bringing a baby to a funeral...?

Question

My daughter is 3 and 1/2 months old. My husband is a firefighter, and a fellow firefighter and very close friend has just died unexpectedly. It is going to be a huge service. My dilemma is, my normal sitter is the wife of another firefighter and they will of course be going. We are all a tight knit group. My parents are in Rome, so they can't watch her, and I am unsure of other trusted people to ask that wont be going to the funeral. Do I take her? I am so scared she will cry and offend people during the service. It is an outdoor service so I can't walk out. Should I not go? Or will that be more offensive? My husband is chief of the Dept., so I feel bad not going and being supportive of others. I guess this is an etiquitte question but y'all know where I am coming from w/ having a baby on hand. Help =(

aw faerie thank you...I am in maryland though =(

all I keep thinking is how he was all holding my daughter at our christmas banquet for the firehouse and talking about firetrucks to her and his wife was laughing. I just am scared for her (the wife) so see my daughter and remember that less then a week ago her husband was holding her? It sounds stupid. Maybe I am thinking too much...

ok, I have called around...apparantly all of us that have young ones are to bring them. case closed. thank you all for your thoughts...this sucks.

Answer 1

If you live anywhere near me I would be glad to help out. Anywhere near Long Island NY?

*****

No, problem. Thought that I would offer.

I would bring the baby though. Like others said, a baby can make people smile. Something that is very necessary at such a sad occassion.

Answer 2

I would bring the baby to the service. If you did have an option of having a babysitter then of course take it. Try to keep her awake (if possible) for a while before the service, if the ride there soothes her then she will most likely sleep through the service. Babies do make people smile and hopefully the wife of the fellow firefighter will remember the GOOD memories while grieving if she did picture her husband holding the baby. A baby is a gift of life and hopefully it will be an uplifting moment for people who need one during or even after the service.

Answer 3

Kat- take her and get her a sling. If you are nursing- nurse throughout the service or formula feed.

Our son had to go to my grandmother's funeral- and did so in a sling. He was content for the entire wake, the funeral, etc. I was really happy he came because he was a huge source of comfort for me.

Here are some links:
www.newnativebaby.com
www.hotslings.com
www.babyhawk.com

Babies R Us and Toys R Us as well as Walmart have some carriers that may do in a pinch- I'd look into it. Baby will be delighted to be close.

The slings are easy to use- put it on, put baby in and go. Baby is content because she is close to you.

Good luck and I am so sorry about this firefighter. My prayers go out to his family.

God Bless!

Answer 4

I would go with baby. Funerals aren't weddings and most people won't get offended. Indeed, babies are often welcomed for the distraction they provide. New life, you know. If she begins crying since you are outside, you can just take her for a walk away from the service. You can try to time things so that she is tired during the service and make sure you have a bottle/pacifier at hand. People will understand I think your circumstances.

Answer 5

If there is anyway to find a sitter I would recommend doing that.

If not then take the baby, as you said you can always walk away if necessary.

I'm sorry for your loss. My husband's best friend is a fire captain in South Carolina and we understand that firemen and their families are a very tight knit group.

Answer 6

I am sorry for your loss. I feel that you should be able to take her to the service, because if you are all tight-knit like you said, then the others wont care. Even if it is an outside service, and things get too bad, there has got to be somewhere you can go! Good luck!

Answer 7

If I were you, I would speak directly to the deceased firefighter's family and let them know the situation. Let them know that you support them and are grieving with them, but also feel that this funeral should be a chance for attention and appreciation demonstrated for the firefighter.

In respect, you do not want your child to take away from that by crying or otherwise interrupting. Let them know that you would prefer to stay home with your child rather than distract everyone else.

If they say that they are ok if the baby cries and would like you to be present, then go. If they accept your explination, then you have let them know how you feel and can stay home.

Answer 8

I am sorry for your loss. I don't know what you should do, I know it would be hard leaving your baby with someone you don't know/trust very well. I am the same way.
Do you have a friend of the family that may go with you and take her for a walk around in her sttroller or play wtih her in the car? THat the only thing i can think of without having to leave her or distrupt the service.

Answer 9

Take the baby. If he/she fusses you can walk a distance away so it's not so loud. Take things to occupy the baby so that maybe they won't fuss....a bottle usually works or a pacifier.

Also, when my mother passed away my neice had a young baby and wasn't going to come because she didn't have a babysitter....I told her to bring the baby.....hearing noise from a new life was a wonderful thing to have a the viewing/funeral.

Answer 10

nicely seeing as how there is not any way you could pass without bringing the toddler. i might say pass, you have been the two freinds in a manner and the two noted pregancy and you besides might knew her final 365 days. people who see it as "oh my how might desire to you" im my eyes are being closed minded. Excuse the pun yet a concern like yours is black and white, you have a toddler with you meaning you the two might desire to no longer or did no longer get a babysitter the two way paying your respects is what concerns. the only draw back is that if the toddler starts appearing up there then thats whilst itys a controversy. in the event that they're failrly nicely behaved and you think of the toddler can safeguard it then choose for it. in any different case id say do no longer do it and set a time once you could with the kinfolk and clarify your concern with them.