Oh it is Christmas time,..
my husband said that this year he is not going to get me a Christmas gift. I agreed but I am hurt. He got a gift (which he always does) for his mom and grandma; but he did not for me. He does not give his brother any presents either.
We have been married only a year.
I don't want to be all dramatic, but I am really hurt by this. I love giving out gifts to people I love, so I do not understand.
We get along great, we love each other, but it really hurts me. He did not give me a birthday gift either. Why didn't he?
2007-12-28 13:22:24 · 29 answers · asked by Becca 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I did talk to him a little about it, he just doesn't care. He really doesn't care about my feelings. When I ask him about it, he says... oh geeze here it is again..." I want my husband to treat me well, like he did when we were dating, because getting married shouldn't change everything.
2007-12-28 13:31:23 · update #1
My husband didn't get me a gift either and we've been married almost 10 years. (Guess what, I didn't get him one either!) It's no big deal! Don't put such emphasis on material things!
2007-12-28 13:36:19 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may have been raised in a family where gifts were not a big deal, and maybe his dad did not give his mom presents. Did you get him a gift? I usually give my husband a couple of "hints" as to what I would like, however since you agreed he would not get you anything he did exactly what you asked! Next time, tell him it would make you feel good if he would get you something small instead of nothing at all...maybe he will be more comfortable picking out a small gift (less pressure to get the pefect thing). Take it from an old married gal, you want to get this gift thing straightened out early or you are in for a lifetime of disappointments at holiday time. So, one small gift exchange between the two of you, and you will feel much better. Even if it's "let's fill each other's Christmas stockings next year
ONE OTHER THOUGHT.. some people don't like the idea of "having "to get a gift. Try making up a tradition for just the two of you to exchange gifts... maybe on New Years eve, or your own made up special day.
2007-12-28 13:36:48 · answer #2 · answered by blondambition 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie, it sounds like you had no idea about the realities of marriage. Keeping things the way they were when you were dating was unrealistic. Marriage and dating are two completely different relationships and the rules do change after the ring goes on. Big Deal you didn't get a gift, you have a home, a husband and a family. There are many who never know that type of security. My husband and I did not exchange gifts this year either. We focused on our family and our son. Besides, Christmas is not supposed to be about the gifts. You really should be grateful for what you do have. You say that the two of you discussed not exchanging gifts before, you should have been prepared. And if it was ok then why isn't it now? If you wanted to do gifts you should have said so instead of placating your husband. Bringing it up to him is only going to cause problems for the both of you. Forget it, you will have many more Christmases together, and that is what you should be thankful for.
2007-12-28 13:42:26 · answer #3 · answered by Poot's Mama 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He kind of set up the situation so you would not be happy. He told you right off that he wasn't going to give. It wouldn't have mattered if you agreed or not.
The first few years my husband was like that (he kind of still is) but he does show how much he cares all year so it doesn't bother me. He buys me anything I want and this year for Christmas all I had to do is say the word and he would buy me a new car. Just that he would do it at the drop of a hat makes me realize how sweet he is. I don't want a new car for another six months or so because we are getting our finances under control.
Maybe he does care but he just feels it's too much pressure to try to find the right gift so he jsut gives up? I think my dh was like that early in our marriage. I would start telling him what he's getting you for coming holidays. That helped with me. I told him he was getting me a new computer for my birthday in july and when the day came closer we got online and bought it together.
If you get along great, wait til you cool off and talk about how hurt you feel and tell him gently what you want and what you see for your future as far as holidays go.
Good luck. I know it's a sore spot for many wives as evidenced by the posters here.
2007-12-28 13:49:41 · answer #4 · answered by pinniethewooh 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Does he know how you feel? We never give each other gifts for birthdays and holidays. We started to at Christmas a few years ago because the kids complained that we did not get anything. It was a mutual decision though and both of us did not care. He probably figures that you do not care since you did not say anything when he told you. I would talk to him. Have a calm discussion and try not to get upset.
2007-12-28 13:30:58 · answer #5 · answered by kim h 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Either he has no idea what to get you, so he doesn't get you anything, or he isn't as giving a person as you are. He may find the whole gift giving tradition frivolous, or he is just cheap. You shouldn't be upset about it this time though. He did say he wasn't going to get you anything, and you agreed. Maybe just bring it up again and say "You know how I said it was OK to not get me a gift?, Well I changed my mind. I would appreciate it if you could at least get me something small, just so I know I am appreciated." Or something to that effect......
2007-12-28 13:34:13 · answer #6 · answered by ♦justme♦ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is really time to seek professional counselling . It doesn't look like your marriage is going to last long otherwise . Seems like you are doing all the giving and that isn't how it should be . Sometimes love is not a good enough reason to stay in a relationship that is harming you . It hurts to admit it , worse than you can imagine but sometimes it is necessary . Think how you would feel to see your future children treated this way .
2007-12-28 14:40:04 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My hubby and I do not exchange Christmas gifts. We buy a gift for us together. This year we are getting a new camera.
It would hurt my feelings if I gave him a gift and he didn't get me one. You need to make sure that you and your hubby are on the same page. It sounds like there is a little gap in communication.
2007-12-28 13:37:29 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk to your hubby and tell him how it makes you feel not getting a gift, I see a lot of women on her did not get gifts from there hubbies, very said, I am sending out a gift of hugs to you all and a cheer of hope for the new year to be different for you all, I wish I had a lot of money I would send you all roses and a nice diamond neck less.
2007-12-28 15:28:12 · answer #9 · answered by Brian C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He had already told you he wasn't and you agreed and now you are hurt he didn't. Think about that-if it was going to bother you why didn't you tell him when he brought it up. You are not communicating and expect him to know that you really aren't agreeing with what he said but agreed anyway because he will know that. Men aren't that smart and neither are women-if it bothers you say something but if you agree with it then you have no right to feel bad or sorry for yourself about it. Just ebcause you like ding something does not mean everyone else does.
2007-12-28 13:33:20 · answer #10 · answered by GunnyC 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some people are just this way about gift giving. If you love giving out gifts, give them to the people that deserve them. If he doesn't give you a gift, then don't give him one. Or you can try to talk to him and let him know how this makes you feel.
2007-12-28 13:28:24 · answer #11 · answered by Go GO Ressa 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋