i am married and i got married 4 months ago...he dosnt say i love u and he hardly kisses me and when he wants sex he practically jumps on me and when i want to he says he dosnt want to...he also calls me names..he calls me from hoe to **** to even b**ch...he says he is just joking around when he says it and i have told him more then a thousand times to stop....i told him when u "joke" its funny the first few times but after that its not funny anymore and it hurts...i love him and i can't leave him cuz divorce is something i am strongly against...he was never like this when we were dating...today i was dancing to some music in the privacy of our bedroom and i was goofing off and he told me to stop and that i cant dance he also tells me i can't sing when i sing to fav. song....will u guys give me some advice please....idk what to do...im done crying...i am at the point where i am ready to sleep on the couch (because its his bed and he dosnt have to do anything he dosnt want to do)
2007-12-28 14:58:43 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i can't divorce i put my life into this i can't do it...please tell me not get a divorce
2007-12-28 15:03:53 · update #1
ok, get ready because this may Ouch a little.
Are you Respectful to him at all times?
That right there may be the problem, reason I say this is because Husbands whose Wives treat them with Respect will not act Unloving to there Wives. Not really possible. Be honest with yourself.
Treat him with 100% Respect at all times, and he should make a 95 degree turn around. Your Respecting him is what will do it. (Its the secret key all us wives have, most are just too uneducated to know it).
Try these websites for more on what I'm trying to tell you.
http://www.loveandrespect.org
http://www.marriagetoday.org
http://www.marriagerestorationministries.orgGod bless you, help you.
Sounds like you are both young yet, a good marriage takes time, alot of work on both parties, education on men, marriages.
2007-12-28 15:08:29 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The facts are your husband is being an a$s.
He has something that is going on in his life and for some reason he isn't telling you. I am a firm believer in no divorce but I also know that a marriage can only work if two people want it to work. Have you actually sat down and talked about this with him? I mean truly talk! Did you notice this change right away after you got married or was this just a recent thing that has started?
You are still in your getting to know each other stage of marriage and will be in that for at least the first 4 years after that you go through a whole new getting to know each other stage that can make or break your marriage. Yes hes an As$ but why is he being an as$ men don't just start being jerks without reason. Have you changed since you have been married? Really think about it you turn from his girlfriend who didn't have a say in his life for the most part to his wife that whats to know everything sometimes that transition takes time to adjust. You either accept each other for who you are and who your going to be or you get that Big Letter D that most don't want to do but its up to both of you. So Talk to him tell him how you feel and don't come off as a whinny wife or a controlling wife just tell him straight out!
Good luck with your marriage!
2007-12-28 23:17:04 · answer #2 · answered by CrazyH 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he did what he had to do to get you to marry him. Now that you have he is behaving as he pleases. You have tried talking to him and he does not want to hear it. Your only other options since you say that you will not divorce it to put up with it. I understand that you are strongly against divorce but you should strongly be against being treated badly, down graded, made fun of and called names. Besides all of this you cannot even sing or dance in your own house without being ridiculed. I would suggest you revisit your views on divorce or get ready for a long and miserable marriage.
2007-12-28 23:38:27 · answer #3 · answered by kim h 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you don't believe in divorce, are you going to sleep on the couch for the rest of your life? You need to seek a good marriage counselor. When you say you love him, what exactly do you love about him because I don't see to much to love here. You have a great big problem and I find it hard to believe that he treated you with great respect and love before you married him. You say you love him but I can tell you that if you have only been married four months and are tired of this already how do you think you are going to feel in four years? Get counseling and if you don't get counseling then you really do need to get a divorce.
2007-12-28 23:10:20 · answer #4 · answered by sunny 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, it sounds to me like you do not have much of a marriage. Some people (men and women) change into what they really are after they get married. If you don't believe in divorce, try an annulment. It means you were never married. Then try again.
2007-12-28 23:09:46 · answer #5 · answered by blueeyes_unever_4get 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Darling this isn't a health marriage, I wish I had great words of encouragement but all I have to go on is my own marriage and close family friends and none have gone through what your describing. I call it abuse... verbal abuse hurts as much as physical abuse. And you are being abused... husbands are suppose to treat their wives like Jesus treated the church... that is what he said in his vows, so what happened, he under stress? Dose he regret the marriage? Something isn't right and sleeping on the couch isn't going to help- don't be a door mat, tell him you love him but you will not spend the rest of your married life being treated like crap, your not a bit-- or hoe and if he says it again, your walking....!!! He will treat you like crap as long as you let him. Stand up for your self!!! Marriage is giving 100% each it seems like your giving and he is taking!!! I'm sorry to take such a hard stand but I've seen to many people allow this to start small and it ends up with them in the hospital or in jail when they kill the abuser.
Good Luck and if you have a pastor to talk to... TALK!!!!!
2007-12-28 23:11:35 · answer #6 · answered by Vapsjp 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you may put you life into this
but he has not
what part of dysfunctional do you not understand?
what do you think that by loving him more he will change?
he won't
and BTW there were signs of this when he was dating you
there ALWAYS is
you are Pollyanna eyed to ever noticed
so you have 2 choices
live with your mistake for the REST of your LIFE
or divorce him and learn NEVER to settle for such low excuse of a man EVER
he does not respect you
and since he will not stop
he will NEVER respect you
you lack a backbone
justifying staying because you put everything into this is WEAK
that a sure sign that you have no clue about self respect and love.. and that unless it's present on the other side you do not marry
2007-12-28 23:11:30 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have you tried marriage counseling? Has he told you that he loves you before you got married? Has he kissed you before you got married? How long did you know him before you got married? You only have been married for 4 months and you should feel like you are on cloud 9. You both need some counseling and if he doesn't want to go, you still should go.
2007-12-28 23:09:10 · answer #8 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'd say marriage counselling....seems to be Ur best option. What he says does hurt, I've been married for only 3 months and haven't had to go through any of this but I did in a previous relationship (not married) and wouldn't stand for it so I left....but u don't want to so I suggest u go to counselling and see what it does.
2007-12-29 11:02:08 · answer #9 · answered by Chloe.L 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sound like your marriage is over without the divorce paper. time to get a divorce at this point
2007-12-28 23:01:48 · answer #10 · answered by LivingMyLife 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋