i am a 24 yr old married man with a16mnth old son, my wife won't work so i have two jobs and don't get to

Question

spend that much time with them. Our sex life is non existant anymore and she tells me to go get it from other women becuase she is too tired from watching the baby all day long. I don't know what to do anymore because we are in a lot of debt becuase of a failed business. I can't talk to her about anytning anymore becuase she gets all mad and starts yelling and crying. I don't know what to think anymore because i ask her is she is happy and she says she is and she wants to be with me, but it doesn't seem that way anymore. I don't want to leave her becuase she was adopted and her mom died and she has no one left to help her out. I also don't want to leave her because she will try to take my son away from me. I would do anything for my son and would die for him....i couldn't handle losing him. Someone please help me out here, before i go insane....

Answer 1

I feel you, your whole situation I've seen it but cut in different pieces, not like this all put together. You're 24, and still young, there so much to do, it's okay to have a son and a wife, but she needs to help out in this relationship, and keep this relationship together, you have too much on your shoulders, and she as a wife should know to take some of that weight off!

I'm writing to you because I feel empathy and you're not alone. Even though I won't be able to help much, I'll tell you what I think. You both love each other right? Do you guys remind each other every day? If not you guys should, a healthy, loving relationship is also made up of a healthy sex relationship, and she's telling you she's too tired because of watching the baby all day? I understand it could be stressful but other women that are mothers out there are having such a great time with their husbands too, so she has to be making up an excuse for something else.

Her sex drive is probably low; maybe you should find a way to pleasure her more. Have you found her G-spot? If yes, I don’t know why she’s rejecting you and if no, try to find it, get a Taylor Lamborne Crystal Wand from drugstore.com to find it because maybe that’ll make her want it more. Try to be spontaneous and romantic with her, you need to light the fire somehow again, but she should understand you more. She shouldn’t just think like a woman but like a man so she would know how you feel.

You shouldn’t be the only one working when you guys are struggling, she needs to find a job and help you any way she can, and she says she’s too tired of watching the baby all day then maybe you both should work different shifts and take turns watching your son or work the same shift and pay someone to watch him so you, your wife and son can spend the other 16 hours together as a family.

There is something wrong in this relationship and what is your wife thinking and doing? Is she only thinking about herself? She should be your best friend, your partner, your wife, but sadly it doesn’t seem like she’s making a lot of effort. Many women out there are too bitchy, on PMS all the time and they have no empathy. Men aren’t just the bad ones, women too, but they point fingers at the opposite sex all the time and we’re just human, so do we really need to?

You really want to work this out, but is she willing to? She needs to open up more to you. Is she so unhappy because she’s the way she is? She tells you she’s happy and she wants to be with you but what is she doing? I see that she’s adopted and motherless; you say she has no one, but does she see that she has you? If she’s not willing, then there’s nothing that could be done. You’re 24, how old is she? Does she feel like she’s missing out in life, seem depressed all the time? If you do notice major problems with her, you’d really need to seek help from a professional, a doctor, etc.

My brother in law’s wife cheated on him with his friend, and he has a son. In Colorado if something like that happens, then my brother in law would’ve been able to have full custody of his son but for some stupid reason he and his ex-wife moved to Wisconsin and went to court there, and now their fighting for the custody of him. You love your son and would never want him taken away from you but it depends on the situation sometimes.

But for now be strong and try to work things out, a relationship is also based on good communication, try to talk to your wife again, try to understand each other. My fiancé and I did a long distance relationship for three years and seen each other only 5 times. One time for only for 4 hours, and the longest was for 2 weeks. All the other times it was just for 2 days and for 1 year we went without seeing each other. We never argued because we knew we didn’t have the time to and communication was all we had. Too many couples take things for granted. If she needs help, let her see a doctor and see how she does from there and if you already did all you could for her, but if that’s not the case either, keep trying for the sake of your son until you find an answer. Try to deal with it little at a time and bare with it. You seem like a good Husband and Father, good luck, may everything be well.

Answer 2

First of all, caring for a baby all day can be tiring. Not that it is a bad thing by any means. Sometimes it doesn't pay to have the wife work if all she is going to be doing is making money to pay for child care, you're defeating your purpose for a second income and not only that, someone else is spending 8 or so hours a day with your child. Now the whole "get it from another woman" thing, I'm sure she doesn't mean. Maybe she needs to go to the doctor for her hormones or there may be something else that is bothering her. Going outside of the marriage to satisfy sexual urges, just because your wife said that doesn't mean you should. You can use your hand! Talk to someone about your financial situation, there may be answers out there that you haven't thought of for solutions. Also, don't feel that you have to stay married to your wife because she was adopted and her mother passed away. Either work it out or grow some balls and pack your stuff and go.

Answer 3

Bryan, you should have opened your eyes a few months or years back.

You need a education to live and have things in life. Your working two jobs to support three people. You need to go to a state agency and get some help with education into a job that pays better money. At 24 driving truck comes to mind. it pays about 40K a year. you work a lot of long hours but after a few years over the road and gone from home 26 days a month, you can get into a union job and then move into that area to live. Drives in a union job on a dump truck make about 25.00 a hour and up on the job you can't start at the top but you can get your foot into the door if you have a good driving record and it is not a mess with accidents, speeding and drinking and drugs. if you live in the state of WA email me and I will tell you how to get a job and move into trucking here.

Answer 4

Sounds like both of you are depressed and overwhelmed by having a lot of responsibilities at such a young age. You can survive though!

I suggest that you both go to see someone - a marriage counselor, a preacher, someone that can help you.

Your wife probably needs to get a part-time job just to get her out of the house! Child care will cost a lot (maybe most of the money that she might make), but it might save your marriage!

Also, try to do some small things around the house to help her without being asked. Women love that, especially if they are taking care of a child all day alone! Luck!!!

Answer 5

Am so sorry that this is happening in your life. Your wife is suffering from Post-partum Depression...and she may need professional help...as well as time away from the child. Do you have family near that can help you out with this? If not, go to Social Services for help. It's NOT that she doesn't love you...she is just overwhelmed and YOU can't be there 'cause you're working. Good Luck in the New Year.

Answer 6

You need to sit down with her and explain this all to her. Make her know that you need her to help out with the expenses around the house. It sounds like you guys are in a financial bind.

In this case, it's not unreasonable for her to get a job. I worked as a waitress in college,. Many of the girls I worked with were young mother. There husband/boyfriends worked during the day and they stayed home w/ the kids. Then, at night; it was Dad turn to watch the kids and Mom worked for extra money.

I always said that it's not fair that a man should have to work two jobs and not see his family, just so the wife can be a stay at home. How is that having a nice family life? That's just showing your kids that Dad is only good as his paycheck.

Answer 7

How old is she? You need to try the small stuff? Like running a bubble bath for her if she enjoys that, cooking for her,little things especially if money is tight.
Communication is the key to happy marriage. You need to talk with her. Write her a letter and tell her what is bothering you. At the end of the letter tell her what you would like her to do to fix it. Your both young if you both truly love each other it will work out with time and patience. Good luck..

Answer 8

stuff in life is depressing everyone. tell her to get a job, have the baby in day care till one of you get home. both need to work togetehr as a team to get rid of debts and then look forward to a good happy life. holidays, toys for the child and no wasting money. saving where you can like switching off lights and not leaving taps running etc and save moeny on bills. no extra costs like buying stuff for desire and not coz you need it etc. you both need family support emotionally and work togetehr as one! tell her you love her and reassure her things will get better one day and that you can all go on holiday and do stuff you have always wanted to do etc. why not get a qualification at local college for a better job or she could do it and then when she finishes, she can get good job and both work. you could give up one job then and do one that pays well, especially weekends when pay is betetr than weekday. see how much you earn on weekdays and see how much you COULD earn on weekends and see how much loss there is workign on weekend than weekday etc. you could then do full weekends and few days during week. teh days you at home,, she can go and work. that way, you are at home to look after baby and vice versa.please dont fall out. these are teh times when your love for one another is tested to the max.if you fail this test then it means you dint love each other to the extent you both thought you did coz lovers work toegtehr and fix problems and get throught it TOGETHER! not fall out.
PS she prob has post natal depression after giving birthl. check that out too.

Answer 9

If you're wife has changed drastically since becoming a mother, she might be going thru postpartum depression. She needs to see a doctor. You sound like a wonderful father. Try to get your wife the help she needs so she can be a wonderful mother and wife to you. You deserve it (even if you can't spell "because")!

Answer 10

Getting married is not a joke that needed not only a million times. Now you're hooked into it, so it is not easy to turn 180 degree because of adult obligations you are committed to your wife. Evaluate your way of life and don't do anything to abuse your wife. Make your time to double your efforts to stay happily with her and kid.