is this good for my college application essay?

Question

the question was "how has the media impacted your perception of the world?"
What I see and hear in the media today, impacts my perception of the world profoundly. For it is probably the only resource for myself, and many individuals, for knowing what is happening around the world. However, I believe that the media has a nasty habit of concentrating on negative aspects of the world, and focusing on the bad behavior of celebrities.

Media has been around and catching people�s attentions for centuries. One major way media grasp the viewer�s attention is by focusing on the negative characteristic of the world affairs. For example all I see in the news today is how corrupt and backwards the country of Iraq is. I see bombs pulverizing buildings, and children dying of poverty and diseases. Although this might be true to an extent, the media fails to provide to the public the progress towards stabilizing Iraq. Rarely have I seen on the news the effort the Iraqi people and the United States Military are putting in into building schools and hospitals.
Not only does the media focus on negative aspects of world affairs, but it also puts a spotlight celebrities with bad behaviors. Stars like Britney Spears and Paris Hilton are constantly making headlines for either shaving their hair off, or ending up in jail; while celebrities like Angelina Jolie get ignored for representing the United Nations in poor, war torn countries

Consequently, the message that this unintentionally gives to me is that ending up in jail for DUI, is more important than making an effort towards bettering third world countries.
We live in a media driven world, so without a doubt it will have an impact on how I see the world. Unfortunately, their pessimistic view towards the world leads me into thinking that the world is a cold and a cruel place. And by glamorizing bad celebrity behavior, they make bad behavior seem "cool". However, by keeping an open mind about the stories I am exposed to, I can oppose the media manipulating my perception of the world.

Answer 1

Aside from a lot of grammatical errors, my main concern with this would be that they are looking for its impact on YOUR perception of the world, not how the media work generally. How has all of this affected you?

Answer 2

Its decent. Not bad at all but it is not great by any stretch of the imagination. You started with, What I see and hear in the media today, impacts my perception of the world profoundly. That is somewhat of a rewording of the prompt. Never reword the prompt. Your essay is good, but to generic, any high school student could have written that essay.

As for the guy who said that it is not enough paragraphs, forget about him. There is no preset number of paragraphs required for an essay. I think it rather good to break the 5 paragraph(3 body) format that drill into students from the third grade. Each essay is different and each essay has a number of paragraphs which fit it best. As long as you are able to say what you want to say you are okay. I might write an excellent essay on this topic with 4 paragraphs, whilst another uses 7.

Back to the topic, your essay works; however, it will not allow you to really stand out if you are applying to top schools. As long as you have a good school report and SAT scores you'll be okay. But, if princeton is your dream, you should try harder on this essay.


WOW- Forget most of what I just said. This essay will not do for any school unless you have a 4.0 GPA and 2400 SAT. You completely skirted the prompt, which states 'how has the media impacted YOUR perception of the world.'

It doesn't say how does the media portray the world. Rewrite this essay to better address the prompt.

Answer 3

i think its great, there are however a some editing needs to be done, for example never end with a preposition. But, i agree with the earlier comment could be a little longer. Your essay is great! Also there isnt a lot about how media has impacted your perception of the world

Answer 4

1. Do not listen to ignorant posters telling you how long your essay should be. As long as you meet the lower or upper word limit, you will be fine. Of course, your essay must communicate your message.
2. I think your essay is too generalized. You are not expressing to the college admission how it affect you. Essays are ways for colleges to know more about your habits and perceptions. Write the essay about you, not nearly all about the media.
3. In this case, I would just write an event about media in one paragraph and expand on its effect on me with other paragraphs.

Answer 5

This sounds good, but you have to remember to add things that are unique. Admissions officers want to see something special in you, that will make you unique for the college. Also, if this is a college with no interview, this is your only chance for them to see you. Your grammar was pretty good, but needs some editing and your sentence structure. Good Luck!

Answer 6

i've got faith that that's okay to write down an identical essays as long with the aid of fact the questions are in actuality comparable. i could replace component to the applying as much as permit each and each college be attentive to why you're specially in seek of them. sturdy luck!

Answer 7

I don't think so; shouldn't college essays be more then three paragraphs? I think so. Other then that, its pretty good. A lot of big words. Makes you sound intelligent.

Answer 8

you want this to be more then 6 paragraphs and you want to atleast write more then 4 drafts and edit it , your paragraphs should have atleast 6-7 sententences if not more,