fault the guy for that. He is not like you. He is a guy. Guys do not understand waiting for marriage to have sex. He has already had sex. Lots of sex. You making him wait for sex inexplicable reason makes no sense to us. So you wait until you are married. You have sex. It will not be this romantic fantasy you think it will be. It is not going to be good for you or him. Not only will it be the first time yo and your soul mate are intimate, it will be your first time and you will have just been married. Your head will be so screwed up and this is not going to be fun for anyone.

Get it out of the way now. End this senseless notion that there is something special about keeping your knees closed until your are married. Consummate your love with a tender romantic moment that is not bound by some requirement you are imposing in this fella.

Nothing personal, but why are you so special that sex is with you worth waiting until he is trapped by a legal contract? Assuming you are in a community property state, you are so special that he must be willing to give you half of everything he owns just to have sex with you. Wow! I do have to admit that I wish I had those cojones,

Answer 2

Well, you said you loved him, you talked about marriage and kids, you let him get on top of you. You stopped before it got hot and heavy, what a bunch of crap! Why did you do it in the first place knowing YOU were not going all the way? Why didn't you respect him as a man and future husband by not putting him that position. Now you come off as the moral virgin? I would prefer an honest person over a virgin any day! Sorry you were wrong.

Answer 3

Why do you know he's "The One"? Because he's "the one right now"?

How old are you??? Don't even THINK about marriage until your late 20's, preferably 30s. Also, I think the "no sex before marriage" rule is stupid if it's going to be an accelerator for you getting married. Sounds like this guy just wants in your pants. Tell him you definitely will not get married for at least 5 years and definitely will not have sex until that time. Then see how fast he runs.

Answer 4

Youre exactly right. He going thru all the good boy moves to obtain one thing,which is typical of men. Just stand your ground and if hes really serious about what he says,he will wait til your ready or else youll truly regret your actions. If he cant wait and honor your wishes then hes not marital material. Id also date him awhile longer before making any kind of long term committment to see exactly what his intentions are. Just play a little harder to get and that should either slow him down a bit or youre going to discover the real him, which is better now than after possibly marrying him. Good luck

Answer 5

Boy, there are a few warning signs there. It sounds as if he's saying things to influence you, to gain your trust and eventually break down your resolve to wait until you are married to have sex. Be careful about being manipulated. When you love someone it's very hard to think with your head and while I'm not suggesting you be too critical, go with what your HEAD thinks and not just what your heart wants. Someone who truly loves you will respect you enough to not push you into a commitment just for sex. I think this 'man' needs to grow up a bit. Two kids with two other women and he's only 31. Sorry, that's just troubling.

Answer 6

You open your mouth and talk to him. YOu tell him things have to slow down and that you are not willing to compromise your virtues for anyone. If he does not respect that, and quite frankly laying on you and getting off is not respecting it, he doesn't share the same values and respect for you. Dating is about finding someone with similar values, morals and life goals who you are compatible with and who you care for and cares for you to spend your life together. If the person you are dating is not that one, you move on. That is why it is dating and not marriage and why you should not be going as far as you are going now.

It is okay to respect yourself enough to wait and to be vocal about it. No man that truly loves you and is right for you will knock you for sticking with your morals and saying no. He will respect you more for speaking up. Men can masturbate at home alone. It is a bull line that men feed women that they cannot live without sex. They can and do. Especially if they love someone. Now is the time to really see what your guy is made of. If he keeps on pawing you, that is GOD telling you that the answer is NO. NO, he isn't the right man for you. We pray to God but when he gives us the answer we don't want, we moan that he didn't answer our prayers. When, in fact he did and he said NO. Sometimes what you want and what you need are two different things. You may want to be with this man, but God may have another man waiting for you. Listen carefully for the right answer.

Answer 7

For most people, five months isn't nearly enough to know whether you want to marry a person.
The fact that he is rushing you, both towards bed and towards marriage, is a big red flag that you should pay attention to. At worst, those are signs of a potential abuser. At BEST, he isn't concerned with your wishes and doesn't respect your feelings.

I am afraid that I'd advise you to take another break. At least, you will have to firmly announce that you feel rushed and want to slow down.

See the link below. Best of luck.

Answer 8

5 mths. is not along time to marry someone but you are pushing it by talking about marriage an sex! Just stop talking about it an then he might slow down! Getting you a ring is a big move an marriage is huge so if your not ready just tell him you want to slow down alittle!

Answer 9

You can have the ring, but a long engagement. That way no one gets their feelings hurt and you still have time to know eachother. YOU give him the date of a year and maybe six months from now. That way you would have been dating two years.... in the mean time, you get to know eachother and find out if this is the one.

Answer 10

A man won't make a committment like marriage to a women (in most cases) just because of sex.

He's waited this long..

People are sexual anyway... so if he wants to have sex with you, it means he feels you're attractive. There is nothing wrong with sexuality

Waiting until you are married is perfectly fine, too.