My husband and I have been married for 6 years. We have 3 children. I found out that my husband and a mutual friend of ours were playing cell phone tag at all hours of the day/night. This girl has never called our house before and from what I knew of her, I didn't think they talked outside of get togethers. I asked him what they talked about and he said she was complaining about "her relationship". Weeks went by and he let it slip that they had slept together before he and I hooked up. He carries his cell phone on him day/night. He doesn't do anything with out. I've told him how frustrating that is, but he's never changed his ways. He has always denied cheating on me.. I just need to know how to find out if there was something going on.. I've dealt with depression since all of this started.
How can you gain trust in your husband when he keeps hiding secrets from you?
2007-12-28 05:21:40 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
I do check his cell often but his texts/call log is always deleted.
2007-12-28 05:32:50 · update #1
His cell phone is prepaid
2007-12-28 05:36:49 · update #2
Here are the facts we have: he is deleting his logs, and this is a deliberate attempt to deceive by omission; you have expressed your discomfort with this, and it continues, so he is putting his own desires before your own; he is having an emotional (at least) relationship with a woman he has had sex with, bad juju; you don't trust him (with or without reason, doesn't matter); the calls/texts are never done in front of you, why the hell not?
Secrets and spying--not cool. Spirals down fast. There are of course mixed signals and temporary insecurities and misunderstandings but this is not one of those times. This has been going on for a long time.
You have children so of course need to try to fix this. Sit him down and tell him this behavior is unacceptable and has pushed you to unacceptable limits-spying. Tell him straight up you do not trust him. Ask yourself why you think he's cheating-make sure you're not overreacting (not saying you are). Ask him to put the show on the other foot--pick a man from your past he knows about and ask what his thought may be if it were the other way around.
Point being, his relationship with this woman is inappropriate and will have to either come out into the open and involve you, or end completely.
2007-12-28 06:15:16 · answer #1 · answered by BillyTheKid 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Check the cell phone statement. Some carriers list the numbers to all incoming and outgoing calls, some list them under your account online. If you are an authorized user on the account, you can call the carrier and request an itemized list of calls, if you aren't, there are ways around that, too. Have a brother, or other male friend call and say he's your husband. Make sure he has all of the information they will ask him to verify his identity - passwords on the account, zip, social, anything they might ask. Yes, it's illegal, but I'd need to know if my husband was cheating. My ex did, and the first clue was the phone calls. I do hasten to add though, be sure you want to know the answer before investigating. What you find out could change everything. Also, even if there are a hundred calls on there between the two, it still isn't proof of an affair, just of a relationship. You will have to use your instincts, and listen to his explaination if that happens.
Good luck.
2007-12-28 05:45:16 · answer #2 · answered by ▬♥ღcatnipღ♥▬ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To me, it would depend on what the text messages said. Did they get very personal or just casual? But, this is not about me, it's about you and trust. It takes a long time to get trust back and both people willing to make the effort to have that happen. If the text messages were extremely personal maybe you are well founded in your doubts. Only you can decide what you are willing to live with.
2016-04-11 05:37:49 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't trust your husband because it seems really fishy to me. I have had to deal with that with my husband. And when he clings to his phone he is doing a lot behind your back. see if the two of you can go to counseling. That may just save your marriage.
2007-12-28 09:40:31 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with Winter, if he cannot tell the truth, there is no hope. The fact that he has slept with this women before and is lying about conversating with her should be enough to make you open your eyes! Give him an ultimatum... you or her...
2007-12-28 05:36:37 · answer #5 · answered by Jen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may be over reacting. If he says he is faithful beleive him unless you have concrete proof to the contrary.
2007-12-28 05:40:53 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try getting kinky with her and she will probally be nicer to you. She may find you attractive and is using him to get your attention! This should strengten your marriage and your husband will forever love you for it!
2007-12-28 05:26:01 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
when the mail comes, check his cell phone BILL--nothing is deleted there...then you will know.
2007-12-28 05:35:46 · answer #8 · answered by Mike 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
honesty is essential to trust in a relationship, if he is keeping things like this from you, you will never be able to truly trust him.
2007-12-28 05:25:04 · answer #9 · answered by Winter Glory 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ultimateum... either he stops being so secretive so you can gain your trust back, or you gotta move on. you can't be married to someone you don't trust. tell him that
2007-12-28 05:36:05 · answer #10 · answered by Danni 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋