Alright, please don't judge me, I recently experienced the loss of my mother, and my gay friend (male) was the only person there for me (I'm female). We slept in the same bed last night (not something unusual for us), but before we realized it we were naked and we were making love. Although I initiated it, he had a very active part in it (he was on top for a lot of the time), and neither of us really seemed to think about what we were doing. However, I think that he only agreed to do it with me because he wanted to try to make me feel better. I'm sure he's still 100% gay. And although we both enjoyed it, we both had big regrets in the morning.
I feel bad, not only because I had sex with my [blatantly] gay friend, but because I used physical pleasure to push my grief from my mind.
I am worried (as is he) that our friendship will never be the same. Is it possible that our friendship won't change, that we can look at this experience as a simple bump in the road of our friendship?
2007-12-28 14:43:00 · 16 answers · asked by Jenna 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Jayden, we had vaginal intercourse.
2007-12-28 14:56:54 · update #1
Sorority, your comment was very rude.
2007-12-28 15:45:40 · update #2
I think you are lying.
Edit: how was it rude? I didnt curse or insult you, I simply stated my opinion....I think you are making it up...its rather obvious, but well, I guess people will believe anything nowadays...
2007-12-28 15:40:57 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
Grief is a very overwhelming thing, I can understand why you tried to get it out of your head. Onto your question. Yes it is possible that your friendship won't change, however it can just as easily go the other way. Heres some "to do 's" and "not to do 's"
Not to do:
Do not put it off or deny it like nothing happened, you can try to deny the truth but it won't make it go away.
Do not sleep in the same bed anytime soon. I would say, when you can joke about the incident, then you can sleep in the same bed together again.
To do:
Talk about it. Obviously its what both of you are thinking about, best to get it off your chest (the sooner the better I feel).
Explain your reasoning on why it happened. " People do some crazy things when a close relative dies. Some commit suicide to make the pain go away, others try to deny it thus prolonging the bad experience known as grief. thats what we did, we had sex to make the pain go away. It was just what I needed and I thank you for helping me through this."
Make sure he knows where you stand. Clearly state you want to stay friends.
2007-12-28 15:13:22 · answer #2 · answered by FickelFascination 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
when true friends love each other they try to give total unconditional love when most needed. Do not feel regret or shame with what happened, and try to get a positive outlook.
You felt lonely to the point that physical connection "to feel alive" was needed and that is not reproachable because you were in mourning. This experience should not alter the friendship if you both are mature and intelligent enough to look at it as for what it was...consolation within parameters of love. It would be wise for the two of you to talk and understand what happened and keep that friendship healthy and strong.
2007-12-28 15:00:52 · answer #3 · answered by AliBaba 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Whether he is gay or not having sex to fufill your emotional needs is a dangerous habit to get into because if you have to get intimate every time that you lose a loved one you will be having sexual pleasure for a good portion of your life with a lot of your friends. Remember your friend tried to help you and you got to give props to the guy. Seriously I don't know any gay guys who would even go near a vagina let alone ride you for more that half the time on top!!! My heart really goes out for you, but having sex with a friend maybe weird but it usually means something or at least the fact that you are buddies should make it easier for you to talk to each other. Your relationship will be fine as long as you don't let this slide between the cracks, no pun intended.
2007-12-28 14:54:10 · answer #4 · answered by David W 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Okay, what you did wasn't wrong. People HAVE to deal with grief in different ways. Excuse my language in the following, but i am being 100% serious. There are such things as '**** buddies' which means you are nothing but friends, but you enjoy sex every now and then. It won't change your intimacy level and you won't be anything more than friends. But the agreement and understanding must be on both sides of the relationship.
2007-12-28 15:50:03 · answer #5 · answered by Keira 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
We often get pleasure in giving others what they really need at that moment, and this can be the giving of sex as well as other types of comfort. So any aversion to sex with another human because of a perceived gender difference is often set aside when the need to give is greater than the need to receive, so to speak. At bottom, it's skin against skin - the difference is in the motivation.
2007-12-28 15:22:57 · answer #6 · answered by cosmo 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Making love while in a deep state of grief is not unusual. It releases all sorts of endorphins, and is also a great emotional release. You're fortunate to have a friend who, although gay, was ready to take you through a LOVING love making session to release some tension.
It shouldn't affect your relationship. I had a lesbian friend who admitted that from time to time she 'needs' a man's loving. We never got around to it, though.
You are very fortunate to have that friend.
2007-12-28 14:53:43 · answer #7 · answered by AmericanPatriot 6 · 5⤊ 0⤋
wow! i'm a gay woman, it was nothing but a spur of the moment thing to make each other feel better even i think it was maybe a curiosity thing on his part, put it in the past it's over and done with chick,just concentrate on more relevant things and dont let it happen again is my advice, good luck for the future and sorry about you'r loss but you'r only human and we all do crazy things sometimes... move on....
2007-12-28 14:51:10 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 0⤋
I think he was a really good friend to do it with you if he doesn't like girls
it could have been curiosity on his part or he didn't like seeing you under so much grief so he did it to help you out.
work it out.
tell him lets just ignore it and move on but don't do it again
2007-12-28 15:54:22 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'll be completely honest. i don't think that your friendship with him will be the same. sex is something that is very intimate. now whether your friendship will change for better or for worse, i can't tell you. i say talk to him about it, get everything out on the table, and try to get everything resolved. good luck.
2007-12-28 14:54:32 · answer #10 · answered by dracogemini16 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
A true friendship will survive anything, dont worry about it. As long as you both dont hide your feelings over the subject you will be fine.
2007-12-28 14:50:30 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋