Any suggestions on this English assignment?

Question

The assignment is to find a way to give insight into your life in under 100 words. I wasn’t sure if this was good enough, so I want to hear what you guys think. Is it good? Is it bad? Too choppy? Clear? Convuluted? Do you get the message, or is it obscure? What can I do to make this better?

Two years ago, the first acquaintance I made at my new school was a rock. Being myself, I didn’t know what to make of people. I’d kick a rock around instead. It was simple, I didn’t have to guess what it meant. One year ago, I met somebody on the bus. He asked questions, told jokes and seemed mildly enthusiastic. I was skeptical. Once he asked if I thought he was making fun of me. I didn’t know how to respond. “I don’t do that kind of stuff,” he reassured me. It seemed pretty simple, despite all my guesswork.

Answer 1

I like your rewrite - I see you took some advice from your earlier posting. I agree with people's comments about the last sentence. Maybe you could say something like "Suddenly trusting another person seemed easier to do." Just a suggestion.

I do like it! I thought your idea was very creative from the beginning.

Answer 2

I know it's hard to summarize life in 100 words or less. This isn't clear enough. There needs to be a little more. Let's work with what you have:
Two years ago, the first aquaintance I made was a rock. The school was new, my surroundings were new, and the rock and I seemed to fit together like puzzle pieces.
Though the rock and I were compatible, making new friends and allowing people into my life was another story.
It all seemed so hard until I met (his name--real or make-beleve) on the bus. He asked questions, told jokes, and was mildly enthusiastic. He wondered if I thought he were making fun of me. I was skeptical and contemplative. (End with 1-2 sentences stating how you are/feel now). For example: Today, I'm very people-oriented and fit in well. OR Now, as then, I feel well-adjusted. Contemplation is still part of "what makes me tick," though.

Answer 3

I like what you wrote. It was interesting. The only thing I would change is the last sentence "It seemed pretty simple, despite all my guesswork". I don't know what "it" is. Just explain what seemed pretty simple and I think your paragraph will be great;)

Answer 4

Choppy sentences make it obvious that you have a word limit.
Because you are writing a short passage, there shoud still be a beginning, middle, and end.
Also, use syntax to help the whole thing flow better.

Answer 5

Your paragraph is quite well written, and the reader gets a distinct impression of you. The one change I would make is the one suggested by the previous answerer: make the last sentence more explicit.