My stupid husband?

Question

Ok here is the story my husband has a job and it is commision, and his checks have been really bad! I have asked, begged, pleaded and yelled for him to get a new job. He always tells me he is or he has looked or he tells me what I want to hear. I have a job and I got asked to become a store manager and he says I should take it because I wont have time to spend with the kids, BUT we need money we have not made a morgage payment since october. I tell him he should get a second job more excuses. He is driving me crazy it is like he wants someone to hand him a job with out him doing anything. Please help what can I do to make him realize that he needs to do something before something really bad happens?

Answer 1

You need to keep the lines of communication open. I am sure that you are trying. In as nice a way as possible you need to get the point through to your husband that your family is in a serious situation. He is having some kind of problem that is keeping him from not doing better at work. He needs to motivate himself to do better. If he can't he needs to really find another job. You need to make it clear that you don't have much choice than to take the store manager job because he is not doing better.
Your husband needs to find it in himself to get up and go.

You need to keep talking to him, not nagging, not berating him, but trying to convince him of what needs to be done. Ask him for his help. Ask him what he thinks should be done ? Get him to at least participate in discussions for a start. Ask when he is going to produce more ? Ask him when he is going to get a better/ or different job ?

While you are juggling this you have to decide how long you can hold out doing it all. How long do you want to remain in this relationship if you are going to be the main provider.? Work out scenario's on paper.

Sorry you are having all these problems. It can't be easy. Hopes this helps at least a little bit. Prayers for you and your family.

Answer 2

I guess it depends on how you feel about the 'for better or worse' thing. If this is the only major thing wrong in your marrage (I agree it is pretty big) then stick it out but give him a time limit to turn this around, as well as a serious consequence if he doesn't. Don't give him a second chance if the time comes and goes, then stick to you guns and do what you said.
His actions will make you loose the house eventually and you probably know that. By the way is this a new thing or has he always acted like this? If it's new he might have some emotional problems that he should deal with.

Answer 3

You can't make him realize anything.

If he knows the morgage has not been made since Ocotber - then he is not in the wanting-to-realize-mode.

It seems, that you don't have his attention. And it seems, that he is not too concerned.

Sometimes it takes extreme things to get some people's attention.

You need to have one last really-really serious talk with your husband ... you might tell him that if he doesn't do something that your home will be taken .. and that if he doesn't do something in-a-hurry, that you will have to do things yourself.

If that does no good ... then you will have to make your own decisions about what to do to survive.

Answer 4

Oh God.

I don't think there is anything you can do to change him. He knows the mortgage is two months behind, yet he still hasn't stepped up to help out more. Do you have to lose the house in order for him to realize he needs another job?

I think the best thing you can do is consider selling the house. I know it sounds harsh but your credit is suffering and once ou get a foreclosure on your record, it's all over

Answer 5

Would he help out with the kids if you took a job? If yes, why not look into it? You could get part-time work doing something fun. And if he's threatened by the idea of you getting a job, then maybe he'll finally take your advice and go get himself a better one.

BTW if you have financial problems, a trip to a financial planner (and possibly a marriage councilor) might not hurt.

good luck

Answer 6

Honey whether you know it or not, this is the end of December. He shouldn't be driving you so crazy, he wouldn't drive me crazy. For 1. he would look up and 'all of my bags and my kids bags, furniture and all would be packed and I would be out of there. 2nd. You need to take the job if you are planning on staying with his deadbeat axx.

Answer 7

Take the Management Job, because you guys have marital problems. At least you will have a good job if everything else fails.

Answer 8

First of all, I think you might need to treat your husband with a bit of respect. Look at how you titled this entry. "My stupid husband". Do you really feel that way? It must be really nice to get up on your high horse and decide that HE'S the one who is stupid and needs to see that you need to take this managerial position, but how does HE feel about it? If he feels that the kids would be missing out on having their mother around, doesn't that make him a nice guy for thinking about the feelings of your kids? When did that become a bad quality????

Answer 9

wow, since October? not to be negative, But your sure to expect a forclosure letter sooner than later........

Honey, all he is doing is holding you back. You've done thats in your power to do , so best thing to is just kick him to ther curb. Find and apartment that kinda fits you financial standard and try to do the best you can without him. Its too late to try to save the house now.

Good luck

Answer 10

1st of all dont do what the first person said to do and im sorry you should just tell him that it is important that he gets a job that can support you guys because of your kids. ask him if he wants your kids to have clothes, shelter, and most importantly food. im sorry i hope that helps that was hard to answer.