Is my marriage falling apart?

Question

my husband and I have been married for almost five years and we have 2 beautiful children. things between us started changing almost after my second baby was born. he barely talks to me and if he does it's only to tell me how sick he is or how unforutnate he is in his work although he has a great job. I don't even get the occasioanl joke anymore. I have talked with him over and over but he just smiles and drops the whole subject as if i didn't say a word. I feel hurt and above all I feel I would like to criticise him all the time. Is his behavior the cause of this. What can I do?

Please note that when we talk over the phone it's as everything is the way it used to be. But as soon as he walks in the door things totally change.

Answer 1

Poster’s have given you several good answers and a couple of clueless one’s.

Get him to open up enough to agree to see a doctor.
1.rule out any physical problems
2. rule out any mental emotional issues (depression –etc)
3. Keep working on Communication that works, (phone works-use it)
4. Set aside time for “dates” just you and him
5. Never assume he has a great job, Guys are part masters of hiding
a rotten job, but continue to plod along “for the family and kids”
6. Get Counseling !!
7. KEEP COMMUNICATING !!
8. Give him time for himself to do something productive, like
exercising or running ANYTHING physical to vent his frustrations.
9. When you communicate with him NEVER ACCUSE, BLAME, or any
of the “YOU” statements. Only state things as “I feel bad when
(insert behavior/action, etc) happens and I don’t feel like I can do
anything about it”.
10. Improve yourself! If you’ve gained weight (happens after kids,
sometimes) work on losing weight, maybe start running with him.
Make it a joint effort on both your parts, Your both improving
yourselves!!!
11. DO NOT NAG, or WHINE!!
12. Make time for each other even if it’s just 15 minutes a day,
without having kids distracting either of you!!

Being Married, having kids and playing house doesn’t just happen, it takes a lifetime of work both the Husband and Wife have to work at it!

Answer 2

Remember this. An 25 year old Glass has a value worth Millions but once its broken .... its not even worth a penny.

try talking to him after dinner someday, Maybe he is concerned about you and the kids.. about the future and is having a hard time at work. because now he is a dad of two... thats twice the responsibility.

maybe he, like every human, is just wearing a smile for the world and expects you to break the ice and ask him whats really troubling him.

and please dont ever lose your temper. keep your cool.
the essence of a great marriage is that when one has lost his temper the other is there for backup.

dont give up so easily. make him comfortable wait for the right moment and feel the right vibes, if you dont get the occasional joke... crack one... keep the harmony and peace maintained back at home for him to open up. and when someday he feels low, give him a warm hug and ask him... the reason.

Please keep the faith.

Trust Me.

Cheers

Answer 3

Perhaps your husband is experiencing job burn-out, which happens to alot of people. He may feel that with two young kids that he can't slack off. I would suggest that you and the husband get a trusted babysitter for the weekend, go to a dinner, check into a nice hotel and just enjoy each other, scream and holler like you used to do before the kids came along. If he doesn't like the job, ask him what he would really prefer to be doing. Plus he now has to "share" you with the kids, and he may be feeling left out. Make up in your mind that you will spend more time with him.

Answer 4

You know the thing you said about he job "how sick he is or how unforutnate he is in his work although he has a great job"
I think there's a big prob going on at his work. And I don't think you should force him to keep the job, maybe ask him about the job more and just be supportive.

Answer 5

You both forgot how you both fell in love with each other. I think it is normal to change through out the marriage. He sounds like he could be depressed some and cannot get the strength to tell his little jokes like he did before. Try to comfort him and ask him what you can do to help him out of his depression. Do those special things you once did for him and call him by his little love knick names. He should be doing the same. Tell him how special he is. Write him a love letter. Both of you should be doing special things for one another. Find ways to make this marriage a happy one instead of finding the negative.

Answer 6

Just keep loving him. Is it possible he is depressed? Maybe you could cheer him up a bit? Do something special for him--maybe prepare his favorite meal, put the kids to bed and then give him a back massage? Try and be playful. Try to do something that he enjoys--maybe play basketball or whatever with him. Call him at work just to tell him you love and miss him. I hope it all works out!

Answer 7

Give it one more serious shot. Express your concern to him. If he isn't co-operative at all, then you can then walk away knowing you gave it your best but make sure he knows how serious you are. You can be miserable all by yourself, you don't need anyone else to make you feel this way. You can only control yourself and not the rest of the world.

Answer 8

He has lost himself - got more then he bargained for and has emotionally checked out of the relationship but stays because maybe he feels he has to. What can you do if he won't talk - give him walking papers.

Answer 9

it is probably stress for work i went throw something like that with my hubbie and he actually changed job and we get along alot better, just be supportave and give him some time to unwind after work

Answer 10

Wow, your marriage is in trouble. I suggest you get counseling. If he won't go, go alone. If you can't afford it, see a minister or someone like that.