We are so madly in love, and love to spend every waking second together. We have a 12 year old son whom we adore, but every time we plan a weekend alone, my parents (who live 8 hours away) give us a hard time for 'neglecting' our son!
I don't need to 'prove' anything to them, but how can I give them 'assurance' that we aren't neglecting him by spending time each week alone?
2007-12-28 04:22:01 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We try to sneak away from the house for a couple of hours each weekend - we go for a ride on our motorcycle, or go antiquing, or to the flea market, or out to eat. He's a very mature 12, and he knows which neighbor to call on if there's trouble.
2007-12-28 06:55:29 · update #1
WOW you should make a reality TV show about your marriage. I don't know any married couples that are still in love!!! Congrats and Happy New Year!!! You 2 are like Unicorns!!! LOL
2007-12-28 04:27:49 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You're going to get a lot of different answers, and probably a lot of abuse as well, which I don't think you deserve. After all, right or wrong, it has happened, and it is important to deal with things the way they are, rather than what "should" have been done or not done. You have the feelings, and that won't change either. So, what is important is how to handle your feelings and relationships. Unfortunately, no matter what is said, only *you* can decide what the right thing to do is. Love may be important, but is it the only consideration? There are other things in a marriage besides love. Is it worth staying for them? These questions must also be answered by the other guy -- are there other things in his marriage that might make it worth keeping? Also, you both made vows -- what are those worth? At the risk of being yelled at for encouraging you to take "cheating" further, you may want to consider talking seriously about this to the other man. While love is important, set it aside for a minute and discuss what effect breaking both your marriages will have on your lives and the lives of your spouses. Think carefully about what feelings might still be there. You can also talk about what you two have and what might or might not happen in the future. After all this, balancing carefully what both the benefits and especially the risks are, you can decide on what your next step will be. Just be very sure that he is being truthful with you, because I've seen way too many lives ruined for empty promises. Only you can decide whether the potential happiness is worth the actual pain, and whether the future you hope for is really possible. If you truly find it too difficult to sort out, seek counseling for yourself. A counselor will help you evaluate not only the possibilities, but how to deal realistically with your feelings about both the present and potential future situations and how to find the strength to follow up on whatever you eventually decide. Whatever happens, I do hope you find the happiness you deserve. Good luck.
2016-04-11 05:31:41 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Every parent needs some time alone. I must admit, that I do not remember when my wife and I last got away for a weekend....might have been 10 years ago, when my sister babysitted our children for us. But our kids are old enough now...and the oldest acts as a babysitter (no...the service is not free) for the younger ones. We still have not managed to get way for ourselves!
I would say that if you plan a weekend 2-3 times a year, then that is fine and healthy! IF your doing it every month, than no...you need to realize that you son is part of you...and either go on trips with him....or don;t go at all.
2007-12-28 04:57:43 · answer #3 · answered by StopPanda 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you are doing what is right for your marriage and for you son, from the sounds of it. and nothing should be changed unless it is a change that you and your husband find is necessary. if anything, your parents are probably jealous in a twisted sort of way. looking at their daughter, her husband and their son, seeing how happy they are, how tight of a family they are, etc, and noticing that you aren't doing it the way they had done it years ago when they were raising kids.
every married couple needs their alone together time. they need to be constantly reminded that the family they created together only happened because of their relationship with each other. if that fails in any sort of way, the family will be the next thing that fails.
continue being happy, and don't listen to advice that will detour you away from that.
2007-12-28 04:35:55 · answer #4 · answered by celticbuddha 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think it is wonderful that you and your husband are still madly in love with each other! And I also think it's great that you want to spend time together - after all, if your marriage won't work, then neither will your family.
That being said, it's none of your parents business if you go away. I think it's good that your son sees what a loving marriage looks like.
Best of luck
2007-12-28 04:34:43 · answer #5 · answered by Mimi 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
As long as ur making set times alone with ur son who cares. Thats not neglect to adore ur spouse. If anything I envy u I'd so desire to have that with my husband and we've only been married 6 years. U should take pride in that ur doing nothing wrong lol ur parents are probably jealous of yalls relationship and wish that they were as tight as u two. Just make sure your setting special times with ur son and ur fine. I've two childern yet I still try to make time for my husband if anything I just wish we could do it more often it would probably help our relationship so many people in marraiges don't even have what u have ur both lucky and so is ur son to have two parents so in love u make for a good enviroment
2007-12-28 04:30:23 · answer #6 · answered by Lilith 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you are spending every weekend alone without your son, then you are great spouses and lousy parents.
My wife and I usually do a weekend a year without the kids and occasionally a evening alone when they spend the night at grandmas, but thats about it. If you do it everyweekend you are not doing the right thing as parents.
2007-12-28 06:22:41 · answer #7 · answered by chinamigarden 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Aren't you supposed to be into your husband?? Anyway, there is nothing wrong with a couple's vacation away from the kid(s). It sounds like your parents may not want to be 'reassured', they want to raise a guilt trip on you about something that is not that big of a deal. Since they live 8 hours away, and your marriage is not really any of their business, don't worry about what they think, especially when their reasons are unfounded.
2007-12-28 04:28:48 · answer #8 · answered by asreid14 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
you don't have to assure them at all. I'm sure if there were any signs of neglect they would know. spending weekends alone with your husband is good. I'm glad that you are still keeping the passion and love going.
2007-12-28 04:31:27 · answer #9 · answered by Nikki 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are so smart to have alone time! And keep it fresh between the 2 of you! Maybe find another babysitting arrangement every once in a while! And don't tell them about it! What kind of people are they? They should be happy that you have one of the RARE marriages that are going to work out!
2007-12-28 04:25:46 · answer #10 · answered by Candie 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋