Am I right to split up from my husband?

Question

For years my husband neglected me, was never home and was always on the computer. I felt so irritated and annoyed, but i still loved him.
These past couple of years however, i have felt that i do not love him anymore. I have found other men attractive, which i didn't before. When he tried any sexual act I feel repulsed, as i don't even fancy him anymore either. I do have a high sex drive, but just not with him. We hav 3 kids together. I have tried so hard to get my feelings back for him, but I can't, and the longer I try, the worse I feel about him.
I told him the way I felt and we both decided that he should leave. Poor thing was crying as he still loves me, but I just don't love him. I feel very guilty, but I can't stay in a loveless marriage just cos I feel sorry for him.
I feel very bad too, as his family can't see what is wrong with me, and they are going to hate me for not loving, & hurting him. I will miss my relationship with them too. what do you think? should we split up?

Answer 1

I don't think that it will be healthy for you or him to stay together as a couple. Can't you two split up and remain friends? That would be cool. Splitting up is always hard on both people (usually both) but it gets easier with time. Don't worry about his family or yours and the way they feel. This is between you and your husband. You guys will figure it out. (smile)

Answer 2

I don't think you're giving us the whole story. You said for years your husband had been ignoring you, was never home, and always was on the computer. But you never made any claims to try to get through to him. How did he neglect you? Was he not home because he was a work?

I don't think you should call it quits yet just because I do not think you have made a decision to leave him yet. I would suggest splitting up without divorcing first living in separate places. Decided on the timeframe of the split and see how that works for you. It may give you a chance to discover something that you may not know at first.

Answer 3

Why don't you try seeking help from a Marriage Counselor first? There are so many reasons why you should not give up yet. Marriage is a sacred thing. Things may not have been how they should be but give him a chance, give yourselves a chance. Sometimes, we need another person to help us see the good in our relationships. Also, ask the support of your family and your husband's family. If after seeking help, it still does not work, then at least, at the end, you can say you fought the fight and no one can tell you otherwise.

Answer 4

No, you should not split up unless he has committed adultery. You as the wife are obligated to stay and try to pull the marriage back together. But it takes (2) two. You two need to talk and put everything out in the open. Tell him how you feel and give him some time to change but you have to be willing to try to make it work. Do everything you can to try and fix it. Also, find out what he's doing on that computer that is taking up so much of his time. Best to you both.

Answer 5

Well if you feel that his neglecting you is cause to end the relationship and you have tried everything to make things better than I say yes. They say time heals all wounds but not all wounds really heal. Have you two tried counseling and maybe you letting him know what is really bothering you and to face what he has done to your marriage maybe your last and finally attempt to fix your marriage and your family. I would go with your heart and step back and weigh all your options before making a hasty decision first!

Answer 6

Put the shoe on the other foot. If he told you he no longer loved you and found you sexually repulsive, would you hang around? No. So, save yourself and him from the horrors of a loveless marriage and leave.

Answer 7

Ann, I feel so sorry for your situation. But, with what you wrote, it seems there is hope for this marriage!

Have you both gone to a professional for help? Counseling for your family as this break-up will surely affect these children! Three lives plus the brokeness of your husband. It just seems to me that this marriage is worth saving! In as much, I want you to know that I am going to be praying for your family. I ask that you too, pray and ask God for the guidance you need to honor your vows. I ask God to give you wisdom, guidance and peace as you seek your answer. May God provide you with truth and a renewed love for your family unit.

Answer 8

I understand that he is hurt because you want to leave but honey it will hurt more if you stay and you don't love him. You know it will hurt both of you cause all you two will do is fight and argue so if you can't see away to love him than you need to leave before you ruin any chance of a friendship with each other at all. cause you do have children together.

Answer 9

Yes, You have to do what is right for you, not for him. Im sure it will be hard on both of you, and hopefully you can remain friends for the kids sake, but you cant stay the rest of your life with someone you arent in love with anymore.

Answer 10

You promised to love him until death do you part, if its that bad that you can't take it anymore thats understandable, but think of your kids, make sure that you are not about to make a selfish decision. Good luck, I wish the best for you!