I am disabled and hate going out?

Question

I hate people seing me strugle and use crutches to walk i will go short distances without them although it means I`m in a lot of pain. why do you think this is and what can i do about it.

Could it be the stigma created by the governmenttowards the diabled as being scroungers.I`m fairly independant.

I have a very rare condition it`s called poly arteritis nodosa, I have all my limbsbut the circulation of blood to my extremertise is limited, legs become very painful if I walk or stand on them for even short periods if i am on them to long I sufere with bad cramps to my inner thighs and hands, theres no vissible signs to look at kme exept from scar tissue from leg ulcers which are covered anywayI thank god I`m not in a wheel chair yet and I admire the people who are and cope well. I shall go into town tomorrow with crutches people who know me are going to be shocked I`ve kept it so well hidden by staying in or not going far and without my crutches.

Answer 1

Hello Monty, dare i say i know exactly how you feel. I've had RA for 37yrs and have excruciating pain most of the time which i have learnt to live with over the yrs - but dealing with it at home is one thing and dealing with it when in company is entirely another problem. I am able to drive most of the time which I'm very grateful for - but walking is a lot more difficult, and i can't stand for longer than 5mins, then i must sit down, so it takes a lot of energy and planning ahead when i feel like going out. I think it's got something to do with our culture - we all have to look perfect, and the slightest flaw is picked up on - also there's the accusation from some that we're living off the state, this was a huge one for me, took me yrs to accept help - but i got to the place where if anyone asked me personal questions i repeated the same answer - i worked for 25yrs, i contributed to the system, and the system we have helps me when i am unable to work.
There will always be ppl who make accusations, we can't allow ppl to bring our lives to a stop..
You have some good advice here and I'm glad disabled ppl answered too, b/c they know exactly how you feel.
The first time you go out and meet ppl you know is always the worst, but when you feel you have acheived something it encourages you to do it again - one small step, then another, and then giant leaps forward - you can do it - and let us know how you get on..
Take some pain meds and go for it!!
Blessings x

Something i remembered: I was out one day and i met a guy i used to date - i was embarrassed b/c i felt i'm now 'crippled' what will he think..
he said "what's happened to you? too much *dancing* over the yrs"? - b/c he knew how much i loved to dance - you know it made me laugh, and i just thought, i'm gonna say that every time i'm asked what's happened to me - a sense of humour covers a lot, it gets me through..

Answer 2

I agree with chillsw..., You need to use some other aids, be it a chair or scooter, there are some pretty cool ones about now, you can still use your crutches or stick when necessary but you will conserve your energy for the more important enjoyment once you get where yo're going!

I've got a w/chair and a scooter - depends where I'm going which I use. It may depend where you live, but where I am, you do realise just how many people use sticks, crutches, w/chairs and scooters, once you are doing the same - It does seem that where I am You're no one unless you have at least one stick! Honestly it's not as bad as you are thinking right now - most people are fine and I don't mean condescending! Everywhere is becoming MORE accessible and disabled friendly, blimey our B&Q and Tesco have customer scooters with baskets attached! Make it a bit easier on yourself!!!

Answer 3

Its a difficult situation that i have some empathy with. Forgetting what some have said, maybe you should consider a wheelchair for when you go outside the house, when it otherwise involves lots of walking. It does not mean you have to use it at home, or all the time, but then I don't see it as a bad thing if it aids mobility and extends what you can do. People will always react differently to those with disabilities, some accept, some want to help, some want us out of sight, some judge disabled by the disability, what ever the cause.

Chase life, enjoy it, try to ignore what others think, don't let yourself be valued by their judgments, know your own worth, hold your head high and do the things in life that you want to do and can do. Leave those who have an issue with it to go suffer their own limitations. Good luck

Answer 4

Trust me, you are beautiful the way you are... Just because you have some mobility problems, that does not mean you are a scrounger. Show the world that you are better than that. Go out there and be yourself, and let people sit back and admire your courage and happiness.
I know it may seem impossible at the moment but, keep in mind that; A journey of a 1000 miles begins with the very first step.
Never base your image on stereotypes, because you are unique. As for the pain, seek medical attention and once you feel you are ready, jump out on the world, and enjoy every minute. I wish you the very best of luck, and may life take you to exciting places!

Answer 5

Sorry to hear of your predicament. You will find that lots of people dislike going out for one reason or another. Everyone has a disability of some kind e.g. shyness, agrophobia but a great deal of people work very hard to overcome the naturally daunting experience of 'being seen'. You will find that, in reality, very few people are really focussed on you per se. They have in their heads such things as 'what do I need to buy for supper' or 'I wonder who sells decent razors' and that kind of trivia. They may look at you and even stare, but you don't figure in their lives after you leave their line of sight. Think about it, do you look at people sometimes? Do you always have negative thoughts about people who come into your line of vision? Do you remember every face you have ever seen? We are all the same. We look, we stare at 'different' but we don't necessarily think about it further than that second. We all have our own concerns. The problem with you and so many of us, is that we are self-conscious and I'm afraid thats a little ego-centric. The whole world does not revolve around us! Its important that you re-train your 'outside self'. Take those steps, with crutches a little further each day and get used to be looked at and pointed at by small children! You are no better or worse than anyone else and deserve to enjoy all aspects of life inside and out. Pushing yourself a little bit will let you go a long way. I wish you joy.

Answer 6

I think you need to stop and think about this. What is the draw back of people knowing you are suffering from a medical condition? I have both a wheelchair (manual) and a power scooter. I use them when I am going to be out and where I it would require a lot of walking. I sit up straight in either and I am not embarrassed. I walk as I can and have learned that when I force myself to over do not only do I pay for it in pain, my family pays for it because I can't do as much for a couple days. I don't care if your a saint and never complain your family and friends hurt for you when your in pain and they feel helpless. I refuse to take pain medication if I know I am going to have to drive, but I finally learned to use the tools that have been given me to manage my pain, and lower the need for medication. It wasn't easy and I didn't realize how much it affected my family and friends until one day I over heard one of them tell someone on the phone that they felt so helpless and that even though I kept fighting it that I really needed to allow them to help me. I have learned to ask for assistance if I need it, that was a bitter pill for me to swallow, but I found that by asking and allowing them to help it sometimes gave me a little extra one on one time with that person and that's a GOOD thing.

Answer 7

Ok why are you not using a wheelchair instead of crutches to get you around. It probably will save wear and tear on your body.

My mum had MS for many years and she avoided using a wheelchair for a good part of that because of her pride. I finally said to her, Ma, I wear glassess and there's an old saying girls who wear glasses don't get the passes, but hey I really need my glasses to see. Who cares what other people think. You really need your wheelchair to get around.

She finally admitted she'd been an idiot and could have saved herself alot of frustration and anxiety if she used the wheelchair earlier.

It's all about attitude. If you regard your disability as something horrible and stigmatize yourself , then you're doing more damage to you than society ever can. Yup a lot of society doesn't see people with disabilities or has weird attitudes about people with disabilities, but it's THEIR ignorance. It doesn't have to be your's.

Make life easier on yourself, use a chair . Isolating yourself isn't going to help you in the long run.

As my mum made me understand I had to adpat to the world because the world wasn't going to adapt to me.

Answer 8

I know how you feel, I had to use 2 sticks for over a year before I had my knee surgery, I felt so self conscious and when I was out I hoped that I would not meet anyone I knew, it got so bad that I stopped going out. I'm lucky as I don't need them since I've recovered from my OP but I still take one when I go out with the dogs. Its all self image and embarrassment, wondering what people will think and say. Well they don't say anything, the only one who is bothered is you, so stop worrying and to heck with what anyone else may or may not think, you just practise and learn to use them properly and to the full. Head up and meet the world face on.

Answer 9

OK, this is not the answer you were expecting, but it is time to get a wheelchair or scooter.

I call my scooter my freedom machine. I used to be like you. Didn't want to go out because it hurt, or because I walked weird, or I got tired - and I thought everybody was looking at me. But I finally gave in when I realized I was saying no to almost everything.

People do stare - because they are curious about my scooter. So I smile at them. I take kids for rides.

They don't stare at me anymore

I don't hurt nearly as much anymore. In fact sometimes I forget I am disabled because I hurt so much less. So I go out without it - and sometimes it is OK and sometimes I end up hurting.

Pride is what is keeping you from using a wheelchair. Pride is what is keeping you in pain. Use that pride to buy a chair and take advantage of the freedom it provides.

ETA: Contrary to popular opinion, using a chair doesn't prevent you from still walking when you choose to. In fact it preserves your ability to walk longer. I never use my scooter in the house. I can walk better than I used to because I am not so bone-tired all the time. I also don't use nearly as many pain killers.

Answer 10

I know what you mean.Your best plan is to loose weight and use forearm crutches.If you can keep weight off you will have a better life as I have had to.Its better than being in a wheel chair.I know what I am talking about as I have been disabled for more than half of my life.If you loose lots of weight you will be able to use only one crutch which is the better option.