I am 38 yrs. old and have been married to my high school sweetheart for almost 20 years. My husband is 39. We have a 17 year old daughter and a 8 year old son. The problem is my husband just doesn't seem to be interested in sex anymore. It's not that our sex life was boring or at least to me it wasn't. I was always up for anything. And I don't feel like I'm unattractive. He isn't any more tired or under any more stress than he has been in the past. I've tried to think of all the reasons he might not want to have sex with me and can't come up with any. If anyone has any suggestions or ideas please let me know. Thank you for your help.
2007-12-28 14:36:37 · 23 answers · asked by morgant2008 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I forgot to tell that I did ask him about it. I know this sounds weird but I sent him a e-mail explaining in a nice way exactly how I felt about the situation. I just feel that by writing things down, I can explain how I feel better. I know he got the e-mail and he hasn't responded to it, either verbally or by e-mail.
2007-12-28 14:49:17 · update #1
I talked to him last night about the problem. As I suspected he tried blaming it on being tired, I told him I knew that wasn't true, I've been married to him for 20 yrs. I know him pretty well. So he came up with some new reasons. He said he does think about sex but he has had some pain when ejaculating which makes him uninterested. Once I got started talking to him about everything, I just unloaded on him. I asked him if he just wasn't attracted to me anymore. He said that wasn't it. I asked him if he was bored with me. He said that wasn't it. I'm not sure I totally believe him about the painful ejaculation thing. I told him he needs to make a Dr.'s appt. first thing on Monday morning.
Also, this is to Khandi, thanks to all the suggestions on here, my brother-in-law no longer lives with us. I wrote him a nice but to the point letter and he decided to move in with one of his friends. He still comes to visit and we are all still friends. Thanks for asking.
2007-12-30 02:55:07 · update #2
send him to the dr it can be a medical issue
2007-12-28 14:41:51 · answer #1 · answered by wantajeannie 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He may have a medical problem that is causing this. Some people will always go right to the "he is cheating" but that isn't always the case. And if he hasn't said anything to you after sending the email, it may be because he is embarrassed to tell you that there is something going on with him. He may be depressed, he may have high blood pressure or diabetes and just hasn't been diagnosed with it. There are many medical reasons for a drop in a mans libido, or it may be E.D. Sit down and talk to him, suggest he goes to the doctor and offer to go with him. And tell him love him and will be there for him no matter what.
2007-12-28 14:54:51 · answer #2 · answered by cris 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, if you are writing him emails to discuss concerns involving your sex life, then you have TOO MUCH distance between you. You need to bridge this distance immediately.
GO AWAY with him ALONE. Get reacquainted and focus on why sex is so great in the first place. But first, TALK TO HIM. Guys have feelings, you need to be sensitive to this so don't email or approach it like your corresponding over your RSPs. Approach him in person. Create a safe environment where you can share some laughs and have a good chat but where he doesn't feel like he's getting the third degree.
And go away with him for a bit!! Have fun for pete's sake you're both so young!!
2007-12-28 15:22:38 · answer #3 · answered by hmmm... 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First, I would ask if you notice if he is still getting morning erections. If he is, then you know it is not a physical problem.
Second, has he recently started any new medications, such as antidepressants?
Third, testosterone levels do decrease with age and he should get his checked. Testosterone replacement therapy can really make a big difference if his is low.
And of course, you should talk to him about it in a non-threatening, not-accusational way. Tell him you miss the intimacy, that you miss him and ask him if something is bothering him. If he is having problems with erections, it may be difficult for him to talk about, so you bringing it up might be a good opening for him
Good luck.
2007-12-28 14:54:54 · answer #4 · answered by schweetums 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's getting the wrong stimulation at the house. Take him with you to Victoria's Secret, model a few things. Have a few of the clerks do the same, buy something. Then ask him what would really drive him insane, burn down the firehouse so to speak. It may get weird here, but you asked. Whatever it is, do it. Since the steam is out of his sails, it could be medical, but baring that he needs to get back in touch with his drives. A Viagra couldn't hurt, don't chip a tooth.
2007-12-28 14:49:37 · answer #5 · answered by Tacit Hue 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
does he have high blood pressure or recent weight gain? you may want to suggest him getting his testosterone level checked? or he may be going through the opposite of the high sex drive level. try doing something diff for some spice. see what happens. if nothing, make a dr's appointment. let them be the judge.
ahem: by the way, is bro-n-law still living with you? if so...could pose as a prob...
2007-12-28 14:42:40 · answer #6 · answered by Khandi 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The best way is to ask him upfront - not thru e-mails or letters. Asking him face to face, will leave him no choice but to answer you back. That way, you can also see his reaction. You are both young to become uninterested in sex. Check yourself- have you gotten fat or less beautiful/attractive for him? Talk to him.Tell him how you feel. Be ready to accept and understand what he would tell you.
2007-12-29 00:20:22 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Instead of asking people on here why aren't you talking to him? There could be a medical problem or he may be under more stress than you know about.
2007-12-28 14:43:30 · answer #8 · answered by stacie387 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been him It was not an affair with me it an old little known male syndrone ABS also know as Already Been Serviced.
Reinvent yourself become the new exciting woman he's wants again Look up some books by Laura Corn Invitation to sex I think great book
2007-12-28 14:46:46 · answer #9 · answered by Kurt E 2 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Has he gotten on something like Prozac? That and the emotional affair I had with my ex killed our sex life. Its been almost a year.
Welcome to the club.
2007-12-28 17:59:30 · answer #10 · answered by :-) literary cappy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why dont you ask him? Nothing like a good conversation to clear the air. Do you suspect he is having an affair? Is he impotent? Talk it out!!
2007-12-28 14:42:19 · answer #11 · answered by Skeets 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋