ok so my 20 yr. old cousin and i (19), are taking a one-day road trip to chicago on sunday (which is 4 hours away from here) and my fiance is throwing a fit because he doesn't feel comfortable with me going w/o him (age 21) or an older adult. things happen in chicago, and he's just afraid for my safety. he's pretty pissed off right now. we're in a big fight and i hate fighting w/ him. i feel like i could cry right now. i dont want this to do anything to the relationship (i doubt it will but...). i dont wanna feel controlled, and i know i can take care of myself. i've been there b4, plus my mom feels alright about it. i just hate fighting w/ him and i dont want anything to happen between us, but i also wanna go somewhere w/ my cousin and get away from all this stuff down here and have a good time. i dont wanna be worried about my fiance the whole time im gone.
tell me something that would make me feel better about this so i dont feel like sh*t the whole time!!
2007-12-28 13:52:19 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
You're old enough in his opinion to make a life long pledge to him, but not old enough to be responsible for yourself?
Sounds like a control-freak move to me.
2007-12-28 13:55:40 · answer #1 · answered by Lochlain 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Put this into your mind:
Your bf is insecure and jealous that your are going somewhere without him. He's probably thinking irrationally that you might meet up with a new guy and fall in love right then and there, so he's mad. He's also probably a bit hurt that you have it within yourself to have a good time without him, and that your world doesn't revolve around him.
So he does what many guys would do: make you feel like sh*t for taking the trip. He basically doesn't want you to go, and if he can't get you to take him, and he cant get you to stay, he will do the next best thing: to make you feel like sh*t for going.
He DOES want to control you, and this move does show that he doesn't have that control. I think it is good for your sake that you show that you have some control, that he doesn't have all of it.
Little does he know, when a guy tries to control his gf in this manner, sooner or later she will start to resent him for it. YOu may not feel this way yet, but if you let him get his way this time, it will just open doors for him to feel like he can control you in other ways as well. And sooner or later you will start to resent him for that.
So have a fun, guilt-free time! (I think he will survive not going along)
2007-12-28 14:03:55 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
My BF @ the time took a road trip from Florida to Chicago and it was great!! We were actually going to Champain ILL, but ended up in Chitown. We had lots of fun because when we got there the Taste of Chicago was going on and Prince was performing. We saw the Chicago Art Institute and the Field Museum. I did not make it to the Shed Aquarium or the Amusement Park. We mostly stayed downtown where all the happenings are. The locals told us not to ride the rails because it was not safe or not to hang around on State street which is where the infamous projects Cabrini Green and the Robert Taylor homes use to be.
2007-12-28 13:59:28 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be preparred this is just a hint of what will happen after you are married. If you do not like this controling side of him, then guess what Wedding cake just dosn't make it go away. I am married to a controling guy and although I love him more than anything and we have a fantastic relationship, his controling is something I must accept and live with. I listen and make my mind up, but really listen to his points I find most of the time they make sense and they are just afraid for us. But again Really look at the situation and evaluate if this is the future you want. it is not for everyone.
As for the fight, again don;t leave town all in a huff, really sit down and discuss this with him before making a decision
2007-12-28 13:58:44 · answer #4 · answered by Mama Moose 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No,going to Chicago is not going to end your relationship. He may feel a little helpless because you have made the desicion without any regard to what he thinks.Also, he feels as if he is your "protector" and does want you to respect what he is saying to you. Go enjoy yourself; everyone needs a break. He'll be fine but monitor his behavior to see if there is a pattern of him "throwing a fit" when you do things without him. He may be a little jealous that you are going to Chicago with someone else,( even if you are going with a relative ) because he feels as if he should be #1 in your life and as of now he does not feel that way.
2007-12-28 14:10:57 · answer #5 · answered by LORD BALTIMORE 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Things do happen and just because it didn't before doesn't mean it can't happen nowadays.Why not all 3 of you go and have a great time.Mabe your cousin could invite someone too.Make it a foursome and have FUN because you are not going to enjoy the trip if you and him are fighting over it.----If he is jealous then that is a different story as you are a grown woman and have a right to have space with your cousin (but you are the one who is going to marry him) A little longer engagement might be better
2007-12-28 13:59:48 · answer #6 · answered by mamaw2305 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh! Its all right! Your fiance loves you so hes worried. It happens to everyone. A person is a bit overprotective and really care for you. You should go and talk to your fiance and tell him that you've been there before, you're going with someone, your own MOTHER approves, and other reasons you might have. No one can fight against logic!!! Its gonna be okay. One fight is pretty healthy. Sorry for sounding like a shrink!
2007-12-28 13:57:05 · answer #7 · answered by XxA&SXx 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I live in Chicago. You'll be fine. As long as you stick to the "touristy" spots and use common sense you (and your fiance have nothing to fret about). Plus, Chicago is tons of fun. I don't really like when women feel like they have to do what their boyfriend says....but, if it would make you feel better to make your boyfriend feel better, leave him with an itenerary of where you plan to be all day and an estimated return time and leave your cell phone on. That way you can have fun with your cousin and he will feel secure in knowing that you are safe. Have fun!
2007-12-28 13:58:32 · answer #8 · answered by Megan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're 19. Your mother is ok with it. You've been there before. You're not a wild child, are you? You don't go out and get blasted on booze, do you? You're not planning on going out dancing and carousing, are you? No, you don't want to feel controlled; nobody does. He should lighten up a bit. There is one thing, however. You said he's your fiance. That means you're not free to go out dancing without him or his explicit permission. If he's part of the "stuff" you wanna get away from, why are you engaged to him? I think there's a lot more to this story that you're not telling us. And I also suspect that, with that attitude, you won't be engaged to this guy much longer.
2007-12-28 14:02:49 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
When I was 19, I embarked on a road trip riding a bike across the united states.
Just tell him that he is a jerk and 19 years old is just as good as 89
2007-12-28 13:56:09 · answer #10 · answered by Miasmarizing 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, you're actually not over-reacting. Why isn't his son living with him? even with the actuality that it stinks for you, i desire, for the infant's sake, that it is the mummy he's going to work out with the aid of fact how poor if this 5 month previous has in fact no complete-time parents to shield him. This guy desires to concentration on his son. don't get mixed up in this; it does sound like he's mendacity to you. flow on & be grateful which you're unlikely to be spending something of your existence with an irresponsible liar.
2016-10-20 05:48:45 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋