My wife checks my email, my personal and work phone, it seems like she wants to catch me cheating?

Question

SHE HAS TRUST ISSUES FROM PREVIOUS MARRIGES, I NEVER LIE TO HER OR CHEAT ON HER WHICH SOMETIMES I THINK I SHOULD

Answer 1

If you have nothing to hide let her look all she wants she will stop eventually....

Answer 2

She loves you so much she's paranoid about losing you. She's got jealousy issues so you both need to talk about it and figure out where the issues are coming from. Counseling would probably really help even if it's her own individual counseling (doesn't have to be couples).
Cheating on her will only make the situation worse and possibly breakup the relationship.
This kind of jealousy is like an addiction and you can't control or stop yourself. It's also a horrible anxiety feeling to the jealous person. I used to have this problem with my boyfriend, but we talked about it and I've been good and haven't snooped and don't want to.
Stay with her and try to work it out only if you think the relationship is worth it and still want it.

Good luck.

Answer 3

If you know she has trust issues from a previous relationship, why would you think of doing it to her again? Didn't you know this before? She doesn't want to catch you cheating, she wants to reassure herself that you are different, better, and cheating now would only prove that you are the same.
I know its hard to deal with someone who has this problem, especially when it wasn't you. Perhaps counseling, either just for her or as a couple, would help her separate this issue from her current life. If you love her, don't give up on her yet.

Answer 4

You have to ask yourself: "Why is she behaving this way?"
She seems to feel very insecure and seems to have a fear of losing you - may indicate early signs of mild paranoia. If as you say you never lie or cheat on her then I suggest that you exercise a bit of tolerance and let her check your email etc . It would be a good idea to talk about her insecurities and how you feel about her invading your privacy and doubting your fidelity etc. It may be she needs a higher dose of "TLC".

Visit a trusted family counselor can help the overall situation. You can also address the issue of the paranoia and its early treatment.

The least helpful thing to do in this situation is for you to cheat on her, since this will lower your stature in your own eyes and cause new long term problems.

Answer 5

Hi, First of all I have to agree with you concidering what seams obvius, her past. Hovever it also comes very much from beeing insecure in her own personality, her selfesteem and the value she has on herself as a person, in a way i think you two should sit down and you ask her if it is fair that she based her relation with you up on her experience from the past, show her you love and care about her and let her know she is the only one and that she is important in your life. This controlling thing she has very easily runns over and becomes a daily rutine wich is not right towards you. Also she intrudes in your privacy and to me it seam she dont have to be worried your cheeting or anything. If you honnestly love her and shows that, she has to deal with her issues from the past because in the long run this could tear your relation apart. I have lived with one so i know and i am 55 years old and in my second marrige for 20 years now. Dispice living in a marrige or relation privacy and own time time for yourself is nessesarly. S my adwice is that you both sit down and talk and let her explain but also tell her in a serius way how it make you feel knowing she dont trust you, becuase any relation is built out of trust, respect, love and care. Good luck
Goran

Answer 6

Dont! That would hurt her even more. You have to understand that you agreed to marry someone with a broken heart and you promised to help fix it or at least care for it. If she is acting like this than she needs more reassurance from you that you love only her and would never go for someone else. This is the only thing that will fix this...women who are insecure do stuff like this. Be open with her...offer the info to her. If she feels like your life is an open book, she might not feel so inclined to read into it all the time. I hate to say it but you are the only one who can fix this, even though it isn't your fault, you wanted to be with her and you knew what you were getting into when you married her. Be the one man that makes a difference...the one man in the world she can trust. You can do it!

Answer 7

Don't think you should cheat just because she checks up on you. It's not really like she's accusing you of cheating, she's just keeping her eye on everything. I really wish I hadn't been so trusting with my guy and I really wish I had checked up on him. Maybe we wouldn't be going through all of this now, if I had not made it so easy for him to stray.
She doesn't want to catch you cheating, she just preventing her imagination from thinking you might be. If you have nothing to hide, don't worry about it and keep everything in the open. Make sure you also have access to her email, passwords, etc.

Answer 8

If you knew about her trust issues then why not be a liitle more reassuring. Tell her you love her and that you aren't going to cheat on her. Remind her that you married her and that she is the only woman for you. I understand about being hurt and sometimes it's hard to let go of the past. Sometimes all we need is just some assurance.

Answer 9

Okay, there's the thing about being totally transparent. If you've got nothing to hid then keep it that way. (What's this I think I should noise?)

On the other hand, she's sending the message that she believes you're not going to treat her well. And that's not okay - that's the piece you want to work with her about. However, it's HER STUFF not yours. Just because she is nervous or suspicious or whatever it does not directly affect you.
I suggest that your objective is to help her get over this fear that she's going to be treated badly. You won't do that by fighting with her or demanding that she behave differently. You will be more successful with asking her what her concerns are, writing them down, and then asking what would address those concerns. Then, you be willing to do whatever it takes to accomodate her. However, check back and ask "Okay. I'm doing it. Is it helping?" No demands, no impatience, but stick to it.

Good luck.

Answer 10

You knew she had trust issues when you married her. You are just looking for an excuse to cheat. STOP! She needs reassurances even if you have never done wrong. Other husbands probably didn't get caught early enough. So she has to make certain she is AWARE. She can't help it.

Answer 11

If she has trust issues, marrying her probably wasn't the best idea you ever had. But anyway, understand that these men maybe didn't do anything, either, but got sick of her constantly checking up on them, so they divorced her.

My brother married a woman with such issues. Miraculously, that marriage lasted 5 years. It's a wonder it lasted that long. She was SOOOOO insanely jealous, and convinced he was having affairs on her.

One time, in 1998 or so, they invited us over for thanksgiving. I asked my brother about inviting our cousin. He said yes, but forgot to tell her. Anyway, I got a nasty message from her on my answering machine. What had happened was our cousin called them stating she would come. She didn't announce that she was our cousin, so my then sis in law assumed it was a woman my brother was cheating with. She chewed him out a good one, and then called me chewing me out on my machine. She went off the deep end before my brother could tell her she's just a cousin. She later apologized to me, but still...Anyway, we then started realizing that maybe my SIL's accusations about her ex cheating had no basis.