What does your marriage mean to you?

Question

I asked this question the other day, and only got a few real responses, I'm going to ask again, hoping more people read it and give their story.

What does your marriage mean to you?

Be honest with yourself, what does it mean to you? Why did you get married? I ask you this because i have found myself having to face that question recently. And as simple as it may seem, you would be amazed how far you will have to go to prove it, if you see it too late.

While we are being honest here, I have treated my wife poorly for 3 years. I ignored her, and I took her for granted. Many people, my therapist included, blame the fact that I suffer from PTSD for the fact that I push my loved ones away. While I know that this accounts for some of my actions, not all of them can be counted towards my PTSD, I still hurt my wife, it was me, and not some mental disorder, that caused the pain. I'll not go into details, but trust me, I took my wife for granted and while I would never lay a hand on my wife, it was still an abusive relationship. The only difference is the kind of abuse, ignoring the woman you love and asking so much of her with giving nothing in return can sometimes be just as hurtful as a physically abusive relationship.

At the beginning of the summer, my wife was stationed overseas on a 1 year unaccompanied tour. This means that my son and I were not allowed to go with her to this station. After she left, a lot of issues came out that she never brought out when she was here. Angry words were exchanged, and we had our share of bad arguments. I was unaware of it at the time, but after this big argument, she cheated on me with a guy she knew there. I would never excuse such action, but I can honestly say, I never gave her much of a reason not to. It hurts now that I know this. Now, Christmas has just passed. My wife came home for Christmas, but more to see our son and her family then to see me. She and I have spoken and act civil, but there are still problems. I have worked out much of my issues and am working on dealing with all of them, but there is a long way yet for me to go. My wife stays across town at her parents' house, she has stayed with me here 1 night, and my son usually sleeps there with her. She stayed here the night of Christmas Eve, and I was happy for that, but it wasn't the same. We talked that night, and that is when I confronted her and asked her and she admitted to having slept with another man, and it kills me to think of that. In the space of 3 and a half years, I took a loving marriage that had all the potential in the world and destroyed it. I will admit, there was wrong on both sides, and what she did was not right, and it kills me to think she will be going back for the last 5 months of her tour and she will be there with him. We agreed that we would work this out, and most of that will come when she gets back and we go to her next station, but I don't know how much she feels that is true, or how much she cares to work it out. She promised that so long as I don't screw up between now and June when she returns, we will both move to her next station and work things out from that point on. My marriage could be over, and when it comes down to it, I have no one to blame but myself.

I am asking this question, not to get advice, but to give it. How much does your marriage mean to you? Guys, stop, get over your selfs and look past your stupid pride, and take a real honest look at your marriage. Do you tell your wife you love her every day? Do you tell her she means the world to you? Do you call her for no reason, just to say “I Love You”? Do you remind her every day why she married you? And tell her that you are lucky to have her? Ask yourself what your marriage means to you and what you would do to keep it. If you are honest with yourself, you know if you treat your wife how she deserves to be treated, and you know what is coming if you don't. Don't let yourself get in the way of your marriage. Stop, take the time to tell her what she means to you, your marriage may well depend on it, because you never know when it all about to fall apart. And when it falls apart, you'll be lucky to try to hold the pieces together.

Remind her why she married you, and tell her that you love her, she deserves to hear it, even if she knows.

Answer 1

Sounds like you are on the right path. Just trust your wife on this one. Trust is very important in a relationship. She was honest to you and she meant it when she said you guys will work things out. You have learned from your mistakes and now its time to put your good foot forward. You can't chance the past and don't blame yourself any longer. You know, you made some big mistakes and so did she.
You'll make it.
Good luck
Marriage is great as long as you work on your relationship and don't get to comfortable.

Answer 2

My marriage meant the whole world to me i would do anything for my husband who is in the navy but now i don't know what my marriage means, he cheated on me and broke my heart by trying to break our marriage because he was confuse and didn't know what he wanted out of life and do i have to say he is did this thrue email and while he is in a 6 month deployment. now just week after saying this and me finding out thrue someone else about the cheating he wants to work our mirrage out and make everything better so what does my marriage mean to me don't know or what love means. what does relationship mean??

Answer 3

I'm married because I couldn't Imagen my life without my husband. Because i love him so much I want to share my whole life and everything in it with him. he's a lot like you i guess, doesn't take a lot of time to appreciate me, but he's getting better. I leave little notes, cards and things in his truck to find in the AM. Those type of things make him happy but also remind him that he could be doing a better job at showing me he cares.

I heard a great thing once
"When two people loves each other, when do you get to that point when enough is enough?? Never!"

Hang in there, and best of luck to you

Answer 4

My husband, Gary, is a very loving man. He does the little things that you mentioned, such as telling me everyday how special I am, calling me at random times just to say he loves me, telling me how lucky he is to have me, etc. In reality, I'm the lucky one to have found him. We've known each other for almost ten years and are going on five years of marriage now. We just had a beautiful baby boy and we can't be happier.

I admire the courage you've shown in telling your story, especially in the face of such sorrow. I hope that you and your wife can work things out. Admitting your troubles here is a big step towards that goal.

Answer 5

Through the good times and bad... my husband has meant the world to me. Over the years I know people tend to take their spouses for-granted, and I know my husband and I do also, but then we do try to think about things, and see what we do for each other... We do tell each other we love each other every day... (even on the bad days) My husband is actually better at that than I. We also leave each other little notes once in a while... just to say good morning, or how was your day ... if we know we will not see each other right away. thats always nice to wake up to..

good luck with everything.

Answer 6

My man is my rock. He is my lover and my best friend. I let very few people into my heart and even fewer gain my trust. My husband has both.
My marriage is extremely important to me and even more so because of my children.
I have been thru and survived a bad marriage so I know how good I have it now.

Answer 7

If only me ex-husband could have read this 5 years ago. Unfortunately we are no longer together, and it took me 3 years to get over all he put me and our kids thru to finally move on. My current husband and I are perfect for each other. It seems that we have both been thru so much and just wanted to be happy. And finally we have a marriage so few are lucky to have these days. I pray that you are able to work things out.

Answer 8

Your story is very sad an I feel kinda like your wife! I cook,clean,do all the wifely duties I can an I feel like a piece of trash to my husband an his kids! I hope that everything works out for you an yours! And sometime's I feel like walking away from it all but my love is strong an I love my life so hopefully she feels the same for you! You are at least smart enough to realize it now before it was to late! So I pray all works out for you an your wife! Just keep up the attitude you have now an remember there is always someone out there who will take your wife! There is always the change of losing your family!! Good Luck

Answer 9

I want you to know you aren't the only one out there. My ex-husband called me almost 8 months after I left him to tell me everything you just said above. It was too late, I had found someone who tells me everyday how much he loves me, that I am important to him, treats me as an equal, respects me, and shares life with me.
It was sad that it took 8 years to realize our (my ex and I) mistakes from early in the marriage, but I hope both of us come into our next relationship with the knowledge you have shared above.
It was a harsh, expensive (emotionally) lesson.

Answer 10

i would just like to say that your question made me cry. my husband is also in your shoes. almost exactly, except for the fact that i have assured him it is over. while you were not physically abusive, he was at times. i truly gave him my heart. we met in iraq and i thought there would never be anyone else. we married, had a son, and he just returned from his second deployment. a few months ago he stopped talking to me and then proceeded to tell me that he fell out of love with me. so i moved on. not on purpose (so to speak. obviously i was aware of the decisions i was making). now he regrets everything. i still see him. i still take him to counseling while his car is in the shop. i do not keep our children from him, and i try to support him through this in any way i can. if only people realized how much their significant other really loves them maybe they could open their eyes and make an effort to not take them for granted. even though i am the one calling for the divorce, i love him imensely. i hate that he did these things to me. all i wanted was for him to love me. the sad thing is, my husband is not even learning anything from this