when a married person cheats on someone, such as my wife did. does that break the covanant?

Question

because the night my wife first cheated on me I felt like I was having a heart attack and a few days later she told me she did it. every since that night even before she told me I knew I felt different about her. I have not felt the same at all. before i felt like no matter what i would always love her and feel love for her but now i dont feel it at all!
A year and some time has since passed.
She cheated with 2 guys for a total of 6 times.

I really think this is why the bible says its ok to divorce if someone commits adultry. because it seems to break the sacred bond of a marriage.
I regret everyday that she did it because of this reason. not because she did it. I know shes only human. I ve tried counseling and anger managment and prayer and bible studies and forgiveness saying i forgive. i just dont feel the same. I never feel excited to come home anymore andit sucks. I read in the bible that the person can choose to stay with the cheater, but i only have friendship feelings.

one thing people who have never been cheated on dont understand is that it changes you! you didnt even know you were cheated on and you knew you changed. you felt different and when you found out you were cheated on you understand. its like taking all the emotions and chemistry away from the marriage and just being friends. its like being married to your friend and not wife.

untill it happens to you you just wont understand. sure there are some couples who have lust still. or who feed each others illness or sickness or lies or hatred like a vicious cycle but when thats all gone its still just one person is left disconnected. the bible says dont do it and there is a reason for that and this is the reason.

because when you cheat you disconnect the other person.

also the bible in proverbs talks about a cheating wife and a husbands anger think about that.

to disreguard the spirit and the bond and the love shared and the covenant is to disreguard life it self.

Answer 1

cheating breaks the heart in pieces, and usually it can never be put back together. it is understandable why u feel as u do, because it has happened so many times. cheating takes away what was, and replaces it with something hard to understand. the deep love and respect u once had for that person is gone, u don't trust them anymore, its not that special thing it once was because what was most sacred was shared and given to another and it belonged to u, and now u really aren't even sure u even want what its become.

Answer 2

you have a broken heart
my beliefs don't vary a whole lot from yours, but, i do believe that this is one of those things that falls under the "for better or for worse" vows.
you can love her and hate what she has done. But, if you cannot forgive her totally and she is not repentant enough to not do it again, then, i believe that the vows are broken. God does not expect us to be with someone who has broken their vows to us. Cheating, in my opinion, is the worst way to break those vows because most people cannot forgive and get beyond it all. I don't believe that your wife is finished cheating on you. If she has cheated 6 times in one marriage (whether it is with 6 guys or 2) then, more than likely, she will do it again.
She chose to break those vows. You have chosen to respond to that by not being able to forgive her. Again, I don't think she is really sorry that she cheated, so, don't feel too badly about not being able to forgive her...she is not truly sorry.
You just need to decide that God does not intend us to tolerate cheating spouses for any length of time...6 times is WAY too long, in my opinion.

Answer 3

I am assuming you are covenant spouses? If so, there are no biblical grounds for divorce, period. Everyone keeps commenting on that "exception clause"...except for adultery or marital unfaithfulness. That is the wrong translation. The correct translation is fornication.

I discovered thru my research that scholars claim that exception clause refers to the Jewish espousage period when Jewish couples, such as Mary and Joseph, were engaged/married but had not consummated the marriage yet. They have to wait one year before consummating the marriage. I have also discovered that a Greek scholar, Tischendorf, traced the Greek manuscripts and not once was the exception clause in the original Greek manuscripts. The exception clause was added into the bible in the 15th century.

Now that being said, God made marriage for life until death. Jesus specifically said that remarriage is adultery. The only time anyone can marry again is if their covenant spouse is dead. And only then can they marry someone who has never married before or is a widow/widower.

So what does this mean for the person who is divorced from their covenant spouse and remarried to a non-covenant spouse? It means they need to repent and give up that marriage. The same goes for a single people who married a divorced person that left a covenant marriage. These people are in "legal adultery"

Mark 10:11-12 (Jesus) He answered, "Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. 12And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery."

Luke 16:18 Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery, and the man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery

Since Jesus claims remarriage to a non-covenant spouse is adultery, those in "legal adultery" will not inherit the Kingdom of God. 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders 10nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God

The church is totally blinded to what God's truth is about divorce and remarriage. There are alot of pastors saying it is ok to divorce and remarry. They are telling people what they want to hear, not what God's truth is. Satan is taking alot of people to hell with him because of this.

Please check out Bob and Charlyne Steinkamp. They have a restored marriage after being divorced for about two years. They have a website and send devotionals everyday encouraging men and women to stand for their marriage and their spouse's salvation. Check out their archives.
https://rejoiceministries.org/devotion.php

I highly recommend that you sign up for Doreen's Devotionals called Doreen's Daily Delights.. These are awesome. http://marriagerestorationministries.org/

Here's another website for people standing for their marriages. They have a men's forum where you can talk to other men standing for their marriages. There is chat every Friday night. http://www.faithandmarriage.com/

Check out Jimmy and Karen Evans. They have a weekly tv show that discusses marriage. Their shows are on the internet that you can watch. Jimmy is excellent. Jimmy gives very practical guides on how to have a successful marriage. http://www.marriagetoday.org/

Also check out this link concerning divorce and remarriage. Many churches are blinded to the truth and even encourage people to divorce. Satan is tearing the church and marriages apart.
http://www.biblicalresearchreports.com/divorceandremarriage.php#hatedi

Answer 4

This is a VERY good question that I will be watching for answers. My belief, understanding of the bible is if you were cheated on (the spouse committed adultery) you can divorce. Can you remarry??? I don't know.
I was married to a cheater, abuser, alcoholic, gambler and liar. I am now divorced and I hope to marry again someday.

GOOD LUCK to you and thanks.

Answer 5

Am so sorry that this has happened to you. Initiate divorce proceeding as soon as possible...before she ALSO takes your income as well as killing your trust. I wish you better times in the New Year. Get some counseling to find out why you made this bad choice in the first place...sadly... the abused often choose new abusers. Don't do that. Hugs, Gina C.

Answer 6

YES, marriage is a covenant and when she cheated on you she broke that covenant. If you want your marriage continue to pray for a renewing love for her and ask God to rebuild a broken marriage but if you don't want it file for a divorce. She put it on herself. God has given you the choice to leave. Ask yourself although you have these friendship feelings can you ever see yourself loving her again. Ask God to give you guidance on this and continue to ask for strength for yourself.

Answer 7

You are using religion and your belief system to stay in a situtatio that God would not want you in. He didn't say to lay down and give up who you are once married. He said to become as one...your wife brought someone else into that twosome.
Adultery is a grounds for divorce according to the Bible. If you are going to live by the Bible, please read and get counsel accurately.
My husband got his co-worker pregnant, so we had grounds for divorce. I did not want it, but I did not want to live with someone who had a child by someone else, and who had broken our vows. I stayed single for 15 years, dated to learn more about myself and others and am now happily married.
Don't be a doormat to this woman. She can't respect you, by you allowing her to do this. She is using you to provide for her, while she screws around town. Yes, she needs help, but if you allow her to use you, you are not acting like the man God wants you to be. Would Jesus do this? No, remember, He threw the moneychangers out of the temple...they were doing something wrong. He was a man...you be one, so the next love of your life will respect you. Don't be passive and use religion to do nothing.
Yes, you can stay with a cheater, but I'm not sure what scripture you are reading. God gives you permission to leave someone who commits adultery. He isn't two faced nor does He speak out of both sides of His face, so which is it? Stay with a cheater...for what purpose? To look like a fool, to be passive when someone does you wrong. That isn't Biblical, regardless of how you lift scripture to prove a point.
In love, teach this woman how to be married...by divorcing her and letting the consequences of her behavior teach her she can't have her cake and eat it, too.
By the way, children want their parents to punish them; your wife is a child...and she needs consequences to allow her to grow up.

Answer 8

ALL married women will cheat given the opportunity, MOST never tell or get caught. Yes, just like if a man does it covenant is DONE.

Answer 9

first you have not really forgiven her and it sounds that you like hanging on to this because you keep doding on it. you can forgive but remember it to learn from it. not to dote over it!
yes you can leave her because you shall not commit adultery, that even means lusting after someone. i too think it is time for you to leave and leave quietly. nothing really matters anymore, including material stuff!! but you knew all of this any ways, so just do it already!

Answer 10

If you no longer love your wife you should divorce her. Marriage is about loving your partner. I believe that once the love is gone then the marriage is over. Do not continue to make yourself unhappy by staying with a person that you no longer love.