I need advice on child custody?

Question

I HAVE A 10 YR. OLD BOY WHO'S FATHER HAS NEVER BEEN A PART OF HIS LIFE, HE'S BEEN IN AND OUT OF JAIL AND IS A SERIOUS LOOSER. BUT I NEED TO KNOW WHAT I'M GETTING MYSELF INTO. IS IT BETTER TO JUST LEAVE IT ALONE SO HE'LL LEAVE US ALONE? I KNOW IT NEEDS TO BE DONE THOUGH. HELP PLEASE!

Also my son doesn't know who his dad is. he has called another man dad since he could talk.

Answer 1

see a lawyer

Answer 2

I had an 8 year custody battle for my daughter. I won, but it took a real toll on me. Loser dad as well.

This is what I would do. If the father can help you financially, I would seek financial support, you can do that through the state.

If the amount of child support money isn't going to be worth the time, effort, and aggravation, and attorney's fees then I would just let it be if the father isn't seeking any custody, because if you begin this, the father probably will, whether he wants custody or not, just to be a burr under your saddle.

Also, if the father isn't currently pursuing custody, you, in essence already enjoy what it is you would be seeking legally. AND the more time that passes without the father seeking custody, the stronger your case becomes, and the older your son becomes. The older your son is, the more a judge will listen to his opinion about which parent he wants to spend his time with. And that should work in your favor.

It really doesn't need to be done unless the father is seeking custody at the moment, or you fear he will in the future try to gain access to your son without your prior approval. For instance, pick him up from school and take him who knows where for who knows how long. If you don't think those are issues you need to fear, I would just let it be.

In my experience, judges are extremely hesitant to make final decisions on custody issues even when the evidence against a parent is so strong it is completely obvious they should never be allowed near the child. This means you have to sit on pins and needles and pay attorney's fees that can bankrupt you (I never met an attorney whose first question to me wasn't-how much money and assets do you have and what do you make?!-that says a lot.) And of course, their fee was usually ALL of it or more. So that's why I think you are better off avoiding that whole legal injustice as long as possible. It can literally destroy your life if you let it, and it's so hard not to.

Good luck.

Answer 3

Is he trying to get custody of the boy, or visitation rights. I think the child need to know who his father is, but I don't blame you for not trusting him. I think I would have a serious talk with my son, and explain that his father has had a serious problem and you are afraid to trust him. I don't think I would let the father take him out of my sight. You may have to go to court to get supervised visitation . If he is a really bad father (which he dosen't sound very solid to me) You may have to get some kind of legal order to keep him away from him altogether.

Answer 4

Whatever he is or has been, the fact remains that he is still that child's father, and he should have visitation rights with his father. You have no need to worry about a custody battle. His father has proven he is not a good parent, not saying he can't change, but leave it alone, I doubt it if he wants to go into that. Also, are you a good mother? If you are, then there is no need to worry, if not, then beware!!!

Answer 5

Tell your boy about his father and what you think of him, tell his father that you don't want to be part of his life and neither does the boy. If he gets agro call the cops or just get full custody of your kid. It should be pretty easy because I mean if he's been in jail he couldn't be fit to raise a boy.

Answer 6

He doesn't seem like he's a good role model. Are you trying not to let him have any custody. If so you should have a pretty good case. Keeping in mind that your record is clear and all. Keep only positive male influences in your son's life.

Answer 7

been there, done that
life is not easy, but, if you truly think that the child is by far better off not even knowing his father (MY child was better off not knowing HIS father), then by all means, don't push it...just let it ride
your son will learn on his own what a worthless father he has and that will speak louder than ANYTHING you can say or do...let him find out on his own

Answer 8

umm...first off take the caps lock off....

second, theres no way he could get custody of ur child if hes been in jail that many times. if hes trying, then fight him.

also, ask ur child. hes 10 years old, he can talk for himself. if he wants his dad to be there, give him the chance. dont be the bad guy....be open for what ever makes him happy. at least give his father visitation sometimes.

Answer 9

Please stop using all caps - it's hard to read and also annoying.

I suggest that you talk to a lawyer before you do anything at all. They can advise you for free! It's true that the father has certain rights, but the fact that he has been in jail might alter some things!

Good luck & get going!

Answer 10

OMG!! i am going thru the SAME thing except my son is 8... i think that i am going to keep my son away from his loser sperm donor cuz he has been in and out of his life and he has only disappointed him, abandoned him, hurt him, and confused him. I don't feel like a loser has anything to offer my son so he is better off w/o him.

Answer 11

if he's like that...you may be opening a can of worms.... be prepared for drama and heartache for your son...it sucks picking up the pieces when a child doesn't understand why a parent is the way they are..think long and hard what you think is best for your son..some men just don't change..