my in-laws spoil my new husband and his 22 year old son rotten, my husband will not stand up to his parents, he and his son has dinner with them 3-4 times a week, they don't invite us, if i say anything my husband says u guy can come as he is walking out the the door, the real kicker is mil always invites ex-daughter in law to all the family functions, when i say something they all act like i'm nuts, my in-laws are very wealthy and my husband kisses their a---. They all including my husband treat this 22 year old son like he is a king he gets whatever he wants, my boys see this and they want the same, i don't want my boys to think life is that easy, but it hurts to see them treat us like we are not as special or important in thier life. my boys have no contact with thier grandparents from my ex, and i can tell they feel left out, my husband is to busy kissing his son *** to stop any of this, cars,apt,anything he wants. do i divorce this man? nothing is in my name, i used up all my $
2007-12-28 14:16:40 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Time to put your foot down. From now on, your husband doesn't go to dinner at his in-laws without you and your kids -- you are his family, now, and while he certainly doesn't want to lose his relationship with his 22 year old son, he needs to understand that when he married you, he also married your children, and you are sick and tired of being treated like a second-class wife. Your husband needs to just tell his in-laws, "from now on, all dinner invitations need to include my wife and kids." You can't say anything about the ex-wife without sounding jealous, so don't even go there -- remember, they have had a longer relationship with her than they have had with you, and there is probably genuine affection there. It's a shame they haven't embraced you in the same way, but in an odd way, they may feel that they are being disloyal to the ex-wife if they do. They need to get to know you, too, but that's hard if you aren't included in family dinners, etc.
I don't know what kind of financial arrangements you have with your ex regarding your sons, but it doesn't sound like your current husband feels like he has any particular responsibility towards them, and that's not fair to them.
Counseling needed here. Insist on it.
2007-12-28 14:33:07 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I see you're screwing this up. Your approach is all wrong and your thinking is all wrong. This is your new family. Why don't you start thinking in those terms. Stop referring to your mother-in-law as an in-law and start calling her "mom". Do you need a formal invitation to show up to YOUR mother's house? Invitations are for strangers, like your husband's ex. Next time your husband is ready to go out the door, get on your coat and go with him (EACH and EVERY time). The more you start showing up, the closer you will feel. You need to start putting forth effort. And, take your kids with you. Your kids are their family too, but if you sit around and wait for some invitation like a stranger, you'll be treated like one.
2007-12-28 22:35:49 · answer #2 · answered by Sondra 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You did not know all of this before you married this man?? Your job is to raise your sons. What your in laws, and your husband does for his now grown son is their business. You may have to accept that your in laws may be putting up with your hubby's Ex for the sake of their grandson. And your hubby cannot find his balls so he can be his own man. So he can stay in his parents good graces.
Sounds like you have a mess. Raise you sons to know that a 22 year old man does not need his parents and grandparents to get him everything he needs. That a real man pays his own way. This seams like a lesson you hubby never learned, and is not teaching his son.
2007-12-28 22:30:05 · answer #3 · answered by lynnn30 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That would be hard on the heart for sure.
Are you being Disrespectful in any way?
I know this may sound hard but men tend to act exactly like this when they do not recieve Respect from Wife at home.
Be honest with yourself. Pray about it.
Check out these web sites for more additional help. God bless and hope all works out. Hang in there, trust God to help it get better.
http://www.marriagetoday.org
http://www.loveandrespect.org
http://www.marriagerestorationministries.org
2007-12-28 22:41:11 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say, stay and you and the kids invent a day out for just you all when he does this and go shopping. Every time they have a dinner that exclude you and yours, have a shopping day on him. When ask why are you spending so much money, tell him it's your way of not feeling left out.
2007-12-28 23:36:52 · answer #5 · answered by Go GO Ressa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you do not divorce him. All this falls under the "for better or for worse" clause in your marriage vows.
Not to mention you knew he was like this before the wedding and you foolishly thought he would change.
The first thing you need to try is marriage counseling.
You get what you pay for.
Good luck.
2007-12-28 22:21:33 · answer #6 · answered by box of rain 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hopefully you can pull together enough money for a therapist and a lawyer, because you need both. Don't take this any longer. Good luck!
2007-12-28 22:38:43 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What a schmuck he is-ask him why he married you if he going to spend all of his time with his ex and his parents and ignore you and your children-wtf--get your boys and yourself out of there if he doesn't agree to change
2007-12-28 22:32:08 · answer #8 · answered by Lunaeclipz 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
no just hang in there. that's there grandchild.
it will work out sooner or later.
2007-12-28 22:23:07 · answer #9 · answered by bluesky 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋