My husband sometimes sneaks smoking behind my back. He knows I don't want him to smoke, and he said he quit

Question

but as I've said, he "sneaks" them now and then because I've caught him...He said it "calms his nerves from work". How it does that, I don't know, but I am not a smoker. But there are healthier ways to calm your nerves, so to speak. I do not approve of smoking, it disgusts me, but mostly it truly is me being concerned about what it is doing to his health. Then he comes home and has the nerve to take vitamins!!! I had to chuckle at that one....you're smoking, but then you are taking vitamins! May as well throw those vitamins down the drain...But my question was really this....despite the fact that he is sneaking smoking, he is a very good man in every other way, more than anyone could ever ask for....I know this for a fact. I just wanted to know people's opinions on whether is should kind of "overlook" this flaw and hope he really quits for his own sake, given that he is a very good person otherwise. Or should I refuse to give in, and risk losing a good person over one thing?

P.S.
I'm not a nag, and not trying to control him, just concerned about his future. Also, he does want to quit, but likes to have a few here and there to calm his nerves, or just to enjoy (yuck!). But we both know that is not realistic, as it leads to full addiction....Thank you everyone for your answers!

We are both 36 years old, been together for 7 years, and I have caught him several times over the whole 7 years! This is not something new....in the beginning, he said he quit altogether, then when I would catch him again, he said he only has one once in awhile, but I suspect he never actually quit at all. Also, we agreed in the beginning of the relationship that he would quit...

Answer 1

And I quote, "Then he comes home and has the nerve to take vitamins!!!" Wow, you need to stop trying to control him just because YOU don't smoke.

Answer 2

I am a smoker an I take vitamins too there is nothing wrong with your husband taking vitamins! Vitamin C is the best so buy him some! I wish I could quit smoking too but it's hard an you being a non-smoker you have no clue so instead of you jumping on him why don't you help him like buy him some chewing gum or something else for his nerves! You fussing at him for it isn't make him stop it's just gonna make him do it elsewhere! Try to do more to support him an you jumping him makes his nerves worse! He isn't gonna die from just one or two cigarettes so let this man have his smoke!He will eventually stop! I have a friend who smokes 1 or 2 cigarettes a month an they are fine! Don't add to his stress it's only gonna cause him to smoke more! Good Luck

Answer 3

Natural Quit Smoking Magic

Answer 4

WOW do you suck as a Wife !

I’ve never said that before,, but you believe you are his mother or “boss” or something. Then you delude yourself that it’s only your concern for his “health’??

You say how absolutely wonderful he is as a Husband then show all this ATTITUDE because he has 1 or 2 smokes at the end of his day to calm himself down after work???

“should kind of "overlook" this flaw and hope he really quits for his own sake, given that he is a very good person otherwise. Or should I refuse to give in, and risk losing a good person over one thing?”

Ha,ha,ha He “overlooks” your flaws,, Nag,, superiority complex, suspicious behavior, attitude and you wonder if you should refuse to give in???

Well suppose you could refuse to give in and give your Husband more reasons to find a woman who REALLY DOES APPRECIATE HIS GOOD QUALITIES, and overlook his having 1 or 2 smokes at the end of the day !!!! There’s Thousands if not Millions of Women looking for a wonderful Man like you have and can’t appreciate !!!

Keep thinking the world revolves around you and you will find yourself in a crowd of 1 !!

How old are you anyway ???? Go back and re-read what you wrote. If you still can’t understand what you’re saying find an adult to explain it to you!!

Answer 5

Ok first let me clarify one thing for you. Its actually good that a smoker takes vitamins. Smoking actually depletes your vitamin C, which you need for your immune system, so hes at least thinking right about that, so dont laugh at him. Now secondly I am an ex smoker, when I was trying to quit the one thing that made it harder was having my parents co workers and friends get all over me about it. He has to quit because he wants too, not because you want him too, and I promise you the more you push the harder it will be for him. The best thing to do is tell him not to hide it from you, then encourage him to quit. Dont harp or push but remind him that you want him around a long time for your kids if you have any. When he is truly ready to stop he will. But he has to want too. If its any help to you, Im now a non smoker of 5 years and I quit using hypnosis. Good luck and remember, dont add pressure it will make him want to light up more.

Answer 6

I think he lied because he is scared about disappointing you, or that you will get mad at him. I have found that you can not stop someone from doing something, now matter how hard you try. It is his life and he will do what he does, regardless of what you say. I know you are worried about his well being, but it is just something he has to make his mind up to do. When he figures out this is what he wants then he will quit easily. Till then if I were you I would just support and help him, do not tell him what to do, just try to keep his mind off of the smoking.

Answer 7

I have the same thing going on...except my husband and I quite together two years ago...I can have the occasional cig to relax/enjoy being bad..but he has one and can't stop...I recently found him coming home from work smelling like smoke...at first I was worried and mad too but then I think he would hide it from me if I made to big of a deal about it...it is more important to keep things honest....If your husband can have one a week or so, then he won't be the addicted type....love him either way but try to mention that he do something else(chew gum, go to the gym) instead

Answer 8

It's nice to hear that your concerned about his health, and that you don't want him to smoke. It's quite understandable. However, if he wants to smoke, then you won't stop him. If he's as good of a guy as you say he is, then I would just try to overlook it. Maybe suggest some of the ways he can stop, but don't try to force him or constantly ask him to stop because he will anyway, and your telling him off for it will only wind him up.
Hope you work it out between yourselves. But if he doesn't feel like he needs to "sneak" a smoke, then maybe it will be easier to compromise and understand each other.
Good luck

Answer 9

Personally, i feel that if a person tries to control what their spouse does, they look upon him or her as another child, not a consenting adult.

Live and let live.... if your husband smokes, it's his health. You can't control other adults. Let it alone. Yes, it's not healthy, yes, it's an addiction, but i don't think it's causing family ruin. If he were a crack addict or drunk, i'd feel differently.

Being concerned isn't a sin... but putting him down and nagging him about smoking isn't going to help him stop -- in fact, it might stress him to the point of smoking even more.

Answer 10

I think you should bring up the fact that you don't like it, but at the same time I do believe that smoking does calm nerves. I don't think you should leave him over it. I am sure there are things you might do that he might not like. But as long as you love each other I don't think a thing like smoking should get in the way of that. You never no he might quit.

Answer 11

My grandfather would sneak smokes. He and my grandmother were still in love with one another until they passed--he 6 months after her. He never smoked around their children, or grandchildren. They were married for over 55 years.

Taking vitamins is great for most people--the average diet is depleted of most of what we ought to be eating if we each grew our own food. We live in a modern society, and make adjustments. Whether the vitamins counteract the affects of smoking are negligent--is he happy? Are you? Happy people live longer, even those who drink or smoke too much (teetotlers actually have more heart problems than other drinkers)

I've quit smoking since getting married, my husband is still working on it. I love him for him--including his shortcomings (and he loves me regardless of mine). We know we have to be healthy and happy, as well as stable, in order to be strong enough to support a family. Neither of us are going away any time soon, and we are both very aware that we love and need one another and have made a bond to be together for the rest of our lives--that is something that makes us want to be better people, for ourselves, as well as for one another.