Trying to get my feet under me after my husband left.?

Question

I am so depressed. I need to find a job, am 58 and limited skills. All I've done pretty much is clean. I was a h/w for almost 30 years and husband left me some weeks ago. I have a car, phone, but, I cannot get myself out of the house...like I'm scared. I am a good worker, don't miss work, and do good work. I cannot impose any longer on my sons generosity. I hate to ask them for $10 to pay a bill. I need some words to help me. I've just been in like shock since he left and took all the $ and left me the bills. Help.

All of your answers have been so kind and supportive. The tears are flowing as I write this, not from the fear anymore. I KNOW I can do this. I am a good woman, a good mom, and God is my answer in all of this. I pray and ask Him for strength. I thank each and every one of you kind people from the bottom of my heart that you reached out to help me. Tomorrow is a new day. I will get a job and life will start for me. Thank you for your help and the "Hug" I received just was the icing on my cake of life. God Bless you.

Answer 1

Bonnie the answers you've received, print them so you remember there are people who care for others because we're all human and hurt is not mutually exclusive.

I want you to do something for Bonnie, just for you. Go get a new hair style, cut and bleach if that's what you want. But I want you to do it.

You have time management skills, money management skills and organization skills, everything else you'll learn on the job so don't feel as if you were 'only' a h/w! I think you'd be excellent as an office manager and many businesses are paying very good money for the skills you learned by doing what worked for 30 years.

He's gone - good! Now you get to be Bonnie, all 58 years of dynamic woman and guess what, she's been in hiding for 30 years. Isn't it time you let her out?

It's going to be bumpy, no lie about that because you are now single. We single women, not girls or young ladies, Women! can do just about anything we put our minds to.

All the best and a GREAT BIG HUG FROM GEORJINA!

Answer 2

Oh sweety. I'm so sorry!!! I've heard this story ten million times. You can be successful on your own! I know you can do it. Don't be scared. Lots of women have done this before you, and you can too!!!!

Here's an outline for a plan... File for divorce. Ask for half of everything. Get alimony. Make sure your support is enough to pay rent and food, and health insurance etc. But don't be unreasonable or he will fight it so long that you'll run out of money and a home... He also gets half the bills! :-) Find a job. Take night classes to expand your skills. Live within your means. Be thankful you are done with a man who would leave you in such a state. Seek a mental health counselor. Join a local support group.

Make your plan. Execute your plan. Be successful. It's the best revenge!

You are in your prime!!!! Don't think of yourself as limited skills. You have a lifetime of experience to offer. YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!!!!

Answer 3

Go see a family lawyer and file for a divorce. You have been married so long, alimony is mandatory. You can get half his retirement too. Get a credit card in your name so you can pay the lawyer. Then find the nearest college and talk to a councilor about grants and student loans to go back to school. You are not too old to do this. Be brave all is not lost. This may be the best time in your life. You won't have to answer to anyone else. You can eat what you want, when you want. You can go places and do new things. You have a computer, it is the window to the world. You are opening a new chapter in your life. Life is an adventure, go for it.

You need God in your life, he will never leave you.

Answer 4

i know its hard at that age to try to start all ove like a new.. but you can do it.. you will find once your out and working you will meet people and start enjoying your life again.. and these are the best years of your life.. dont let starting over hold you back.. and yes your son will get tired of it fast if it keeps up and you dont want to strain that relationship i am sure.. try working somewhere where your around people.. try a nursing home or something like that.. you can work with the people and you will find that helping others will bring you joy in your life..i know a good site for looking for jobs i will put it below here.. just put in your zip and it will give you all the jobs listed in a 50 mile range. for years i worked as a waitress and omg i loved that job.. best job i ever had.. worked very hard but the money was great and making others smile and laugh everyday just made my day.. so you are the only one that can pull yourself out of this depression and you have to do it now.. everyday you wait is another day harder.. good luck

Answer 5

First of all, file for spousal support until you can get on your feet at your age the courts should see fit to award you something to get you on your way. If your husband hasn't filed for divorce then YOU do it. Go down file on charges of abandonment, request that your husband pay all court costs as well as lawyer fees. Then find an adult education course that will give you some computer skills, or look into taking a course in medical transcription. With medical transcription you can look around your area and find what offices are "outsourcing" and do that from home. You need to shake off the shock and the hurt and stand up for yourself...it is possible to do...

Answer 6

I'm so sorry you are made to go through this. Life is so unfair sometimes. He may have taken all you thought you had but he hasn't taken your will to live or your dignity. You are a strong person for not wanting to impose on people for your livelihood. Take to take some time to sort out what you are really meant to do for the rest of your working career possibly at a cleaning agency or a temp agency to start. As you start working your self esteem will improve which will enable you to take greater leaps of faith when it comes to a job or in life in general. My heart goes out to you. May you experience a peace that is inside us all as the new year approaches. Look inside yourself for strength to make it through each day.

Answer 7

Bonnie, I cannot imagine what you have been going through! I am older too and I think I would have been shocked as well...after all the years! I am so sorry. But, Bonnie, I do know what it is like to feel defeated and you are NOT! If you believe in God and can draw from HIS strength....you will be victorious over this situation!

Hun, place your faith in Him and know that God loves you and HE will NEVER leave you! Man fails us ...God does not! I too, will be praying for you and ask God to lead you and guide you. I ask God to give you His strength and make a way for you to have ample security, monetarily. May God love on you, allowing you to know He does care and He is there ...always!!

If you need to talk, e-mail me,
gail

Answer 8

I am sorry for your situation.
The very, very first thing that I would do is to talk to a divorce attorney. Explain your situation and that you need money to live on.
You need to get out and try to take come college classes. Start with a very, very basic computer class. This will help you to get comfortable with the computer. You cannot get away from them.
Please don't sell yourself short and if possible some kind of a counceling group. Remember, you are not the only one to go through this. There have been others before you and unfortunatly, others after you.
Please do not lean on your kids for entertainment. While they will want to help you, they will be very proud of you to see that you CAN MAKE IT ON YOUR OWN WITHOUT THAT SORRY LOSER OF A HUSBAND.

Answer 9

Sorry to hear that.

1. Go to the bank and take what money is left in the accounts. That is soooo wrong and dirty of him to do that.

2. Get an attorney

3. See your doctor for depression.

4. You need to do what you have to do to survive financially. Start applying for work where ever you can. Try local retail stores.

5. Start researching social services to see what you can qualify for.

Good luck!

Answer 10

Stop allowing yourself to be paralyzed with grief. Get back on your feet by helping someone less fortunate than yourself.

Also, find a support group for separated and divorced people. Go there and listen to other tell their stories and talk about your feelings.

In time, you will find yourself beginning to heal. The real healing occurs when you help the next new person handle their new found grief.

I have found out that the best way to help yourself through a tough time is by helping someone else.

Good luck.