Help i am in love with a married man~?

Question

I have been involved with a married man for 4 years. the affair started as a result of my husband being unfaithful to me. though i forgave him this man was there when i needed someone to talk to. i love him dearly, but i also love my husband! my husband is now in prison for 12 years! this man is there for me emotionally and financially. we spend a lot of time together. i don't know if i should try to stick it out with my husband and be lonley or continue being with someone i enjoy, but can never have a monogamous relationship with if he did leave his wife. because i would'nt be able to trust him(i know it sounds crazy) but i am in sooo deep now! what do i do? i need answers from someone that has been in a similar situation, and in love with a married man! i know i could divorce my husband and find a single man but i don't want anyone else . with him is where my heart is now! please help with advice.

Answer 1

obviously u shouldnt of put your foot in front of a train(expression)
in other words u shouldnt of gotten in that situation in the first place..
and u call urself an adult... tsk tsk tsk

Answer 2

I know what it feels like to be married and to be emotionally lonely, and i can understand why you are having an affair. Most of the time its not really the other person that you want, its what the other person is giving you that you want, and the qualities you seen in them is usually the qualities that you wish your husband had.

If you died tomorrow (touch wood ) would you be happy knowing that you had not been true to who you are? You don't deserve this and you don't deserve to always be the other woman. I am in a situation that isn't good atm and my other half is quite mentally abusive, i see all these other guys that are so nice to me yet he is so mean, join with the thousands of other men and women including myself that have said enough is enough and we deserve better. You will find someone else out there that will love you for the special person that you are, that will give you there heart to you and no one else. If continue to open another door before one has closed in another yrs time you will still be in the same situation and just as un happy, trust me i know.

When you close the door you are then allowing bigger and better relationships to come into your life. (where one door shuts another will open) pls don't stay and wonder if your life would have been different if you only had of. Life is precious take the lesson you have learned and put it to good use in a better relationship good luck

Answer 3

Wow. I've been the married man in this situation, and I've also been the man in prison for a long period of time with a girlfriend outside.
First, the married guy, if he hasn't already, isn't going to leave his wife for you. Why should he? He already knows he can have you without doing so. And if he did, like you said, you wouldn't be able to trust him to remain faithful nor be honest with you. So what's the point of being involved with him??? You're not in love . . . you said you can't trust him. That's part of love. It's called you don't want to be alone and he's been there for you to lean on. That's all it is.
Second part, your husband shouldn't really expect that you'll lay in wait for him. 12 years is a very long time. He did whatever he did to get there . . . why should he expect you to absorb the punishment? He obviously didn't think about you when he was committing the crime. Not to mention, he was unfaithful to you.
Finally . . . get some counselling. You're in an unhealthy couple of relationships and nothing will change unless you change your way of thinking and acting.

Answer 4

You just want your cake and eat it too, don't you?

Girl you have to s*hit or get off the pot. Ever heard that one? I'm sure this "married" man is there only because he's getting his money's worth of easy milk from the lonely cow. He'd rather pay you (which makes you a prostitute by definition in the eyes of the law and an adulteress) than a hooker on B street. At least he feels STD safe. Both of the things you are in fact are crimes in most states. So I'd say you are in up to your panties on this one.

When your husband gets out of prison and finds out, and he will, you and bozo will be history. Having done time, he will not think twice about wasting both you and bozo to save his name. He'll go back to prison for a couple of years and then be out a free man. You and dumbo will be six feet under facing judgment day. Crimes of passion, which this one seems to qualify, are very hard to convict. Most of the time the "passionate" person gets a couple of years only because they "took a life".

You are a liar to say your heart is with your husband. That's a crock. Two wrongs don't make a right. I guess you forgot the "for better or for worst, in sickness and in health until death do us part.". Believe me death is coming and that will part your marriage. The reason bozo doesn't leave his wife is because he can have respectable dinner at home and dessert at the greasy place -- all for FREE. Got it? FREE.

You will never be lonely. When bozo gets tired of you, and he will, he'll cut off the finances and go back to Mama and you'll be history or dead. Been there done that. If you're not killed in the process, you'll just cry a bit and another bozo will come to your rescue.

Answer 5

What a mess. Your husband cheated on you, so you cheated on him. Best that you first got out of one before getting into another. And didn't it hurt when your man cheated? And now you are doing it to this man's wife. Something doesn't add up. You want it all ways for you, without thinking how you are hurting others.
As to your husband, you don't love him, so why not leave him do his time, get over you and you move on. And not to some other woman's man...remember how hurt you were. There are many single men out there, even though you think you don't want them. You truly don't know what you want; you are letting your hormones ruin your life. Who will want you in a few years? Not this man, and not your husband, because he cheated already on you.
Start clean, grow as a woman, learn to live without a man screwing you all of the time, and find out what you can offer the world. I bet you have talents you don't even know about, and you can mature and live a happy life with someone who wants you;not your body, but YOU!! Good luck, and stop being a easy lay for this man. He offers you NOTHING, just as your husband is doing. Start respecting yourself, because these two don't . Good luck

Answer 6

Obviously you and him DID NOT keep your marriage vows. NO MATTER WHAT, YOU DO NOT HAVE ANY REASON what so ever to cheat. Payback is VERY VERY immature and it shows a sign that you should not of gotten married in the first place.
You were VERY wrong in doing this. Honestly your making up excuses(I have been involved with a married man for 4 years. the affair started as a result of my husband being unfaithful to me) THAT IS AN EXCUSE! That is NO reason for you to cheat.
I am Sorry But I am married and I TAKE my MARRIAGE VOWS TO HEART. In sickness in health,for richer or poorer in good times and bad till death do we part.
This is a BAD time for your husband and he NEEDS you now more then ever.
I am 21 and there are times where I will go A LONG TIME not seeing my husband, But that does not mean that I will "cheat" on him because I am "lonely" and bored.
Think about your actions.Think HARD.

Answer 7

It's not that you dont want another man. You want the security you think he provides. He is comfortable, and that's what you want. To stay in your comfort zone and not make an effort to make changes.

If you truly loved your husband, you would stick by him. If this man truly loved you, he would leave his wife. As much as you think or say otherwise, this is nothing more than a recipe for disaster. You have said yourself, you can never trust him if you ever were together. And what happens when his wife finds out and is devastated that he strayed.

You are being selfish and immature even trying to continue this relationship. You know you're only going to get hurt, and hurt alot of people in the process. God forbid either of you have children with your spouses.

Get out now.

Answer 8

Well, you didn't like it that your husband had an affair, but you have one now and you aren't horrified.

You're in deep with someone who isn't going to leave his wife, and who would probably cheat again yet you don't know what to do.

Break it off with the guy, get the divorce, and start looking for someone who can BE a partner with you. You're not going to get anywhere with the married man (is that why you are so firmly staying with him? Because he's 'safe' right now?). The married guy is no future, he has a wife and he's 'getting some' on the side thanks to you. That's not a very good self image you're giving yourself.

Break it off, find an adult who is free of entanglements who can BE a partner with you and focus on getting a stable relationship under you. You don't have one right now.

Answer 9

You need more help than anyone on Yahoo answers can give you. You should talk to a marriage counselor or a priest.

Get out of the relationship with the married man - it's a one-way street going nowhere!!!!

Do you have children with your present husband? If yes, then maybe you should try to help them adjust with this situation and quit worrying about your own happiness.

That sounds harsh and I don't mean it to be, but you really need to wake up and take charge for your life and just quit hanging on other people.

Stand on your own and make a life for yourself away from these guys if possible!

Answer 10

well you were wrong from the start for being involved with him but you all ready have so i think that you and your husband should separate while he's in prison.I also think you should get away from every thing ( take a couple of days off from the drama ) while your out write on a piece of paper write all the good things the married man did for you and then write what your husband has done to you and compare which is more


P.S. I hope you figure out what you are going to do

Answer 11

I've never been in your situation, so you can take my answer with a grain of salt...

Obviously you don't love your husband anymore and with him in prison, I suggest you divorce him and move on.

That being said, you can not continue the relationship you have with the married man. Married men having affairs think they can have their cake and eat it too...they have the stability of a wife and someone to take care of the homefront, and they can also have the passion that comes from an illicit affair. Chances are, he's never going to leave his wife. You can't have him so get out of that relationship and don't ever look back. You're going to need to cut the ties with him completely...no friendship, nothing.

Move on from both your husband and your boyfriend. It's time to meet someone new. Someone unattached.