My husband sometimes eats out with females, pick them up from their home, drop them off at home, drive them around, process paperwork for them, meet with them one on one in the office...would you feel comfortable with this? Yes he does this with guys too. But naturally, I dont like it when he does all this with females. He is a military recruiter and all this is a part of the job. He says he could get in alot of trouble if he tries to mess around with one of the girls. He didn't say he wouldn't do it because he loves me and Im all he needs. Only because he could get in trouble. I thought I would be ok dealing with his job but now Im starting to feel really uncomfortable. He has to do this for the next four yrs. All he ever does is get angry with me if I try to talk to him about my concerns. I guess I get on his nerves but I'm not happy. Any advice?
2007-12-28 14:00:13 · 16 answers · asked by sweetness 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He drives them around because he wants to be "that pimp of the year" I guess.
2007-12-28 14:08:48 · update #1
I guess you all are right...thankyou!! But my husband and I have trust issues because he always lies to me. Then I caught him looking at teen porn. Im sorry but that was a red flag for me, but yeah, I need to focus on other things because being stressed out over him is not worth it. Thank you all for your honesty.
2007-12-28 14:16:51 · update #2
Ahhh...to be single again. lol Life was so much less stressful.
2007-12-28 14:35:13 · update #3
Lottie you have a very good point....but I feel like some of yall are fussing at me. =( lol
2007-12-29 06:41:14 · update #4
Thank you Bradley...very good point!
2007-12-29 06:43:03 · update #5
I would feel the same, I wouldn't like it if my husband had that job and had so much social contact with young women to recruit! If he's not messing around with them then statistically your nagging can drive him to it, but if you don't say anything, how can you just keep your feelings to yourself about it? Why does he HAVE to do this for the next four years? Can't he get another job? It's like an affair just waiting to happen! I mean it was in Newsweek a couple of weeks ago how over 70 military therapists have gotten into trouble for having sexual relations with military personel patients. People are people regardless of who they work for, and if he's wining and dining these women and driving them around in his car and going to their homes, I wouldn't put up with that personally.
Edit: re: your additional details - don't let the teen porn get to you. I mean men these days look at so much porn that it's better not to even know what they are looking at when it comes to porn unless it's of minor children or animals or something relatively disturbing :)
2007-12-28 14:05:41 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
My husband was a recruiter, and I never worried about him with the female recruits. If you know your husband loves and respects you, you have nothing to worry about.
Cupcake, if he wants to further his military career, he does have to do this for the next four years. :)
To the others that doubt this is a part of the job, yes it is a part of the job. Some recruits aren't going to have vehicles or other ways to get to the recruiting office, and sometimes you have to share a meal with them to help further their feelings on making the decision to join. Speaking from personal experience when I was a recruit and when my husband was recruiting. It is in no way indicative of him being unfaithful or that he will be unfaithful. Yes, some recruiters do take advantage of the young recruits in that way, but not all do, and the ones that do are disgusting and should be booted straight out of the military with a dishonorable discharge.
2007-12-28 22:07:06 · answer #2 · answered by littlevivi 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
He is correct and is not lying to you. I was concerned as I read until you said "recruiter". The amound of damage he could do, to his career, his family, marraige puts playing with potential recruits in a "no way" category.
Not sure what kind of advice I can give you. I don't like the fact that he gets angry when you bring it up because that means he could be trying to hide something. He needs to be very open about this subject.
Beside that little point, I don't believe you have anything to worry about. He uses a government vehicle right? Mess with a potential recruit and he could face brig time and he did learn that in training at Recruiting school. Try not to worry.
2007-12-28 22:08:09 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
I would actually prefer that over what mine does. We own a taxi company, in a college town (one of the big 10) and 90% of my husbands clientel are 18-22 yr old females. And on the weekends when they have been out drinking they dont care who they try and hang on. But I trust my husband, and know he loves me and only wants to be with me.
The best advise I can give you on this is, he is with you, he loves you, and you need to trust him. And it is true that not all militray requirters go to those lenghth, but I know many around here who do. It is part of the job. And you need to accpet that.
And dont nag him, or accuse him. Or he will get tired of it, and you dont want that. And I think him telling you how much trouble he would be in with the militray, was his way of trying to explain to you that their are ramifications other then what he would have to deal with, with you. Like ones that could get him discharged or worse.
And I can understand why he would be angry with you, if this is something you wont let go, and are nagging him about. No one wants to hear that, or be accused of something, when there is nothing going on. Trust you husband, or your marriage isn't going to last.
2007-12-28 22:19:42 · answer #4 · answered by cris 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Lay off the complaints. This is his job for the next four years, and every time you b***h about it, he has these visions of another four years of hell with you complaining every time he does his job. Yes, it would have been far more romantic if he had said, "Oh, my darling, I would never look at another woman, because you are my everything in the world!", but let's get real, shall we? His job with the military is obviously important to him, and to him, to say that he would get in a lot of trouble indicates that he has too much respect for his job to fool around. So why not respect him for that?
Relax and stop being so jealous. He's stuck with the job and he has to do it. Don't make it miserable for you both for the next few years. Your attitude is going to make the difference between whether he's successful in this job, or whether he looks back on it as a tension-filled misery. Change your attitude and be more supportive.
2007-12-28 22:20:10 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
You are driving yourself mad over nothing. If he is found to have any type of relationship apart from a professional one with these men and women he would be in serious trouble. Serious trouble.
He probably responded as he did because it is his job and that answer covered the repercussions to his job if he stepped over the line.
You need to accept his job - in most lines of work people interact with the opposite sex, it is the way of the world.
I understand you are fearful of your husband having an affair but you cannot stop this from happening - it is all up to his sense of loyalty to you.
2007-12-28 22:08:05 · answer #6 · answered by Sashaaa 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Try not to let it bother you. He's getting upset because it sounds like you don't trust him, and it sounds like he can be trusted. Try to think positive and let him know that you are. Tell him that you know that he wouldn't cheat on you. I'm sure that he could get into a lot of trouble, not only with his job, but with you also. Why would he want to mess up his whole life?? Relax and enjoy your husband.
2007-12-28 22:07:10 · answer #7 · answered by pebbles 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You need to lighten up. One of the most stressful jobs in the service is that of a recruiter. He's doing what we all did when I was one and what they all still must do. It's part of the job. Yes, some of the girls he treats this way are exceptionally attractive and behaving himself is damned hard. Your ragging on him about it does not make it any easier. You keep it up and you'll drive him away as surely as if you started shooting at him.
2007-12-28 22:22:38 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
He gets angry because he is not happy either, but has no real answer. It's his job. Which is like HUGE in a guys mind.
I s it possible for him to bring you along? It may not be completely 100% deductible but he could have you around.
2007-12-28 22:07:46 · answer #9 · answered by cotton3860 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are being petty and silly. It could ruin your marriage. If you don't have evidence of infidelity, then let it go.
Try to find a hobby or a job to get your mind off of things. Don't forget, he will lose more than his marriage, he will lose his livelihood.
2007-12-28 22:04:27 · answer #10 · answered by mel s 6 · 4⤊ 1⤋