Please advise need to ask someone and dont know what to do all I need is a honest answer..?

Question

My situation is me and my wife got married in July and we moved to quick we both agree. We found out in October she was pregnant. We have had problems since the start mainly getting use to living with one another. Well about 3 weeks ago I found out she has been dishonest with some money issues and I ignored her for about a week. She text me cussing and I told her we can talk with her daughter not around. Well we finally talked or argued more or less. I noticed she had been talk with her ex going outside and in another room. I asked her what was going on. She said that is was nothing and finally said she would go back with her ex if he would have her. I asked her to try and work things out but she refuses. She has told her mom but refuses to tell her dad (we get along great) because he payed for trip to disney for them. I have since found out she returned my daughters christmas gift that she had bought with my money and has me behind on child support (she paid bills I gave money).

Answer 1

This is a tough one - I am sure that you love her, but you really can never trust her. If she truly wants to be with her ex, there is nothing that you can do. If my hubby wanted to be with his ex rather than me, I would LET HIM GO. I suggest you do the same with your wife, while staying in your child's life.

Answer 2

first of all with the money issue u need 2 start paying your own bills cuz it seems like your wife is irresponsible and don't know how 2 handle money-secondly that's really messed up she taking stuff back 2 the store-what is she on crack or got the ex something with the money from your daughter's gift. sounds like yall did move 2 fast and that yall wasn't ready. i don't think it's 2 late 2 get an annualment(however u spell it) cuz that's what u need 2 do she wants her ex first of all and she's not respecting u she's lying she cheatin she's not your wife in the physical since so she shouldn't be the wife legally. u didn't say if that's your child she's pregnant with. if it is it's still not a reason 2 stay in the marriage and if it's not u definately need 2 get out and fast!

Answer 3

I guess your question is likely, "What do I do now?" or "Can this relationship be saved?" or "What should I do?"

It appears that you want her to stay, and her behavior with all of this is unacceptable. In fact, she is even telling you that if he'd take her back, she'd go.

Hon, relationships don't work if only one wants it. The answer is then obvious. Leave, or ask her to... and too bad about the child--and your other children... effective birth control is cheap and simple. And every child deserves to be planned for... this one wasn't, was it? And I am sad for you all. This child, and your others, however are the real losers....:>(

I am very pro child, and believe every child ought to be carefully planned for and have the opportunity be become all it can be, have access to something other than a tv, a computer, rap, and dope. Every child ought to have lessons in music, art, learn to speak several languages, and feel safe, and loved by both parents who planned Each child has a cost of $250,000 to age 18 and that is bare minimum. (did you now that?) No wonder there are sooooo many old guys at Wal-Mart. They aren't there because they wish to be... they cannot afford to retire because they were unable to contribute to any retirement plan..... I am so sorry for you all.... I wish I could help.

Hopes this helps.

Answer 4

It sound like your wife has already decided this relatioship is not worth saving. The only way this could be fixed is to have 2 people who want the same ultimate goal which you do not. If you are sending her money for child support and she is not using it on your child there is not much you can do. If you are paying her but not getting credit for the payments then you need to send them to the court or local child support enforcment agency not to her. It sounds like she is not sure what she wants, she is being disonest with you. You do not need that just accept it is over. Be a part of your childs life because that is all you can do. Many she will come around but dont bet on it. Let her know you will not accept being treated that way. 'we treat people how to treat us' if you let her get away with it now it will only get worst. GOOD LUCK

Answer 5

You must save all your strength to safeguard your daughter at least until she finishes school and becomes independent. You need to think about your own needs and plan your future, including the possibility of finding the right partner and raising a family in the future. This would be a great benefit to both yourself and your daughter as she is growing up.

Get a good attorney from your own community, to advise you at present about child custody, visitation etc .

Find a good family counselor who can give you emotional support during difficult times. If you have family and friends who can give you emotional support then cultivate their support also.

Answer 6

First of all, why aren't you paying the bills? I mean things like child support that YOU are responsible for, I would think that if you knew she had money problems, that you would handle those... You guys moved way too fast and also brought a child into this world, you sound a bit young, and it seems that you both are butting heads. All I can say is grow up a bit before you have another child... and they suffer for it...

Answer 7

Obviously shes seems like a very negative nasty person. You deserve better and you should get out of that situation ASAP!!!! She takes you for granted and shes a very sneaky nasty woman!!!

You guys have a child together and not only is she disrespecting you, she is also doing the same to your daughter because she doesnt care for the future of your child if shes doing all these mistakes. if she wasnt happy, thats another thing, but she should take intiative to work it out with you or just bail out instead of doing all these things behind your back and adding her EX into this.

Let her know how you feel and leave her! Let the court know what shes been doing and hopefully they will syphathize your situation and allow you to have custody of your daughter and have her payback the child support

Answer 8

Wow.. what an stressful situation, it seems like she is putting you through alot of frustration. You need to leave her because you have tried to work things out and she refuses and if you are that serious about being with your child. You need to go to the courts and seek custody and let them know that you want your daughter in your life. You sound like an good man and she seems like she does not want your daughter to be in your life. That is wrong. I have three kids and I dont get along with their dad but they need him in their lives... If you are still not sure.. go and visit an divorce attorney and see what he/she says... GOOD LUCK

Answer 9

you two sound better off going your seperate ways....she has been dishonest and that kind of trust is really hard to gain back...i think she has some major issues she needs to work on before she can be in any kind of serious relationship...im sure all her problems arnt going to go away if she gets back with her ex....so in the meantime all you can do is direct your attention to your daughter and to try and be the best you can as her dad

Answer 10

Bickering Isn't Healthy for Your Marriage
From Sheri & Bob Stritof,
Your Guide to Marriage.
FREE Newsletter. Sign Up Now!
Hold Your Tongue!
A study by Ohio State University revealed that being in a troubled marriage is bad for your health.
Although other studies have reported marital stress being bad for your health, this study focuses on the production of proinflammatory cytokines and the negative long-term consequences of bickering on a person's health.


The Cytokine Connection
Stress can apparently slow the production of proinflammatory cytokines. These protein molecules are produced by white blood cells and are key to the healing process in your body.
After a quarrel, when a couple is obviously stressed, the cytokines are produced more slowly. The morning after an argument , cytokines may elevate more than is healthy.


"Elevated levels of proinflammatory cytokines have been linked to a variety of age-related disease."
"Couples who demonstrated consistently higher levels of hostile behaviors across both their interactions healed at 60% of the rate of low-hostile couples." Source: Archives of General Psychiatry

Negative Consequences of Constant Bickering
So, if you and your spouse quarrel a lot, you could be slowing the initial production of a blood protein that you need to help heal your wounds and possibly set yourself up for more serious illnesses such as "depression, as well as heart disease, osteoporosis, arthritis, type 2 diabetes, cancer, and general physical decline."
Source: Forbes
The Ohio State University study was reported in the December 2005 edition of Archives of General Psychiatry.

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Although the study involved only 42 married couples, the gist of the report is that a troubled marriage is bad for your health.
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