is she sick? (asking adults please)(christians? nonchristians?)?

Question

Introduce ya to a very sick girl, now 16. Very sick-minded. How did she get this way? She started masterbating before she knew what it was. As a child, she discovered that pressing in between her legs felt strangely pleasing. She didn't know much about sex aside that it involves 2 naked bodies. When she asked her peers, the reply was an uncomfortable "you don't know? omg, don't worry about it." So she got curious, and through ways, found out all there is to know about it: positions, 69, bi and homo sex, masturbation, sex toys, and other disturbing sexual fetishes. When she found out that masturbating is gross, she felt ashamed and afraid that anyone would ever find out. But since she already does it and it feels so good, she continues to do it frequently anyways. Her mind is a mess. She experienced multiple orgasms. No longer a virgin in mind, she fears any future husband that is a nice guy will like her or think her a real virgin. Fearful, ashamed,sad, soul a emotional wrek. Thoughts?

This is serious actually, advice for her?

Answer 1

I get a sense of religious guilt. You specified christians, twice. Have you been taught some idea to live out of fear or taught that you could somehow be "unworthy" or not good enough? Those are all man's ideas. God's a PERFECT being. He doesn't roll like that. Religion is for people who are trying to keep from going to hell. Spirituality is for people who have already been there.

THIS IS SOUNDS LIKE A NORMAL CHILDHOOD. Listen to everyone.

The only difference is it sounds like someone laid some guilt and shame and doom on you. Shaming yourself or someone shaming you is bull. As soon as a child sees a murder on a tv show they are "no longer a virgin in mind" as you put it. None of us are.

If anything you've ever done is that important to some guy then move on and find a guy who wants to look forward in life, not back, and who loves you unconditionally.

Thinking about sex and exploring it is normal. You are designed to do this. You have a beautiful mind. There is nothing that you can think about that God doesn't know already. You can't shock him or displease him. He's a perfect being. God sees mass murders and crimes against women and children every second. There is a long list of bad people out there and you're not on it.

Your self judgment is a choice. I used to judge myself alot. I was in a wheelchair until I was 20. Someone told me that it was because God hated me. Finally someone explained to me that God doesn't hate. Guess what? There's no future in judging yourself.

I learned a quote by Eleanor Roosevelt that really helped me keep my head clear. It says "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Including yourself. So don't consent. I finally rejected the idea this idea that I wasn't a good person. Of all the people who talk down to us, we are often the best at it. That serves nothing. All your life there will be a long line of people ready to judge you and point fingers.

No therapy is needed. Therapy is for people who have something wrong with them. That would be like getting therapy for being tired for sweating in gym class.

You don't need anything except to show love and understanding towards yourself. Don't think badly of yourself ever again. Not one more single day.

Answer 2

I love your last sentence, "stupid peers making our generations a farce". Actually every generation has their share of stupid peers, that end up labeling the generation. (most people were not hippies during the 60's, many hated disco during the 70's, I don't remember the 80's due to heavy drinking.... but I doubt that everyone was doing that too, the 90's did produce some intelligent people, and I suppose the 00's are not all couch potatoes either. What you do have this generation is a lot more visibility. I think its interesting that every day we get 4-5 posts here that say they are 13 and pregnant. If half of them are true, that is a whopping 700 13 yr olds in a world of a few 100K. So is that indicitave of all 13 yr olds? Definitely not, but for the few here in YA!, it appears the world is coming to an end.

Answer 3

Masturbation is gross? uhhh... actually it's pretty natural. It seems to me the problem here is the perspective you are taking, not so much the girl. A "real" virgin?? I personally would not marry, or even date a "real virgin". It sounds like you are coming from a place of extremely superficial forced cultural absurdities when it comes to sex. And if these similar outlandish uber-prude ideas are forced onto this girl, then there would probably be some serious inadequacy issues, although unrightfully so. Low self esteem will more than likely turn this girl toward more extreme sexual behaviour, or at least a decent case of depression.
None of this out of the ordinary for a 16 year old, but the blinders-on naivety that most religions possess in viewing natural human sexuality is a shame. I understand the intentions are usually good, but it in extreme cases it seems to hurt a lot more than it helps.

Answer 4

You are completely NORMAL, girl ! It's great that you can make yourself come multiple times. My girlfriend masturbates sometimes as do I. We can't always be around to satisfy each other! Someone has put a major guilt - trip on you, telling you this is wrong.They probably told you that it is a sin against God. That's where most sexual dysfunction comes from, religious belief systems which are meant to control us, and the way we think, so that we will vote a certain way, fight and die for specific causes, and give our money to an already rich church. It is your body, your mind. Anything or any one who would deprive you of some harmless personal pleasure, is against you. Break free of the Psychological constraints in your mind, let go and feel free to love yourself, sexually, and in caring for your mind and body. Think positively, don't allow others to control your mind through fear. Your life is what you create through your thoughts. Stay happy, dream beautiful things for your life, replace negative thoughts with positive thoughts. Don't listen to negative people. If you can overcome these guilt - ridden feelings about your sexuality, and enjoy your life's experiences in the most joyous and positive ways, then you will become a very loving and exciting sexual partner for some Lucky man , or your future husband! Be free, happy, and love YOUR LIFE !

Answer 5

I think you should go to the Library and check out some unbiased, scientific research textbooks.

It seems to me that you come from a culture where sex is considered "dirty" and not something women enjoy, possibly even going so far as to condone female circumcision.
Nothing could be farther from the truth.
I'm no Dr. but in my opinion she's normal, but won't remain so if she's being brainwashed into thinking she should be ashamed.

P.S. How did she discover that sex involved 2 naked bodies?
And how do you know she has multiple orgasms?
What exactly is your relationship with this girl?

Answer 6

Sounds like therapy would help this person understand things better. I'm very curious why you are asking these questions and who actually thinks she is sick minded. I'm worried that both of you might find therapy helpful.

Answer 7

Masturbation isn't wrong, it's a perfectly normal, natural thing. It's also natural and normal for teens to be curious about sexuality in general.

Answer 8

No, I don't think she's sick, but I think You are for thinking there's a problem with her. Sorry, she'll slow down when the time is right for her but so long as her daily activities such as school, work, chores, etc. can be accomplished and she enjoys herself in her own private times then all is well.

Answer 9

masturbation is a normal thing that people go through...but, if there is other things like sex toys and other things you have mentioned, then someone should be talking to her about sex and the consequences that can come with it.

Answer 10

That sounds like a normal childhood to me. That's pretty much how mine went. Seriously.