I am a 31 year old male with a beautiful wife, a 3 year old, and one on the way. My wife is done after this one an wants me to get fixed. I wouldn't force her to have a third but I wouldn't be sad to have 3 either. I dont know that I am comfortable getting fixed. I said that if anything ever happened to us or her, there could always be the chance that I would want another one. Am I really being the incensitive, conceided *** she says I am by saying that? Isn't 31 young to be doing something permenant to my body if it's not something I want? Any marital advice is welcomed here.
2007-12-28 15:41:37 · 32 answers · asked by dpcrogan 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It is no big deal getting a vas. It really makes it a lot easier for both of you. It can be reversed. I know a couple folks who had it reversed. My brother in law had it reversed and had three more kids. Sure, there are no absolutes, but getting a vas is not bad and since it can be successfully reversed, you have options.
So, if it is something your want to do, do it. It is OK to do something for your wife. It really is.
2007-12-28 15:50:12 · answer #1 · answered by pchandyman 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
First you probably made the situation worse by telling her that you may want another if something happen to your marriage or to her. From a women's point of view I won't want that to be part of my husband defense for not getting a vasectomy.
I should say that my husband and I have struggled in this same decision but its not like yours so much its the fact that I have had two c-sections and 2 other surgery's on top of the c-sections that were cause from the c-sections.
I do believe that you shouldn't get clipped if you don't want to!
That is your body and she should respect that!
Just as if it was the opposite and she was asked to get tied.
Your not and insensitive or conceded as$ as she said but I am sure she is just upset with the way the conversation went with you saying what you said.
Remember she is pregnant and her hormones are not balanced right now so give her some room with this and don't tell her she is hormonal either that is not going to help this out.
Tell her you will discus it further after your second child is born. If she doesn't want to wait to settle this till than you just need to say no your not ready to do it and that is the end of that, if she doesn't understand tell her that it would not be right for you to tell her to get tied so she should not ask you to be clipped!
2007-12-28 15:59:54 · answer #2 · answered by CrazyH 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There's a lot of good advice here, but I would recommend not getting the vasectomy. I had one after we found out my youngest child was on the way (my 4th). I was 40 and thought I would never want to father another child. That was 6 years ago, and every so often my wife gets depressed that we can't have any more kids. The strange thing is, I wish we could have another one too!
Also, the reversal process is ot that easy, is not that effective and is very expensive. When we checked into it, the cost was about $13000.00 to have the reversal done, with low chance of success. And reversals are not covered by most medical insurance.
2007-12-28 17:51:00 · answer #3 · answered by rlb1961 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am usually a big fan of making decisions as a couple, but with something so permanent like a vasectomy, you need to make the final decision on your own. You wife is the one who has to carry more children. But if she doesnt want anymore children and you may, she should get fixed or use an IUD. There are lots of birth control options out there. You guys should talk about them, let her know that you are not comfortable with a permanent surgery. If she is threatening a divorce, then why would you get a vasectomy.
2007-12-28 15:58:14 · answer #4 · answered by Amber B 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Somehow you think not being able to have another child is threatening your manhood. Men like you all have one thing in common; they fork out a lot in child support. That is exactly what you will be doing if you don't get the vasectomy. You will end up divorced from her, and you will get someone else pregnant. She will move on and find a man that cares about her.
A vasectomy is quick, and almost painless. Only a fool would not consider one. A vasectomy will only take 2-5 days for recovery. If she gets her tubes tied it will take up to 6 weeks for recovery. Don't be so selfish. If I was your wife, I would divorce you as well.
The only other advice I can give you is tell you not to listen to anyone that has not had one.
2007-12-28 22:24:04 · answer #5 · answered by Marvin 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You know the right answer already. You don't want a vasectomy. Any age is too young to be altering your body unnecessarily. And you are very right about saying she might change her mind or that something might happen. I've known couples who tragically lose a child to SIDS, or later to cancer, or a car wreck. It's sad and although having another child could never replace the one you lost, it can fill an empty void.
My advice, don't do it. Don't fight with her about it. Just say no and if she nags you, turn a deaf ear! If she'd really divorce you over this, what does that say about her? (forcing you to do something you don't want to do!) I think it's a THREAT like you said. If she really doesn't want another child, let her take whatever actions she deems necessary.
2007-12-29 02:03:54 · answer #6 · answered by SpiceyLady 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
With all the birth control options on the market I don't blame you and yes 31 is too young. Your wife is pregnant now and probably uncomfortable and you can bet its your fault. After the baby is born then you sit down and talk about it then you go to her doctor and talk to him or her about it and make a decision based on what is right for you. If your wife is demanding a Vasectomy then that's nothing but wrong and she can't and shouldn't make any decisions for you that is for you to decide it would be like you demanding she get fixed don't think she's going to do it...is she? No and you can't make that decision for her so basically its a two way street.
2007-12-28 16:12:09 · answer #7 · answered by miester44 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The answer is simple. DO NOT HAVE A VASECTOMY! Tell your wife to have her tubes tied. If the two of you ever want more children she can have the procedure reversed. Remind her also that it does take two to make a baby! Use protection, birth control pills, condoms or whatever works for the two of you. She has no right to threaten you with divorce and you really need to stop justifying yourself with such selfish talk about if anything ever happened to her, blah, blah, blah! This is a relationship with children involved. Don't be defensive...sit down and talk it through and come up with the best solution that hurts no one! Good luck!
2007-12-28 16:07:23 · answer #8 · answered by Chris B 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Screw her, if she is the one who doesn't want more kids, tell her to get HER tubes tied!
I just had my tubes tied because I never want kids. I chose to do it instead of having my husband getting a vasectomy for a few reasons. 1. God forbid we get divorced, I'll be left fertile, and since I'm the one who doesn't want them,... well... I'm cutting out the middle man so to speak. I think that if a person doesn't want kids they should do whatever THEY have to to make it so.
And 2, while my husband is ok with MY decision to not have kids, things can happen. Again, God forbid we get divorced or I die, he may want to have kids with someone else. I'd never begrude him that, ever. I love him.
Why won't she get it done? Don't tell it it's that lame excuse about it being a harder surgery fo a woman? Pfft. I was up, around and fine in 2 days. Plus, they have a way to do it now that doesn't even involve surgery! They go up through the vagina and uterus, and you are fine the same day!
Seriously, she's being unreasonable.
I'm 25 by the way.
2007-12-28 15:59:24 · answer #9 · answered by Dolyn 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your best bet is to get the little snip. She is telling you that she doesn't want any more children very clearly. If you don't have the surgery, and down the road, she gets pregnant, she will not forgive you. Your thoughts for a third chils are somewhat selfish.
If something was to happen in the future, and you were no longer together for whatever reason, you can have a reversal surgery, and be back in business that quick.
Listen to your wife. She is the one who takes the most risks in being pregnant as well as having childbirth.
Are you aware that childbirth is the closest that a woman will ever come to dying?
2007-12-28 16:00:50 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Only 31 and have two children. What if she decides differently in about 5 years that she wants one more?
On the other hand, to me two kids were perfect! and ya know what, after birthing two children, there is no way in *** that I would even consider having a third child.
It was rather insensative for you to say "what if something ever happened to us or her".... Sheesh, she is pregnant, you should know from your first child that she is more sensative at the moment! Talk about the wrong time to say something like that! Second of all... "what if something happened to us"... what the heck?... do you not have confidence in your own marriage?!?! You just do not say crap like that to your wife... I swear, men just do not think with the proper head and say about the dumbest things.
If she is really done with having children, she can ask for her tubes to be tied when the baby is born.. this way two things are done at the same time and no extra hospital stay for her....
I do have to say, you were insensative to say those things to her... her threat could be just coming from the pregnancy talk.. women do that.
2007-12-28 16:06:51 · answer #11 · answered by LyndasCa 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋