is doing laundry a greater sacrafice/labor of love then paying the bills?

Question

My wife pays 0% of the bills/rent/groceries etc and does 98% of the housework and 60% of the cooking. I pay 100% of all the expenses and do only 2% of the housework/laundry and 40% of the cooking. I work full time and provide a decent living while my wife stays home with the kids (the youngest is now 11)

My wife thinks that her doing all of my laundry is a laudable sacrafice that goes beyond anything I do. She thinks that paying the bills is something I would have to do anyway even if she was not around.

So is the act of working to do the laundry for your family somehow better than working to earn the money to put food on the table?

Answer 1

I think in a balanced relationship who the f*ck cares who does the laundry. Your youngest child is 11, sounds like she/he's old enough to learn how you fold and put away clothes and know how to safely put a knife in the dishwasher.
My daughter folds her own clothes and puts them away she is 8, I work full time and pay the bills and provide a decent living for us. We do not want for much. I don't throw that in her face, I tell her to go to school and get good grades. Would sound silly if I did huh?
I say your wife can afford to take on at least a part time job if it bothers you all that much, kids are old enough now that she could do that, maybe she doesn't want to, that's up to you all.

Answer 2

I think this will always be a problem between men and women. It's not so much that you make all the money and she does all the housework and 60% of the cooking. It has to be about validation. This is becoming a big deal because maybe you don't notice or have become accustomed to her doing everything in the house, and not saying thank you. I get on my high horse with my husband when he starts taking everything for granted. I am also a stay at home mom. I do things b/c I want to , not because it is my duty and sometimes I feel more like a maid than a wife or mother. I suggest that both things are just as important, and I am by no means a therapist but I would suggest you get a babysitter one night for the kids and take her out. A happy wife would not make a big deal about laundry. And she does not sound happy. Maybe say thank you every once in a while or notice all the work she does around the house.

Answer 3

Laundry could not get done if the money was not available to make it possible for the laundry ... such as water, detergent, electric, washing machine, softener .. and even the clothes themselves ... the laundry just couldn't be done without money.

And .. you would have to pay bills anyway ... even if she was not around .. the bills would still exist for you. However - if you were alone, your laundry would also still need to be done .. you could do it yourself .. or hire it done.

Right now - you could hire your 2% of the laudry done - if you so chose.

The marriage should be team work.

Being a house wife is not easy .. it is hard work - if the woman does it all. And it is never-ever-ending.

A dollar amount was established for the yearly salary of a house wife - according to all the different chores she performs .. the amount was in the $185,000.00 yearly range.

Without money, nothing would be possible at a home .. no food, no electric, no washing clothes, no water, ... just not much of anything else would be possible without the money to do it with. You are the bread-winner of the family.

Both acts, should be acts of love for each other .. and acts of love for the whole family.

It is evident that nothing would be possible without the monitial support which you give .. which includes that doing the laundry would not even be possible without the money.
So .. the money is first & foremost the most important since it is a survival thing.

If needed - your wife could also get a job, make money, etc.

This should be a partnership of teamwork .. without anyone begrudging anyone. Everyone should just naturally DO what needs to be done .. and with love - because it is for each, for the other.

Answer 4

there is a lot more going on here then how much work it is to wash your dirty drawers, so instead of complaining about laundry you need to focus on what is really bugging you about your wife, the problem seems to be that now that the children are older then you think she should go back to work, and her response is that taking care of the house even when the kids get older is a full time job, and you would have to pay all the bills and do all the housework, run the children around, do the laundry, shopping, beds, and everything else that goes into running a house, she made a huge sacrifice to stay home with the children and run the home, do you know that they once figured it out that a stay at home mom did the equivalent of 2 1/2 full time jobs just to be a stay at home mom, so i guess if i were you i would leave her alone or get used to sleeping on the couch, cold dinners, dirty house, and spending all of your time helping with homework or ferrying kids around cause i can guarantee you that you don't want her job

Answer 5

If I'm not mistaken, "housework" consists of a lot more than doing laundry...however NEITHER laundry/housework nor paying bills is a 'sacrifice' or 'labor of love' because all those things would need to be done regardless.

A "housewife" typically does what your wife does and the husband works outside the home to earn the money. Both of you are doing what is needed to keep the home running smoothly and provide for yourselves and your children.

Neither of you is doing anything outstanding or more "laudable" than the other...you're simply doing what needs to be done. Perhaps both of you need to consider appreciating what the other does, and let them know it. Sounds to me there's an issue with you both feeling that the other doesn't notice or appreciate what you do and each of you feels the other doesn't make a significant contribution.

Answer 6

Sorry to your wife but the bills is 100% more stressful then laundry. My husband does all the out side work- we share laundry, cooking, and cleaning. We both work full time and have two kids. I have been doing the bills for 20 years and I think it is very stressful- I would trade laundry for bills any day. Let her try it for 6 months- she will see how hard it is to stay on top of all the bills and keep your accounts balanced.

Answer 7

Unfortunatley, it's not all just laundry and cooking. Your wife is also a mother. The TWO of you at one point decided that she would stay home with the kids. That was a decision made by both of you and for a good reason. In your situation, it can be difficult to understand eachother and the challenges you go through in a day. You may have a bad day at the office, when she spend the day taking care of a sick child. Instead of being upset at eachother be thankful for what you have. You are able to support your family by yourself and allow your wife to be home teaching your children life lessons. Both my husband and I work, and that will probably never change. I wish there was a way for me to be home with my daughter, but you've got to pay the bills. Good luck! and try to remember why you did it in the first place.

Answer 8

The sacrifice is that laundry and housekeeping chores are mindless, boring drivel. No intelligent person would ever be content doing nothing but keeping house. As people, we need intellectual stimulation. Your wife is probably bored. I've been on both sides of the equation, sole provider, and house husband. House husband sucks, because I'm bored. The kids are grown, or at least largely self sufficient. Laundry and scrubbing toilets is EXTREMELY boring.
Talk about it rationally. Figure out what is going on. A long term marriage is built on compromise. You've been together for a long time if your youngest is 11. Don't throw it away over petty nonsense.

Answer 9

What I love about this is you are completely left brained and your wife is right brained. The perfect match. You have asked the question that we all struggle with. In our minds working, earning money, providing, is like worth 99 points, she thinks cleaning the house and folding clothes is worth 150 points and she now has the upper hand. So we do some house work and earn another 100 points and we win. But we don't according to them ( women)

same game different rules.

gotta love life

Answer 10

I think she should take your laundry to the cleaners where you have to pay to have it done at about $1.00 per pound and she gets a part time job.
I think then the 2 of you might get a little perspective.
Home makers have little time off to themselves and everything they do is for the greater of the good all round not just for her like cooking or laundry, you all eat, you all have clean clothes.