What can make someone submissive?

Question

i heard childhood may have something to do with it, but i'm just wondering what would make someone be submissive? can they change to being assertive? i was always this way and still am, i never really could stand up for myself b/c i was always certain i WOULD get beat up or the other person would say something to outsmart me. where does this trait come from?

you guys make it sound like you just say no and then nothing happens. that's not the case. if you're getting bullied and physically picked on by a guy who's older than you and you're a small person, what're going to do then? you don't say 'no'-they beat you up further! or when you're on a bus and there's a crowd scheming something against you-you don't say 'no' b/c you're outnumbered. i'd rather keep my mouth shut than have to answer to some older guy or a groupload of people. how do you stand up for yourself in these situations? call me crazy but i prefer NOT to get beaten up

Answer 1

You as a child could have been treated harshly by your parents or others. maybe your mother or father verbally belittled the other or yourself, and it gives you a low self worth and esteem. It is hard to change but you must first realize that your opinions are just as important as anyone elses, and then realize that if you are not willing to stand up for what you believe then things may never change. I am a highly dominant person I have had to teach myself to be more submissive and let people help me when I need it as opposed to trying to do everything myself.

Answer 2

It's from the way you're treated in childhood, either by parents or your peers at schoo, or bothl. You can become more assertive, it's not impossible. I used to be very shy, that is my personality deep down, but as I got older I was able to get out of that and become more dominant and less shy when I need to be, but I also know how to get the balance right these days so I'm not taking over and being manipulative.

You could read some books on assertiveness or try out some things, like saying no occasionally, and not being scared of the response.

Answer 3

Yes and Yes.
Yes your upbringing has a lot to do with it. If you had an over powering parent or parents who always told you you were wrong or told you to shut up and speak only when spoken to, then your psyche became submissive.

On the other hand, I raised all my children to speak their mind. I created Frankensteins! My oldest told a teacher flat out "You're wrong!" The teacher thought she would point out the ignorant child in front of the class so she told my daughter O.K. smarty pants come up to the board and prove it. She did! The teacher was embarrassed. She sent my daughter to the office and accused her of insubordination and wanted her given detention for 2 weeks to learn her lesson.

I went all the way up to the school board. My daughter presented her case by showing the teacher had left out a very important step in the math formula. Teacher did not get her contract renewed (although I think she was too embarrassed to return the following year).

So speak your mind. What's the worst someone could do if you are wrong? Kill you! Right? And remember nobody is going to get out of this life ALIVE! So don't worry about the small stuff.

Answer 4

It all boils down to self confidence, if you want to change this about yourself, the only way to do this is gain some self confidence, your not confident that you can win any battles, so your lack of confidence is a cause of your fear of failure and allowing others to bully you, the best way to get out of this is look within yourself, and gain the i can attitude, you just may surprise yourself, and have allot more potential than you ever realized.
And size of a person doesn't matter, i seen some of the smallest guys devastate some big guys, again its all in self confidence and a strong will.
Try taking up martial arts classes or something, those are really good for confidence boosters.

Answer 5

upbringing, culture, personality, and combinations thereof
YES, you can change, but you have to want to and to work at it. You don't just say I want to be more assertive. You say I AM assertive. Start with small things, some one asks you to do something that you really don't want to do. Don't say YES. Being assertive doesn't mean being a jerk or being nasty, but it means standing up for yourself and not letting yourself be imposed upon. I am assertive, and when X wants me to do YY for them, I will say, No, I'm sorry I can't do that this time. DON'T explain yourself, but stand firm. PICK your battles on something you feel is important. If it's picking up your next door neighbor's mail while they're out of town, you can do a small favor, it's NOT an imposition. But if some one wants you to watch their kids for 2 hours (& they're never back when they say they'll be) and the kids are spoiled brats whom you dislike, say, NO, I'm sorry I can't this time.

Lots of time it is helpful to go to therapy to talk over why you find it so difficult to stand up for yourself, and there are sliding scale clincs everywhere. Group therapy a women's support group can be helpful for this type of stuff, too.

Start with the affirmation, I can be assertive, I AM assertive. Doesn't mean you never do things you don't want to, doesn't mean you never do favors for others. BUT it does mean that when you don't want to do something, and you feel strongly about it, you will stand up for yourself! Remember the key is to say NO with a smile, but firmly enough that you don't allow them to keep harping at you. Practice. You might not succeed your first try--keep trying.

Answer 6

It can come from childhood, in my particular case,
my mother would never let me stand up for myself, she would always say,"Just overlook it"
so, I grew up doing that to the point that when I got married, my husband was abusive and I didn't even stand up for myself, even after I finally divorced him, I wasn't good at defending myself in business or on the job.
But, after being on my on for years and taken advantage of and raising my son by myself, I realized that when someone took advantage of me financially, they were doing it to my son also, I found it easy to stand up when it was for my son and I started standing up to people for myself and it made me a stronger person. If the issue is not important, I don't say anything and I consider the source of who is presenting the issue. Remember you are getting beat up mentally, which is far worse than phycially and besides, most people that treat you this way is just bullies and you need to stand up to them if it is an important issue or you can just say "This issue is just not that important to me" and walk away, what is left for them to outsmart you then?

Answer 7

This is a learned behavior. You have learned that it is easier to not be outspoken. Yes you can learn to be assertive it is a hard job, but it takes consistency and practice.

Answer 8

The desire to treat others better than themselves comes from spiritual roots & can not be taught, it must come from within!!!

Answer 9

The desire to have sex can make somebody submissive. for example...I do everything my girlfriend says because I want to make love with her as much as possible!!

Answer 10

being crestfallen, ya know? like just feeling done and you don't want to try anymore.