I have no social life?

Question

I have very few friends. The ones I do have are annoying, not considerate of my feelings and not that intellectual. I have an awesome best friend but I can't see him out of school due to his religious beliefs (He's a Jehovah's Witness)

I find it very hard to make friends. It frustrates me because I know I'm a cool, smart person but whenever I talk to someone I automatically go into a hyper, childish, awkward mode. Also I really don't understand social dynamics.

The problem is I'm miserable and as a half extrovert, I need to be around people. I'm in the drama club and I've met people there but how do you get a cool group of friends that you can hang out with on the weekend? How do you know when to ask for their email address? How can you tell when someone likes you as a friend? How can I actually make friends with people that are nice, cool and smart?

Answer 1

Your second paragraph leads me to believe that you might have Aspergers or some other kind of mild autism (or perhaps just social anxiety).

I have a brother who used to tell me the same thing-- he was extraordinarily socially awkward in high school and overanalyzed every interaction he had with other people, but he was extremely smart (he went on to be an architect), likable and friendly, too.

He had a mild form of autism that he eventually learned to deal with by practicing social cues and putting himself into new social situations (he joined a drama club, like you, and started going to poker nights and bible studies and all sorts of things). Eventually, in college, he made several close friends who were on par with him intellectually and understood how to relate to him.

It just takes time! Don't try too hard to be friends with people unnaturally. If you're a friendly person, a genuine person, and an interesting person, other people will be drawn to you naturally. I bet you'll find this to be the case as you get older and go to college-- social dynamics just take time to master.

Good luck!

Answer 2

Honestly you have a lot of potential that a good friend requires. Your intelligent and that should overshadow your "childish" acts that may arise from time to time. We all can get hyper around the right people & it's great you can feel like that easily. A lot of people i've met have a hard time opening up, but you have this easygoing feel to you. Your just a little shy and thats the only thing that keeping you back. Your questioning yourself to much. You sound a little self conscious and at the same time a little self absorbed, which arn't bad things. It means your confident & witty, but a little shy. After a few fun conversations with some peoeple start to ask for emails. Not that big of a deal. They won't think your weird for asking maybe they may even feel releaved that you asked since they've been wanting to for a while. Maybe it may seam awkward for a bit, but eventually friendships will grow and you'll feel way more confortable and confident in your relationships with other people. You just need to push your shyness a way for a bit. In other words don't question that situtaion just do what you feel you want.

Answer 3

Alright, in high school, you get to choose 2 out of the 3 things; sleep, social life, or academic life. I had chosen social life and academic life so gave up on sleeping lol. Academic Life: I was serious about my grades, getting A or A- or B+ in subjects. I don't study a lot but when I do study, I am like so focused on the lessons on the test. XD I am still surprised that I am getting good grades! Social Life: Pretty much what makes my day in high school. I am currently dating American girl and we have a party almost every Saturday with rest of our friends. I am almost the most popular boy in our grade and man, I just love this school.

Answer 4

Hey at least you have some friends. You may feel intellectually superior but it's ok to act childish sometimes-it's part of having a good time. Go to clubs/societies that interest you and you could find people who have similar likes and dislikes to you. As for the email address thing-just go for it! What have you got to lose? After you've had a good conversation with someone just casually ask for their email address. Don't hold back-you only live once.

Answer 5

To make friends that are nice, cool and smart, just be youself. You'll usually attract people with the same personality as you.

And try doing something like join a club at school or take up a sport. You'll definitely make friends that way.

Answer 6

You sound like my son. He's only nine now, but a younger version of yourself, maybe. AND you BOTH sound like me when I was younger.

I've been talking with my son about these kinds of things a LOT lately. He gets "goofy" when he gets socially nervous, has a hard time calming down. This actually makes other people nervous around him sometimes, too. I keep telling him he's a cool kiddo, though. The goofiness can overshadow his great personality and smarts, so he needs to tone it down or nobody will get the chance to get to know the real him.

My son isn't into sports, and I think I'd be crazy to push him that way. But we took him to a rock climbing place, and I'll be darned if he didn't make it to the top of the walls almost immediately. He also loves chess, so I've signed him up for the chess club at school. We are trying EVERYTHING, and I figure if the more things we try, the more likely he'll meet kids just like him, with similar interests.

I've never been a social butterfly, but it took me more than thirty years to figure out that that's okay. My parents never told me it was okay to be comfortable alone, or with a few very good friends (those take tiiiiiiiime to make, too). We'll be sitting around, just us, on New Year's Eve. No big parties to throw or attend, just us. Neighbors might be partying, but we're just hanging out. And that's just o-kay. Would I love to be with others? Heck, yeah! But not this time around. We're new to this area, and I just don't know enough folks yet. AND we're military, always new. I'm burned out on the energy it takes to get to know other folks, maybe.

Bottom line, you need to be happy with yourself. I would recommend that you work hard a calming down with other folks, though, or they won't get to know the real you. That might be something a counselor could help you with.

I have continually forced myself into social situations to try and "do better" and get used to them, but it's sometimes not worth trying if it just isn't me. I'm trying to focus on things I like to do, and my children, too, and hope we someday meet cool folks like us to share some good times with. ;)

Answer 7

Just be yourself.I think you need more confidence.If you wanna hang out on the weekend just ask someone from drama class or wherever what they're doing for the weekend and if they want to hang out.Also,why do you feel you go into a childish mode?

Answer 8

You'll usually attract people with the same personality as you.
and join a club out of school
like karate and if you aint into sports try youth club??
i'll be your friend so what if you act childish thats just you

Answer 9

wow, if you go to Rosville High school that wouldn't be a surprise....lol...anyways, moving on.

thats probably how you react when you get nervous, such as meeting new people. Don't worry, everyone has a different reaction, I'm usually quiet and feel uncomfortable......

but you have a to face one crucual fact!

don't be obnoxious or in a way annoying to people, that'll only make them irritated or uncomfortable being with you.

try to visualize yourself if you were in their situation, would you like to meet this person if he acts thit way...you know what I'm saying??

try to understand them and relate to them and tell your stories or experiences. And don't forget to smile. :D

Answer 10

You can make friend via Y/A. If you find an avatar who asks interesting questions, ask to become their contact. Well that's a start!