so many people get divorced nowadays, mostly because they rushed it. were there certain things you wish you knew during your early relationships? also, how long do you think a couple should date before getting married?
2007-12-28 12:38:11 · 16 answers · asked by avielleb 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I got married when I was 18 years old but we had dated since I was 14 years old. (I am almost 24 now.) I would definitely recommend waiting until after college because you learn so much about who you are and what you are capable of. Also, you should tell them to get together on their finances and make sure both of them know exactly how to balance a check book and make and stick to a budget. (No one teaches kids/teens about money management, overdraft fees, credit card interest rates, etc.) Money issues are the top reason so many people get divorced. Hope this helps!
2007-12-28 16:41:18 · answer #1 · answered by Stephanie W 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think ultimately I would point out that people change very dramatically from aged 18 to 30. They mature rapidly and often change their outlook on life to the opposite of what they were at 17! This dramatic change can cause problems for a couple as they sometimes don't like the person they end up with at 31. Some grow together though and its a great success. Depending on the age of the couple, I would say two years to date and a year of engagement i.e. when they have a year to seriously think about married life and what it means. An older couple need only date a year and have a shorter engagement as they have more life experience. Ultimately, every couple should get as much advice on what they are letting themselves in for and not to be silly and romantic about it. Marriage is a hard slog with lots of hurts and disappointments. With this comes a very deep love and hopefully contentment! Maturity in outlook is useful as is a forgiving nature and a sense of humour. Anyone of any age can have these qualities.
2007-12-28 12:56:45 · answer #2 · answered by AUNTY EM 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't give advice because it's not my place. People have a right to make their own mistakes. I got married (to the father of my kids) when I was 21 and I left him when I was 24. I don't feel like a failure, it's just part of the journey of my life.
I don't think there are so many divorces because people rushed in, I think it's because people don't take it seriously once they are in it, they don't want to try and make things work. I've heard lots of stories of couples who got married after only a few months and are still married 20, 30, 40 years later. I've also heard stories of couples who dated for like 5 years and then got married, only to get divorced a year later. People should only get married when they are commited to being together through good times and bad; everyone says that, but few really mean it. Young people need to understand that everyone grows and changes. There will be times when you don't feel in love. The person they are (and their partner is) now, will not be the same in 5, 10, 20 years. Life takes all of us on a journey, and there are ups and downs. How will you deal with it if your partner loses his/her job, and sinks into a depression for a year or two? How will you handle an unplanned pregnancy or the birth of a child with special needs? People just have to commited to making it work.
2007-12-28 13:00:01 · answer #3 · answered by who-wants-to-know 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the high divorce rate is because children of the baby boomers are spoiled, and raised just changing things instead of fixing them.
If you have data on rushing things, I'd like to see it.
The only thing I really had trouble with before marriage was waiting for the right man to step into my life. Trusting the Lord was hard, hard.
Dating before marriage would be different with every couple. I know couples in the same church who dated exactly once before becoming engaged. I think a certain amount of desperation--to be wed, to be intimate, to begin married life--is healthy. So if a couple is lonely and miserable without their fiancees, I don't see the point of making them wait.
"Married too soon" is when the couple is still in high school, don't have jobs to support themselves, and haven't yet grown up enough to understand the real meaning of commitment. I encourage all young couples to finish college first. College + marriage is not so easy, and college is the doorway to supporting themselves & a family.
TX Mom
2007-12-28 12:53:03 · answer #4 · answered by TX Mom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Many years ago before your time the experts said not to marry until you are in your late 20's. By that time you are established in your life and work, you can still have a family. On a personal note, I was introduced to my wife in the middle of August a week before my 22nd birthday, she was 20. We celebrated our 60th wedding anniversary this year on Oct 31. To save you the trouble of how long we knew each other it was 10 weeks. It has been a good and bad marriage, we have just hung in there and made things work out. We are one of the exceptions. With the early marriages the divorce rate is very high in the first 5 years.
2007-12-28 13:05:39 · answer #5 · answered by John P 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
they tend to not talk about the things that will matter when you get married.. the need to set goals and make plans they both want in the marriage.. like money and who will work or both and how will they pay bills and save. then need to talk about kids if any and how many can they afford to have and still pay bills and live comfortably. also where you will live.. once the get married they seem to fight over these things that they didn't really talk about before hand. if it was me they should wait till there at least 25 to 30 and more ready to settle and make that commitment that they will be ready for.. good luck
2007-12-28 12:54:17 · answer #6 · answered by Kat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I knew my husband 2 years before we started dating, we dated 2 years when we got engaged and have been married for 3 years. We started out as friends first. That I think is a major factor that people tend to loose. You have to be friends to be a happily married couple.
2007-12-28 13:07:59 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
All you can do is be there and support them because they are going to do what they want you can help them think about what it will take to make a marriage work and the cost that go with it make sure they know that it is for every good times and bad and that even the best relationships have bad and that talking to each other is always better than at each other.Love and marriage takes work every day and it takes two
2007-12-28 12:51:30 · answer #8 · answered by fisher 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-01-13 20:05:54 · answer #9 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
every couple is different. some are mature enough to make the leap and succeed. the statistics show many dont. anybody expecting someone to change because they are marrying them is getting married too soon. if your partner is not sober, stay at home, religous, sexually compatable or in any way not perfect for you they probably wont change for you.
2007-12-28 12:51:42 · answer #10 · answered by tim 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋