What do you do about verbal abuse?

Question

My husband just called me a 'f#*$ck up' several times. We got married in August. He is a control freak. We don't have a lot of $$, I am in school but as soon as I finish I will have a lucrative career as a court reporter. The program is really hard, though and it has been extremely difficult for me here at the end. I will definitely admit that I don't practice as much as I should and he certainly reminds me of that often. He gets angry with me for buying anything. He is a realtor and hasn't closed on a deal in a couple months which has not helped our financial situation. I also work part-time as a paralegal which is the only income we are making at the moment. I bought a pair of pantyhose for $3.87 recently and still have not heard the end of it. Tonight's fight was because I bought a large bottle of wine $6.99. He thinks I drink a lot (he does not drink much) so it made him mad that I would spend on something he doesn't like. Should anyone put up with this no matter what they did bad?

Meant to say, should anyone put up with this no matter what they did WRONG? Sorry - court reporting has forced me to cringe at every grammatical error but I didn't have enough characters for the word 'wrong.' Basically, I know that he doesn't like me to drink but it was such a hard day with my attorney freaking out because he is trying to get as many bills out as possible before the new year that I thought a nice glass of wine and scrabble with my husband would be fun. Little did I know, he would fly off the handle and curse at me. I just left - now at my parent's house because they are on vacation. I never argue back - I don't really know how to confront people. It makes me uncomfortable so I either leave the situation or cower. But it just seems that no matter what he ever did (except maybe cheat) I would NEVER talk to him the way he speaks to me. He has called me names and yelled - even in front of people if I am not doing what he wants - like if he is tired and wants to leave.

Answer 1

u need to confront him about the way he talks to u, tell him your not a child, i myself would not want to put up with a life where i was spoken to with such disrespect, he needs to get a job, if the one he is in is not paying he needs to find another. once your out of school u can go your own way if he continues to disrespect u.

Answer 2

Geeeeez

You got married right when the notice got out about the housing down fall.
Things are tough, but he needs to keep his cool. He can lose his license.
Tell him to get a part time job I'm a realtor and I'm doing paralegal work (smile).....it's dirty out there for a realtors.

I don't think you should buy wine right now. It's obviously one of his pet peeves.
So lay low, for about a year and the housing market will slowly get back into shape and he'll stop cursing.
Alcohol right now is not a solution on either side.

I have a whole cabinet of booze. Or so I thought until my son and daughter in law raided and left!

Answer 3

My dear, get out while you can. I married my spouse14 years ago and went on to have 3 children with him. Verbal abuse becomes emotional and often progresses to physical violence. You will increase your threshold for tolerating his bad behavior hoping one day he will learn to cope with life. He never will. Wine, pantyhose, the housing market etc. are just excuses for him to act out. There will always be a person or situation for him to blame. And most of the time, he will blame you.
I am now in the midst of contentious divorce and the abuse continues. I have allowed his poor conduct to continue for so long, that I have created 3 new victims...my children.
Give yourself the biggest gift you can. Get counseling and get out while you are still young. The mere fact that you had to ask your question shows how his abuse is already wearing you down. Good Luck
.

Answer 4

Wendyshannon,
You did not mention love throughout your story. Do you love him? Has he changed a lot since your marriage in August?
A marriage is supposed to be an equal partnership. There has to be some give and take. I believe the best thing to do would be to sit down and have an honest, open heart to heart talk with him about how you are feeling. Honest communication can work wonders. If you don't like what you hear let him know. Good luck,
Dave

Answer 5

welcome to my world! it's been 18 years! i met him when i was just 19 he was 28, he was fun to be around and he made feel special! I felt so safe with him! fast forward 3 kids ans 18 years! I am misearble! I am called a **** and a *****, a **** up and a fat slob, every day of my freakin life! He conrtols all the money and I have to take it out of his wallet so I can have money to give to my kids so they can go to basketball games and the movies and to buy them the occassional snack from the convenience store- you know how kids are! and I have to secretly put gas in my truck so I can take them places-movies, friends... we have joint checking account and i dare not write checks because somehow the checks i write always bounce and I never hear the end of it! He spends on himself, like for Christmas the kids and I asked him what he would like for Christmas, well he made it very clear that he would buy his own gifts, and he did! he spent $330 on a leather jacket, tools from sears, shirts and levi's from Dillards- all before Christmas! well, he went mad when there was not a gift for him under the tree for him! With what money were we suppossed to buy him a gift? He kept track of everything I spent for the kids down to the last penny and complained about it! I mean come on! well today is friday, the 28th of December and He has still not spoken to me! It only gets worse for me and i am just waiting for my kids to get a little older then I will leave- I hope! You are lucky at least you have your parents house to go to, I usually have to sleep in the back of my Suburban-the only thing I own!-in the freezing cold! just for the record, i drink as much as possible so i can pass out and not have to deal with him! My kids of course are asleep, and he does not involve them in our fights- he is a good father- i have to give him credit for that!

Answer 6

Sounds as tho he isnt capable of treating you as his WIFE.....That means with respect! In your shoes, I'd stay at your mom's for as long as you can. Keep your part time funds to buy your pantyhose, and whatever else you may need. Finish your schooling if it kills ya! Let him fend for himself. Since he hasnt sold a property, his attitude will undoubtedly get worse.
If he's so unhappy with the finances, he can always take on a part time job. Dont accept his BS. He doesnt OWN you!
It boils down to he's unhappy with himself, and he's taking it out on YOU.

Answer 7

verbal or mental abuse is as bad as hitting you. not that it would help but he should be buying you the stockings and you should say so. sounds like he needs a second job too. with him not liking your drinking habits maybe you both rushed into marriage too soon.

Answer 8

Suggestion, next thing to buy is a roll of Duct Tape! Put a piece over that filthy mouth of his and tape his butt to a chair. Then go out and buy what you want with your money. I'm sure he doesn't tell you every little thing he buys!! Dont' put up with it!!

Answer 9

My foot...his a*s...they should meet.

I was with a verbally abusive jerk for years...and eventually I started fighting fire with fire.
The relationship ended when he became physical with me.
I hope your husband hasn't done the same to you.

Can anyone say "red flag"??

Answer 10

I wish I could find a woman like you where I live. I love wine and LOVE to see a woman in a nice pair of stockings. If you do decide to leave him, please send me an email.