Buys you 0 for christmas not even a card after you spend Christmas Eve and day cleaning, cooking for him & his family in addition to taking care of his disabled sister with out 1 person lifting a hand. Goes out with his buddies Christmas night, Has been out after work with the guys and when you call thinks he hung up on you but you hear his conversation and all he is doing is bad mouthing you & calling you terriable names which I can not repeat here? Next day acts like nothing is wrong. Is this someone you would want to stay stuck married to?
2007-12-28 05:18:46 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Other - Society & Culture
I'm sorry you are living like that. Life is too short to spend it with someone who doesn't care for you. Marriage is a partnership, but it seems you're the only one working at it. If you're doing it all by yourself with no appreciation or respect then you'd do better by yourself. There are many men who appreciate a great woman and will treat her well. Live your life for yourself not and unappreciative man. 2D
2007-12-28 05:52:41 · answer #1 · answered by 2D 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
HI Lisa,
i'm sorry you're in this situation. You probably need a good counselor to help you sort out how much of it is him and how much of it is you needing to speak up.
Because you're married you do owe it to the marriage to try to talk to him and tell him how you feel. He may have been raised this way and has no idea. (Or he could be aware and not care.) Did he have money for Christmas gifts? Did he give anyone else Christmas gifts? Do you always do all of the shopping and not ask for help? But in any case, don't yell, accuse, etc. Just say, 'i'll wash the dishes if you could dry honey.' Or, 'mother-in-law' could you please put this on the table for me while i get the roast?' You may have to train them.
i have to say, though, that his nastiness and bad-mouthing that you overheard cuts the cake and i would let him know how hurt you were that you heard him say those things about you. If he does not shape up, pray and ask God if that is really a true relationship. If he didn't even know the phone was still off the hook and you could hear, was he drunk? Did you yell at him and that is why he said nasty things? Is this a common occurance? How does he treat you other times? Talk to your counselor, get yourself ready to get out if need be, get trained, get a job if you don't have one, etc. You are made to be loved and deserve it. Life is too short.
2007-12-28 13:36:16 · answer #2 · answered by amazed 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Some of my thoughts are: this is a guy who is living in two worlds. He lives with all the benefits of being single, and all the benefits of being married. However, the benefits of being married DO require your complicity. I am not saying this is your fault, but I do suggest that you take a hard look at the services you are providing, and use your good judgement to decide which ones you are going to continue providing, and which ones you are not. You may also need to give some thought to the circumstances under which you will start providing services again.
You will probably need to let him know, very clearly, the type of behavior you expect, and what will happen if he doesn't toe the line. You don't need to be angry, just spell it out.
You are living a boundaryless life, I know, I have been there. It has taken years of love, and care and work, and it has NOT been fun. People who have been taking advantage of you for a long time do not like it when things change. But I have found that the only way to get it to change is to stop tolerating it.
Read a book called "Boundaries". Then read the sequel "Boundaries in Marriage".
It is no fun to be married to someone like this, when you are like that, but frankly if you divorce him, you'll just find his clone somewhere else.
I have been very fortunate and glad that I have been able to stay married to my husband, in spite of it all. We have both undergone tremendous spiritual and emotional growth because of these changes. Growth we could not have experienced if we had given up too early.
However, my husband did show signs of potential early on. He does have a great work ethic, is generally polite, caring towards animals, trustworthy, and in general an honorable man. He just has a hot temper. But none of that meant I had to put up with abuse.
Also, get to Flylady.net. You may not need the assistance with organizing your life and your home, but I have found overall the site to be a very good place to hear good news on a regular basis. It has also given me more than one wake-up call.
Blessings - I hope you find a new road!
2007-12-28 14:11:15 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
" in addition to taking care of his disabled sister with out 1 person lifting a hand. "
This statement above, in it self kind of explains why you stay
due to the fact you may be feeling guilt that he should be feeling, quite commendable of you to the say the least . . .
divorce is a complicated procedure and who know's? you may just ironicaly still think the marrage can be save, you
sound like a caring person . . .
As for what i think of a husban who act's like this? to coin
your phrase, i would tell you but i to, can't repeat it on here . . .
If it keep's up then you need to get firm cause in actuality
without meaning to, your fanning the flame of his abuse,
in plain english, your letting him get away with murder
that's the bad news, the even worse news is, he know's
and is quite appreciative for it.
2007-12-28 13:50:19 · answer #4 · answered by Ben 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
What the hell are you doing still married to such a *thing*??? My husband *maybe* will do that ONCE, just because he takes me by surprise, but the second times he even dares to try, he will come back home and find the locks changed. And lets see WHO will be right in a court of law!!!!!
2007-12-28 13:55:13 · answer #5 · answered by Millie 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
We often teach people how to treat us. It sounds like you have been letting things slide emotionally and he is taking full advantage of that! Fact is.....Neither of you is truly happy. Inside he knows he is being a selfish jerk. He believes his boasting is making him look good in front of his friends. They think he is a jerk and that is funny to them. Unfortunately there is no respect happening from his friends or you! Have you spoken to him about how this is being played out? He is making a fool of both of you and you shouldn't allow him that. Time to take a stand with your man...?..er, I mean ***.
Talk to him. Maintain your respect and dignity always.
(Stay in control of yourself by not yelling at him.)
He needs to do a little growing up, and you need to ask yourself why you married him.
Blessings.
2007-12-28 14:00:37 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
Becareful what position you put yourself in, you may want to do everything to please someone and make them happy but at the same time you need to make them realize that you want to be appreciated for your efforts too. I would straight up ask him exactly what you just asked in the question and out in the open and be sure to point out everything you do for him and why you do it for him and how it makes you feel that he doesn't show any appreciation for your efforts.
2007-12-28 13:41:48 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Let this puke know you heard his conversation and dish it right back at him. This loser has totally lost respect for himself and you. You want to hurt him back? Kick his sister out and Divorce this cheap playboy bastard and go for his paycheck.
2007-12-28 13:27:12 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why are you married to such a jerk? What does he have to offer? It seems to me like you are nothing more than a maid service for him.
2007-12-28 13:26:14 · answer #9 · answered by wonderer 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I'd be thinking of him as my EX-husband real fast.
2007-12-28 13:48:32 · answer #10 · answered by Kelly T 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋