essay help?

Question

http://freetexthost.com/1jv1xazcrj

I need some constructive criticism.

Answer 1

1. You used thorough too much times.

2. when you say random sentences, it means you
are out of the topic. you could say you would like to broaden your conversations so you stretch your knowlege.

3. perfectionist sounds good but it almost sounds
that you might be too concertrated and not
be able to control your life which might be passing by you.




To tell you the truth...im about..186492 % sure you are
going to get in. I liked your essay..a lot!

Answer 2

The essay is not concise. For example, both paragraphs are long, vague and repetitive about being a perfectionist. It is unclear exactly what are your goals of going to a prestigious university means. You need to be more specific about the type of career you want to pursue and why you want to do it, and how Duke is the match for it. Your music experience, perfectionist are not really relevant to the question asked, in the way you express yourself.

The link between your goals and how Duke will help you achieve those goals are not mention. Use a persuasive set of reasons for why Duke is the place that will help you achieve those goals, specially for what reason you choose Duke (what attracted you).


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http://www.essayedge.com/promo/graduate_4_after.html

Answer 3

First of all - overall it is a good response to their instructions.

You addressed the "fit" quite well.

I think it would be more beneficial for you to use the word thorough much more than perfectionist.

And instead of describing your conversational style as random.... you could use eclectic, or lively and varied.

Remember you want to show yourself in the best light and those words have more positive connotation.

Answer 4

1. too many uses of the word "thorough"
2. why are "Areas of Knowledge" and "Modes of Inquiry" capitalized and in quotes?
3. Get rid of stuff about "random in my conversations", this means that you babble
4. last sentence stinks