i got so many conflicting answers to my question! thank you for the advice. i am still confused. the married man i am involved with is only there because of the kids. and yes we both have children! i guess i should make a descison in 08 and decide to think of my kids first, then myself. maybe then blessings will come my way! you can not stop the feelings you have for someone. whether they are married or not. the way he treats me makes me feel like he loves me. my husband is begging me to stick with him and make things work while he is in jail. though i am not sure that is the life i want to live!
2007-12-28 12:38:18 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Why wait til nx wk??? ('08) Make a decision NOW. Write down all the pros and cons of your situation. What do you want for yourself and your children? Let's see do you want to start a life with a married man who isnt capable of working on his marriage..... or your husband who's in jail. Sorry to say, NEITHER is a choice. You have yourself and your children to consider. Please think realistically, and make plans for a clean slate.....for YOU, and your children....minus the two losers who are presently in your life. Best Wishes!
2007-12-28 12:55:30 · answer #1 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"Feeling like someone loves you" doesn't mean that they do. Your married paramour is only treating you that way so that you will continue to be his whore. And yes it IS very easy to stop the feelings you have for someone. Do you really think your chldren would be proud of you? Not only are you married to someone in jail but you're phucking around with a married man. Obviously you're not much of a mom if you can't think of your children
2007-12-28 14:20:46 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let's keep it simple, shall we. Do you go to work every day and pay your own bills?
What you are mistaking for 'love' is neediness, yours. He's in it for a bit on the side with someone weaker than his wife...guess who? You have one man in jail....what is this telling you about the decisions you're making about your life?
This isn't meant to make you feel worse, but it is meant to wake you up. Stop playing the 'victim' because you are not. Every decision and step has been a choice, yours.
2007-12-28 15:13:41 · answer #3 · answered by G N A 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only there for the kids is the oldest excuse in the book. He is married, you are married; all you will get is much heartache by continuing on with this man. If he really loved you, hell nor high waters would keep him from divorcing his wife to be with you.
2007-12-28 13:47:23 · answer #4 · answered by pussycat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What a tangled web we weave.... Your hubby is in jail and you are messing around with a married man? You are one busy chick huh? Hey, maybe you can find a second lover who is a cross dresser or something. That would add alot of excitement to this story. What do you think? I think it would be awesome. (smile) hehehe
2007-12-28 12:48:44 · answer #5 · answered by Fergy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you're STILL an idiot. You married a felon and you're screwing a married guy. You deserve all the crap you get. If you have any self-respect, you would focus on making a good life for you and your children. Quit being so stupid!
2007-12-28 12:48:06 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't answer very many of these, but I hope this helps. You appear to be so close to this problem, you can't see your errors....
First, it is insulting to each of your spouses that you are each involved with someone who is already married. When we marry, we take a vow, and the spouse to whom we made that vow has every right to believe that the one they married is exclusive to them sexually as well as emotionally. So, each of you has insulted not only the other, and the marriage, and the other partner, but that vow each set made, one to the other. Steep and nasty.
Secondly, your husband is in jail for a felony. And so my vow is off. I'd be handing the guy divorce papers.
Thirdly, as an old Chinese proverb goes, "be careful what you wish for, you may just get it." "Forbidden love" is exciting--- novels, movies, plays and poetry have all been written to it. But the then day to day living sets in, and it "ain't all cracked up to what you thought it was." Affairs are secret, and you see each other only at your best... you plan for that meeting, and are hyped for it.. Far different than a rock solid marriage. Feelings of this intensity usually don't last much longer than two years. Then reality sets in, one way or the other.
What you need to question is, "Why have you yourself set your standards for a partner so low? First, a guy in jail, as the father of your children, (and you had to have known him before you chose him) and then, as a lover, you choose a guy already taken?" Surely you must believe you are worth more than either of these guys. And your behavior will mean that you will just get more married men taking advantage of you. If you can't see that, I'm sorry... it is true.
There are some things you truly need to consider
1. Children need more than just a full belly, a tv, a computer, and dope in hs. They need a family. Well, you blew it with the man you chose to be the sire of your children. Now the message you are sending them is that it is okay to fool around with a married guy. Your daughter will do that, and your son will cheat too. And each of you cheated on the other.... Your children have no honorable male role model in their life... Both of these are wrong, on so many levels, and it would be far better that they have no male role model, than the two you have chosen... dump them both. You are doing your children damage that can never be repaired...NEVER.
2. We choose what we do in life. There is no such thing as luck. Luck is defined as "being prepared when an opportunity arises." And "blessings" don't come your way either... we each shape what we want our future to be like. Anyone who is successful in life, by what ever standard you measure success has had in the back of their head, "I do what have HAVE to do, so that I can do what I WANT to do." You have allowed thing to happen to you, you have planned for none of it... You didn't plan to have children with a felon, but it happened, and you didn't plan to sleep with a married man but it happened... sweetie, life is best when we do some planning.
So, hon, you can choose to waste your time with this married man, 'cuz he for sure will keep you as "the jerk in reserve to his wife", or you can get a divorce, dump this guy, then get yourself back into school, and your life back on track.
Here's what my mom began hammering into my head when I was just 13, and as a result, I got to see traps before I fell into them. They are sent to you with love from my mom:
1. The most important decision you will ever make is who you marry. Choose with your head as well as your heart.
2. Have no children until your bond is strong, and have no more than you yourself can support. You may just have to.
3. At any and all costs finish your education to qualify for those high paying jobs. It is likely that you will work sometime during your marriage, probably for decades…. Get paid for it. And remember, your kids and your education are forever…. Husbands, lovers and promises are not!!
4. Have a stash of cash no one knows about even if you are sure you will never need it. You absolutely will, and the more the better.
These seem so simple, and so obvious, so why have you stumbled at the first one? ANd made a mess of the rest of them????? It really isn't all your fault. You are likely a product of public education, and we turn you guys out with no life skills. We don't teach you how to shop for a spouse, we don't teach you how to parent, or how to even balance a check book. And as a public school teacher, my very deepest apologies... we have failed you, we have failed your jailed husband, and we have failed your marriage, and I am so, so sorry.
But it IS your fault if you continue in an affair, it IS your fault if you do not seek some counseling, it IS your fault if you raise your children to believe this is a normal way to behave, and it IS your fault if you do not finish your education to improve your financial situation, because all that help is out there for you. And it for sure WILL be your fault if you bring another child into your situation, that you cannot truly be a parent to.
I hope this helps. We all make mistakes. But there are always doors out of those mistakes if we wish to take them. I hope you read this carefully, and seek some counseling, hon.... Find those doors, hon, and take them.. Write if you need encouragement.
2007-12-28 13:53:49 · answer #7 · answered by ladyren 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nothing good will come your way if you don't leave this married man alone. How would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot?
2007-12-28 13:21:25 · answer #8 · answered by Go GO Ressa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is this guy the last man on earth??
Didn't think so.
Find a man who wishes to devote himself to you, and only you.
Because the sad truth is, if he wanted to leave his wife, he would have done so already.
And....he cheated with you, so odds are, he will cheat ON you too.
2007-12-28 12:45:14 · answer #9 · answered by Ms. GTO 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
do what your head tells you is right for you.. the thing is what advice would you give a friend in your spot.. thats the answer for you... if you can tell your friend what you would do then thats what you should do for yourself... you have to decide what you want in life not what others think you should do..good luck
2007-12-28 12:49:28 · answer #10 · answered by Kat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋