My husband does catering and has planned many lavish affairs but on my bday he can't even plan a trip to the movies! Burn out from Christmas Is what the prob prob is.(dec27) but the efoort is what I expect and I am HURT, each year...The 25th is lacking slowly as well....ps.. I am always doing it up for events. Am I wrong to want the same treatment...??
2007-12-28 14:13:31 · 23 answers · asked by Miz Peaches 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Heck no you're not wrong. Maybe he feels like a job is a job and when it comes to you, he shouldn't have to work that hard since he already has you. Hey, some men are like that. Just being honest. He could just want to relax with you. My husband slacks sometimes too but when you're in a marriage, people fail to realize that you have to keep working on it. You just can't say, well we're married now, I don't have to do anything else....which is wrong. You have to keep that spark going or it will die out....and that's real. Maybe next time, tell him you want a big party and ask him to plan it for you because he's good at it. Nothing wrong with that. :)
2007-12-28 14:26:09 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
Your birthday is just a sucky day, period -- two days after Christmas!? (I bet you got lots of presents that people said, "Oh, this is for both Christmas AND your birthday, so I spent a little extra!")
If you want to celebrate ON YOUR BIRTHDAY, then just face up to the fact that you're going to have to do some of the planning, if you have any consideration whatsoever for your husband and his stress level at this time of year. It's as bad has having a birthday on April 15th and being married to a tax accountant! However, if you were willing to wait until mid-January to celebrate your birthday, when things are pretty calm and quiet in the catering business, I'm sure you could have quite a nice "do". Let's face it, you have a birthday every year -- what's the big deal when you celebrate it?
2007-12-28 14:41:58 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
You're not wrong for wanting the same treatment but you definitely 1) have to communicate your feelings & expectations (he can't read minds) and 2) you have to definitely be understanding that between October and December, caterers are incredibly busy so the last thing he probably wants to do is COOK or plan anything!
Sit him down, tell him you understand that the season makes it difficult for him to plan anything or have the energy for your b'day but it's not fair to just act like it's any other day. If it would help, perhaps you could just plan to celebrate your b'day properly 2 weeks AFTER your b'day each year. I know that seems unfair but it may be the only realistic way you can expect him to do up something special for you.
2007-12-28 14:18:57 · answer #3 · answered by bestadvicechick 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Yes, you are wrong to ask for the same kind of treatment because your husband is not you and you are not your husband. If you do something spectacular for his birthday, are you only doing it so that he can do the same for you? Or are you giving to him because you love and care for him?
Remember that what you view as love and care might not be the same things he feels. You could sit here and complain that he doesn't plan elaborate feasts for your birthday, but maybe he does something he hates even more like doing the dishes. If he suffers to do the dishes for you on your birthday, does that matter any less because he didn't plan a wonderful fiesta for you?
2007-12-28 15:29:43 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I understand why you feel this way. However, my answer is torn between the both of you. I feel you have a right to be upset about your husband not doing something special for youe birthday. However, I see how your husband could be burnt out from all the work he's done planning other people's events. He probably just wants to relax with you.
I believe you both can compromise and figure out a way to make each other happy.
2007-12-28 14:17:20 · answer #5 · answered by Talkstress 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Approach him calmly when he has the time to really listen and tell him exactly how you feel. Chances are he is either unaware of your feelings or he has not really been made to consider them. You are not wrong to want the same treatment. However, it may well be that he is overwhelmed by his responsibilities and uses your birthday as an opportunity to relax. Effective communication is the key here. Good luck.
2007-12-29 08:00:53 · answer #6 · answered by Sands 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well girl don't be so upset when you think about what you have done for your husband and what he has not done for you. Men don't do everything that women do we try to go all out when it comes to anything but you know what we are thankful to have good husbands who loves us and would do anything for us. I bet you can't tell me one bad thing about him and what he wouldn't do for you! Just love him and be thankful that you are able to make him happy and that you make sure everything is in order and you two love one another. Hopefully one day he may go all out and surprise you and then you would have to give him a big fat kiss and love him until you can love no more. :)
2007-12-29 13:54:31 · answer #7 · answered by sista bigbone 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He already knows you're hurt. You can give him (and yourself) the gift of forgiveness, and just let it go for the sake of love. He will (should) truly appreciate you for it, and maybe more willing to put forth an effort for you in the future because you've been kind to him about this now. You'll never regret being gracious about this.
2007-12-28 14:40:21 · answer #8 · answered by Auntie Bubbles 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well the restaurant business is overwhelming at this time of year-I think I would be a bit more understanding-put off a lavish event of your own until february when its really slow-but you do deserve a nice party from him!
2007-12-28 14:17:04 · answer #9 · answered by Lunaeclipz 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Wow, his job is to plan events so he wants to be mellow when he gets home, sounds like a normal guy to me. And yet you expect it, cause you're a normal woman. I would say talk to him, meet in the middle, a relationship is supposed to be about compromise.
2007-12-28 14:48:43 · answer #10 · answered by J.B. Holiday 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋